OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

Robson65

Hayleypoppins - If your son is going on to college then you can still claim. You just have to let them know. I was in the same position. Its a big hit .

JustKeepSwimming_2

Morning All & hello to all the new posters :wave:

Anyone remember me saying I was looking forward to 2015 being over & 2016 starting? Well 2016 has absolutely sucked for me so far, so I'd quite like to jump straight to 2017 :rotfl:

I know one of my resolutions was not to moan, & I knew the winter would be difficult as it always is - in an 8 week period there is Xams, NYE, my birthday & Valentine's Day all to get through, so its never my favourite time . But did 2016 have to be so carp right from the beginning? I'm not going to list all my problems, but suffice to say life remains interesting & challenging & most curve balls I have not seen coming.... I am just heartily fed up with wading through carp, alone & unsupported, while all around me in my real life circle of acquaintances are all having a ball. Not that I want others to have carp - I'd just like a break, but there is no sign of one appearing & I know that future problems are accelerating towards me at warp speed

Mrs_Money wrote: »

Hello JKS and thanks for your thoughts. Strange how some folk want dish out judgemental ideas to us isn't it? You know what's right and no one should dictate to you. I've been lucky so far as family have just gently made some suggestions and left it at that whilst constantly offering their company, giving me dinner (don't mind about the food but I'd go anywhere for the company to eat it with!), taking me out for walks and bringing goodies to eat at my house.
Single friends are rare in my world too. I have one who is divorced, but she works full time and is a long time singleton- so she seems endlessly "busy"!
WI is an idea - I should try it really, they meet at in a hall the end of my road! Trouble is I'm a bit frail emotionally at the moment and don't feel like going to places on my own and meeting new people... that will change I hope.

Your family sound like they have a kind way about them - hope they continue to do so over this year. Having someone to bring you food, or take you out when you're down must be such a comfort.

I understand emotional frailty, even if it caused by different circumstances. I forced myself to go to a book launch at the weekend, & felt so alone it took a lot of the pleasure out of it. All around me were people talking to other people, making plans for where they'd go for lunch next & I felt like I was the only one there who was alone (I expect I wasn't really, that's just how I felt). I'd planned on getting lunch out, but couldn't face sitting alone yet again, so went straight home. More MSE, I guess (trying to be positive).

I'm finding the longer I don't go out with my acquaintances (who are all married), the harder it seems to get to even think about going out anywhere, so maybe the answer is to just do it?

BookWorm wrote: »

Morning Peeps - hope you are all ok?

Welcome to KirtyO and domino3

Has anyone else had snow this week? It's only really been a dusting in this part of the world... but that's enough for me! None this morning but a very heavy frost. It would normally be a good excuse for an 'indoors day' but I'm meeting a friend for lunch today... so will have to brave the outdoors... brrrr


BW

Not even a sniff here BW

Hope all are doing well.

Hayleypoppins

Thanks my son is 18 and in his second year of A levels, so will be going to uni or getting a job so tax credit/child benefit will stop. He will ofcourse have to contribute towards the household finances but I will be losing £600 tax credits, £250 child maintenance and £85 child benefit per month!! Don't think he will contribute that much lol x

JustKeepSwimming_2

Hayleypoppins wrote: »

Thanks my son is 18 and in his second year of A levels, so will be going to uni or getting a job so tax credit/child benefit will stop. He will ofcourse have to contribute towards the household finances but I will be losing £600 tax credits, £250 child maintenance and £85 child benefit per month!! Don't think he will contribute that much lol x

Wow Hayleypoppins, that is a huge amount to lose all in one go :eek:. Without wanting to make your situation worse, have you thought about whether there will be any council tax implications too? Will you also lose the single person discount? I'll be in the same situation in a few years time (different figures but same principle) & have started to save a small amount each month to try & offset the huge loss. On the salary I earn its a very small amount but at least it makes me fell like I'm doing something.

How amenable would you ex be to continuing to support your son? Its a tricky one - I agree that all benefits should stop when a child leaves full time education & stops being a child, but I don't think its fair that all the responsibility then falls onto the single parent. IMHO the absent parent still needs to contribute by supporting their child/adult directly if that child/adult needs financial support - after all, that's what would happen in a two-parent family.

Hope all are having a good weekend :T I'd like some snow here, but not like they have on the West coast of the states. Has everyone seen the clip of the panda in the snow - its lovely (clip is quite a long way down the page)

Mrs_Money

Hayleypoppins, I can't quite remember, but I think Child benefit goes on a bit beyond 18 years if the child is in full-time education. When my son went to uni I believe we got it until he was almost (or actually) 19 years old.

