OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

mothernerd

Sorry - I am not having a a great time atm and I prefer to withdraw a little (sometimes writing it out helps, sometimes it solidifies and extends the depression). I am in a fighting back phase after realising I had spent two days wearing only a long t-shirt and socks - cleaned the bath (living with DS3 is sometimes like having a St Bernard in the house), had a bath, attended to neglected bits, washed hair and slathered on moisturiser.

Still feeling at a bit of a loose end since mum has announced she wants a bungalow. Spent two years getting my other house ready for sale (part of the proceeds to go towards buying something we can both agree on but as time passes - have now reduced the house price twice - the amount she gets increases proportionately with loss coming out of my half of the proceeds).

A few weeks ago she announced that I could stay where I was. Bungalows round here start at £160k, she is looking at £100k ones - basically one near where she is now which belonged to another member of her church or one in the same street as her partner's grand-daughter (who does most of the running around but is paid to do the housework and given petrol money).

This ignores all the discussions we have had over the past 2 1/2 years about where she needs to be (since she fell downstairs) about access to hospitals, ambulances, the doctor's and shops (she is not far out of town but on the wrong side of the bypass which has 3 supermarkets/sports village/retail park/ hotel and more development planned. Minor roadworks make the whole area inaccessible from dawn till dusk). Mum is complaining that I am not visiting now but I cannot walk and cannot afford buses (recently bought a weekly ticket to get garden and other jobs done at the for sale house but she is serviced by a different bus operator).

I am trying to be adult and not over-react but it feels like a further rejection that she wants to move even further away from me. I am worried about ambulance response times where she is (difference between good recovery from eg a stroke and being bed-ridden). I know she needs the bungalow but as always her partner's needs (and those of his family) take priority. She looked a truly tiny house last week (even further away) but has not phoned back to say if partner agreed to move. His no is absolute (he now has Alzheimer's so would be cruel to move him) but she is sacrificing her health for his.

It's her 80th birthday soon and she has always wanted to see the Ladyboys of Bangkok. I spent an evening on the 'net' earlier this year checking the venue and bus times etc. I walked to her house (that's how I know I can't do it) but she wasn't in. When I got in touch she said she couldn't do buses (not sure if this is true or whether she's so used to being chauffeured around) and when she mentioned the date partner's twin grand-daughters were taking her out, I realised they must be taking her. She said it was a complete surprise (don't know if her memory is going or if it's just being with her partner all the time - I was monitoring this).

She hates and abhors 'surprise parties' and I was instructed to head off at the pass anyone who asked. I did suggest that she went for a meal with two of her female cousins as one of a 'series of events'. I had intended going too but got the usual 'Oh no - they didn't mention you', from mum. I am glad that she is going out - her partner is increasingly reluctant to go out (has even put his coat on and sat waiting to go after a meal at one of his children's houses) and after she was ill last year, she hasn't restarted any activities (used to go to dancing with cousin and to keep fit at the old folks home across the way), even church attendance is sporadic.

Recovering from my operation continues to be slow. I do notice small changes (moved a large plant pot from the shed and tackled the attic cupboard doors recently, both of which were previously too heavy). Spending time on the other house has meant things have slipped here, I urgently need to make some money, trying to do more physical therapy to improve things (less than 3 months to go, then that will be as 'improved' as I get - I want more). So many things, so little time (everything still takes me so long) and absolutely no money.

However I am fighting back. I will get things under control, inch by inch. I love hearing all your news but for now I don't have much to say. "Spent six hours weeding/ chopping back shrubs/ carting things back here as bin men are no longer emptying bins there. Three failed attempts at putting attic cupboard doors on then decided to take them all off and take apart the cupboard (Mr 'so-called builder', previous owner, has employed his favourite tactic of power driving screws in at odd angles, so getting them out manually is an on-going challenge). Can handle cupboard doors but not get them down the stairs yet so all I've done is make more mess and the garden just keeps growing."

