OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

girlsmum

JKS seriously! You paid for the coffee too

What has put me off men is that since i split with my ex 3 men i know have approached me mainly by text/FB etc and proposition me.
The first time was just after I split with my ex one of my really good friends split with her hubby about 10 weeks later she was devastated, Her ex then messaged me to say that he had always liked me and that he wanted to take me out now that we were both single…….needless to say I told him where to go.
Another time an old male friend got in touch with me, he lives abroad now and was messaging me daily with loads of stuff about how he wanted to move back and we could do stuff together etc. Then one day he stopped, ignored my emails, and removed me from FB and Skype etc. Seems he had a girlfriend all the time.
Lastly, a chap I know him and his partner, he started chatting to me on messenger, I thought it was innocent as he asked if I got home from a party that we both were at etc, well after a little while he started to get a bit saucy I laughed it off a bit with the comments maybe you should be telling your partner that, to which he replied “oh she won’t or she doesn’t like it etc” then he got engaged to his partner, he still tries to message me!

And people wonder why I am have no interest in meeting anyone.

LavenderBees

JKS - I think I have said this before, but I'm going to say it again - at the risk of sounding harsh and upsetting you, but I really need to say this! I really don't mean to upset you tho :grouphug:

You need to find some better friends than the so-called ones you have. Your so-called friends disgust me as much as your so-called date does.

There is nothing even remotely funny about this constant degrading of you. Why are you accepting it?

Tell them to [STRIKE]FO[/STRIKE] take a hike and find some people who value you. Stop being "fair to them", there's nothing to be fair about...they are constantly doing you down!

I could smack them all on your behalf. But seriously, you need to stop allowing yourself to be the butt of their jokes. You are worth more than that, and need to believe it!

Jeez........

LB xx

LavenderBees

JustKeepSwimming wrote: »

Morpeth doesn't sound quite as exciting as a trip to India or Italy, but I hope you have a fun day doing whatever you want to. Are you having to work on your birthday? Safe journey for the meeting.

What's wrong with Morpeth, like??

No, I'm working. Deliberately though. I just need to get through my birthday and my Mam's birthday next week, and then I'm back out the other side of my tough emotional week.

x

JustKeepSwimming_2

mum2one wrote: »

JKS - what an idiot, sorry I did smile, ... he hasn't met me, he'd most prob think he had 10 ton tessie if he did!!

ellie - the picture is beautiful xx

Not much going on here, dad had his mri scan, we get the news on Monday, its been playing on everyones minds, we're hoping its good news.

It seems to be one step forward 2 back, and not getting very far, get back on thee virtual treadmill as they say....

No worries about smiling Mum2one - it is a funny story .

Hope the weekend isn't too rubbish for you all & I hope Monday goes well :grouphug:

girlsmum wrote: »

JKS seriously! You paid for the coffee too....

Yep, I paid for a ridiculously overpriced coffee for him :mad:

Although he has sent me an apology by text (even if it is over a week later) saying he was very sorry for being so rude to me, that he was just very nervous & didn't think his heart was really in going on the pre-date with me (so why do it :wall:) & that perhaps we weren't suited (I think I'd gathered that already :rotfl:). A sort of apology then....

LavenderBees wrote: »

JKS - I think I have said this before, but I'm going to say it again - at the risk of sounding harsh and upsetting you, but I really need to say this! I really don't mean to upset you tho :grouphug:

You need to find some better friends than the so-called ones you have. Your so-called friends disgust me as much as your so-called date does.

There is nothing even remotely funny about this constant degrading of you. Why are you accepting it?

Tell them to [STRIKE]FO[/STRIKE] take a hike and find some people who value you. Stop being "fair to them", there's nothing to be fair about...they are constantly doing you down!

I could smack them all on your behalf. But seriously, you need to stop allowing yourself to be the butt of their jokes. You are worth more than that, and need to believe it!

Jeez........