FunBrum

Hayleypoppins wrote: »

Thanks my son is 18 and in his second year of A levels, so will be going to uni or getting a job so tax credit/child benefit will stop. He will ofcourse have to contribute towards the household finances but I will be losing £600 tax credits, £250 child maintenance and £85 child benefit per month!! Don't think he will contribute that much lol x

Sorry to hear that your income will be cut. If you take a look on these threads,I'm sure you will find ways of cutting back so that it may help with your income reduction.

I'm pretty frugal but have found the challenges over on the Debt-free wannabies challenges, have helped keep me on the straight and narrow.

Hope I've been of some hep to you

FunBrum

Justkeepswimming.... sorry to hear you feel so lonely.

I used to feel that way, but then I realised that if I didn't make things happen in my life...No one would! Now look for the fun and good in everything. If I feel a bit down or if I doubt myself, I tell myself that it is my choice to be happy. Circumstances and situations, happen, but it's our perception of them that we control and we can view things in a positive or negative way. Sometimes we can't change the situation, but we can change how we view it.
I'm sending you hugs and good vibes :grouphug:

Hayleypoppins

Thanks for all the advice my son was 18 last september - the oldest in his class, so even if child benefit does go on until 19 it will only be an extra month or so, my ex definitely won't continue with any support unfortunately as he only begrudgingly gives it to me now! Council tax shouldn't be too much of a problem as my 21 year old daughter is disabled so we get a discount anyway.
On paper I should be ok just, my son has decided he doesn't want to go to uni he has a part time job in a tool shop at the moment which he enjoys so hopefully they will be able to offer him more hours once he finishes school then we will be ok. I am pretty frugal anyway and this site helps x

Patchwork_Quilt

Hi there! I've been reading this lovely thread from the beginning but realised it's going to take a few weeks to get through to the end, so I've jumped in here and hope to meet in the middle at some point. I'm just about to be single, after 27 years married. It's not what I want and certainly not what I had planned for. In particular, I still have what I would call a 'second income' job - I earn £11k p.a. doing 30 hours per week in a school. This doesn't seem enough to live on. Or is it? I will be living alone most of the time, apart from when DS is home from Uni. I am hoping not to have a mortgage. Can anyone advise me please? And any tips? I am going to see the solicitor tomorrow to find out about the process of getting divorced. It all seems horrifying. I have good friends and a supportive family but no one who has recently gone through this.

Any thoughts welcome. Thank you! PQx

mothernerd

You are still eligible to claim the single person discount (25% off) on your council tax. You will need a copy of your son's student status for housing benefit form (he will get it from student services - he will need a copy for himself as well for term time). They may make you pay the full amount in the holidays but when you reapply in September you must state that it is a continuing course eg second year of a three year course and the extra charge for the holiday period should be refunded.

They will start charging you the higher holiday amount as soon as Summer term ends (try to put down the date of the last exam if you know it) and may take several months to send your refund so you will have to allow for this in your budget.

I have put three sons through higher education and had less than that but I know my income is extremely low. I have had never had a mortgage as I had too low paid/ insecure employment but I had paid for my first house by the time I was 25. I was extremely determined and desperate to leave home and it was basically a shell when I bought it.

It must be hard when you have been married for so long and you will need time to adjust especially as it seems the decision to part is not one you have chosen. I always planned to live alone and see the married bit as an aberration (although I love my sons dearly and do not for one moment regret having them). There are some compensations to being single (you can start by not buying any food,product or service that is for your husband's benefit).

You will need to draw up a budget and stick to it - start with Martin's. Then if expenditure is more than your income go through seeing what you can reduce or cut out (and as above ask if it is something you need in your life).

Charity shops are excellent for clothes and several of ours sell furniture. Some are very fussy about what they will take as donations and one of them gets Arg*s rejects (customer returns) - I bought two double beds for £60 each still in boxes, when my middle son and a friend rented my old house for a while.

Don't be too proud to accept other people's cast offs (some people choose to refurnish their houses every two or five years, wiser people can benefit from this) but on the other hand, don't feel obliged to take anything that is offered.

I'm going to stop for now as I don't want to 'lecture' - not meaning to but not sure how it sounds to others (I'm tired). Allow yourself time to adjust (mourn the old life) but this is your new life. You may not have chosen it but you have choices and should embrace them.