LB xx

No you've not offended me at all & my sensible side agrees with you entirely. Thanks for seeing it all. I picked up my diary on the night of the pre-date & wrote how rubbish it had been. Also flicked back through the pages & realised that not only am I appalling at keeping a diary but that I've been ruminating about how certain friends had acted for a long time now. So yes, I should find some new friends.

But (& its a massive but) I have no idea how to go about this, & the timing of it all has been dreadful. During this month I've also been dropped from my bookclub (there are many new members, lots of the old guard have left & it has been decided that they're going to meet in a country pub that I can't get to, & my name has been left out of the lifts list. When I queried this, imagining it to be a simple mistake, I was told that there wasn't room in any of the cars for me - & the maths of that doesn't add up ).

I also managed to get blown out by my oldest (local) friend - we'd arranged to meet for coffee & cake, I'd sent her a text earlier that day & all was looking good, then 25 minutes before we we're supposed to meet she sent a text saying something had come up at short notice. By this time I was already half way to where we were meeting, so decided I'd go to a different coffee shop in town anyway....

...only to find her there with 2 other friends _pale_. I managed to duck out before I was seen (hopefully).

So while I think I do need some decent friends, I simply don't have the confidence to go out & try & find some, or an idea of what to do. My kids are both older so don't want me walking them to various clubs, so I don't meet other parents there. The good friends I made when I first moved here have all escaped, so although we're all still good friends & in contact regularly I may only see them once a year (& some not at all as in Australia & the US).

I put my name down for a club similar to the WI last year, but when I rang to find out when they thought there'd be a space I was told my name wasn't on the list - turns out I'd been removed from it by a woman who'd taken over membership not long after my name went down; whose son had deliberately ripped my DD's glasses from her face & stamped on them & who'd taken umbrage when I suggested she might like to pay for a replacement pair (she never did). Obviously wouldn't be the right club for me to join anyway if my face doesn't fit

I've looked into volunteering, but being at work doesn't help there as I can't do days :rotfl: & with rubbish transport I cant get to places in the evenings or on Sundays. I offered to help do membership for a local organisation, but as I can't get to where they hold their committee meetings I was told thanks, but no thanks.

I looked into a weekend walking group but not having a car to be able to lift share, I was told I couldn't just ask for lifts each time even if I was contributing to petrol.

I've asked if the local Brownies etc if they need helpers - they don't (& TBH I have enough of kids with my day job & my own 2 ). I've tried meetup, but there is nothing locally in the evening that I can get to. And no, I don't want to start a group.

Work friends suggested we got out for an Xmas evening at a local'ish department store - wine, meal, goodies bag, personal shopper (I'll just take the wine please); a bargain at £99. When I spluttered this is almost 3 weeks groceries for me, so they'd have to count me out, they looked stunned (so they haven't heard a word of my skint, single parent speeches either :wall:)

I hate that this post sounds so poor me, that isn't how I want to come across at all - I'm posting it all in the hope that one of you sensible grown ups may be able to suggest something to help. I genuinely don't have a clue as to what else I can do to find friends. I almost need an online friend service, like a dating service as I'm too old to sidle up to random strangers & ask them if they want to be my friend :rotfl:(like we all did at infant school I mean, in case you all think I'm a weirdo ).

Time for a glass of red & some rubbish TV - planning on trying to stay awake through 2 episodes of the final season of Desperate Housewives. I know its years old, but I still haven't seen it.

What else is worth watching?

Have a lovely w/e all. X

janb5

Dear JKS,


I had to respond to your post and like others am appalled at the attitude of your so called `friends`. They seriously don't deserve the honour of being your friend.


Do persevere with Meet up. I thought ages ago it wasn't for me and I was too old for it but I have since discovered other groups within the Meet up area and have been warmly welcomed. I also don't have a car so know the predicament you are in. I did offer to pay for petrol on the last trip we were on but it wasn't wanted.


I am a bit of a lurker so not sure what area you are in but if you want to PM me, it would be lovely to talk to you.


As they say don't let the b****rs get you down, they aren't worth it.


Sending lots of virtual hugs.

elona

JKS

The "person's" (I won't call him a man) sparkling wit, easy charm and intelligence are all equal -- nil!!!!

I am not impressed by the "friends " either.

How about something like evening classes or discussion groups or walking groups?

I met DH at the OU when I lived in Glasgow and he lived in Manchester at a weekend school down south. Neither of us expected to meet anyone , or intended to but we had a happy marriage, four daughters and nearly 33 years before we lost him.

You never know what is around the corner.

mothernerd

Big hugs jks. Sorry I don't have any advice to give. The only comparable thing I can think of in the friends letting you down department is when the last of our four cats died. I washed her, wrapped her in a blanket and brought her back to this house in a basket. DS2 was renting this house from me at the time, she was originally his cat and I wanted him to have the chance to say goodbye.

He was working in a bar at the time so I timed it for when he would be getting up as I knew he would be working until after midnight. I woke him, explained, let him look at her (I had wrapped her in case he didn't want to look) and then I dug a hole in the garden whilst he ran his bath. We buried her together and then he had to get ready for work.

My mother include the news when writing to a mutual friend who now lives in the Isle of Man. She responded by saying that it was 'typical' and that I was 'the only person' who would take a dead cat on a bus (I had the spade in my rucksack).

I still don't understand what I did 'wrong' or why it should be considered hilarious - if I had taken her to the vet's and paid for them to dispose of her, I would still have had to go on the bus. It's on my mind as someone on one of the craft forums has been talking about helping a neighbour whose dog has died as she did not have a car and none of the vets would collect it.

I think you are brave for 'dating' at all. I never understood the process. When I was young it always felt like trying to play a game where no-one had ever explained the rules or where the rules were liable to change without warning. I never knew when people 'fancied' me.

There is a showing of an old film for over 55s at the library on the last Friday afternoon of the month. It's only £1 and I have been trying to get organised / brave enough to go. I think it is one of the activities aimed at dementia sufferers and their carers (shared the lift with a friendly elderly man and his carer when I went to an exhibition in the other upstairs room) if I said/ did anything embarrassing they would have forgotten it by the next month.

Hope everyone has a good weekend - even if we are on our own (watched a lovely b&w film this afternoon).

candygirl

JKS the girls are right! Don't let anyone else take the P out of you! The bloke sounds like a complete ill mannered pr1ck, and your so called friends not much better!It is hard meeting people as we get older, but don't settle for idiots like this! You're worth far more than that !:A

ellie99

JKS, I didn't want to read and run, although I have no bright ideas right now.
Your friend in the coffee shop...I don't think I would have ducked out before she saw me...might have been a good thing if she had seen you and realised she'd been "caught out" as it were.
I would have had to say something to her...in fact I still would, tell her you saw her and ask her what she's playing at.

girlsmum, I get what you're saying about inappropriate advances from men (as opposed to nice available men )

I bet a fair few of us have had this. When a sort of distant colleague found out I was single again, he immediately asked me to go out with him (because he'd always really fancied me apparently :rotfl:)
I was a bit stunned and said to him "but you're married" and his reply was "oh would that bother you?"... he genuinely thought I would be fine with it!!!

Well yes, it did bother me...that he thought I was the kind of person who would do that, that he thought that's all I was worth, just a bit on the side...yuck!

And I don't think he realised that it's a small town and I talk to people...I knew I wasn't the only one he'd propositioned...I think his "thing" was women with long blonde hair!

3forholidays

JKS I don't have any ideas I'm afraid but I do know how difficult it is to get about on public transport - every journey takes twice/three times as long and is expensive too.

I don't have anybody that I would classify as a friend as I was a loner at school/college (in part due to disabilities) and when I went into the workplace everyone was at least 10 years older than me plus they had children so no real connections made there. Nowadays there are colleagues of a similar age that have joined the department over the years but they all have partners and children. Sometimes when it's someone's special birthday there is something organised and I do attend but there is no regular events.

So I'm a SINK (single income no kids) and have no idea where to go to meet people who might be willing to consider friendship but I do know one thing - you can't force anyone to be your friend.