I did bring back an old double kitchen cupboard from the shed to put under the stairs here (have 2 small cupboards and 4 x 40l tubs, complete with soil and plants lined up by the door to bring back). Thought I'd picked a quiet time but still got my own special little drunk who questioned me throughout the bus ride (got the sympathy of all the other passengers - maybe they were relieved he didn't pick on them). See if you look at it the right way life is just one big adventure and luckily I have a gift for seeing the funny side of things. Ah well, when all else fails, just keep telling myself I have got through worse and I will get through this.

meandmaboy

Sadly I don't think we have an "all" on this thread any more, it seems very quiet (even allowing for people being off on holiday).

Plenty of readers, but hardly any posters....anyone else feel like joining in and chatting?[/QUOTE]


Hi,
Would love to join in as i am lurker :eek: consider myself single , do have OH who doesn;t live with me & dont see him all the time :T:T:T
Have brought up my son on my own since he was 7 years & he's now @ uni, although we live in the same house, dont see alot of him either.

Do follow this thread & can relate to most of it, so if you'll have me i'll join in :)

ellie99

LavenderBees wrote: »

That is one of my nightmares..it's not as if many of us singlies have someone sitting at home ready to bring the spare key to us!

LB xx

No, I suppose we don't, I wasn't even sure if I had a spare key (one of the things I hadn't got round to checking).
I pay to be with one of the recovery services now, so would be all right if I really had a problem. (I've seen that ad on the telly, you don't *have* to be in the nuddy to phone them when you lose your keys, do you? :rotfl:)
Certainly wouldn't have paid when I had a helpful hubby at home I'm sure my DSs could help, but problems usually arise at awkward times, or when you're a hundred miles from home, so better to deal with it myself, even if it costs.

meandmaboy wrote: »

Hi,
Would love to join in as i am lurker :eek: consider myself single , do have OH who doesn;t live with me & dont see him all the time :T:T:T
Have brought up my son on my own since he was 7 years & he's now @ uni, although we live in the same house, dont see alot of him either.

Do follow this thread & can relate to most of it, so if you'll have me i'll join in :)

Welcome meandmaboy, do join in.
I also have one DS left at home, some days he's around, other days I don't see him at all. Today is one of the "not seeing him" days, so I don't have to cook properly tonight :T

mothernerd wrote: »

Sorry - I am not having a a great time atm and I prefer to withdraw a little (sometimes writing it out helps, sometimes it solidifies and extends the depression). I am in a fighting back phase after realising I had spent two days wearing only a long t-shirt and socks - cleaned the bath (living with DS3 is sometimes like having a St Bernard in the house), had a bath, attended to neglected bits, washed hair and slathered on moisturiser.

Sending you lots of hugs mothernerd :grouphug:
it sounds like you are not having a great time of it just now.
(and honestly I wasn't making a dig at individual posters, just making a general observation that lots of people must be reading but not posting).

It's difficult to watch aging parents make decisions we might not agree with, isn't it? I wonder what age we have to be before we accept that our children might know what's best for us.

I've carried many a strange object on the bus when I was young, but never a double kitchen cupboard...wow, well done for that!

And what is it with adult sons and the bath?!...my bath is always grotty, and I know it's not me. Just how far can they splash muck around, and how many hairs do they need to leave in it? :rotfl:

I am wondering if I have any wine in the cupboard. It's ages since I had a drink, but fancy one tonight...purely medicinal of course
I'm sleeping really badly, waking every hour or two through the night, and I'm knackered! Wondered if a drink would knock me out?

SquirrelSmall

Just like meandmaboy, I'll take the bait.

I live alone in London, having split from the ex earlier this year. It is the first time in the best part of 20 years that I've been on my own and I'm finding mostly good fun. That said, there are things that I'm learning that I can't do on my own (litmus test there was assembling the dining table from a flat pack, then realising I couldn't actually get it off its side and onto the appropriate orientation on my own).

I"ve always been happy with my own company, or at least with a good book, but working as a freelancer has meant that I've taken up shared office space with a lovely bunch of 20-something media types in trendy Shoreditch. Makes me feel old, but at least they have no qualms in scoffing down cake when I feel like getting the baking tins out.

CRANKY40

I'm shattered too...permanently it feels like. According to blood tests done by my doctor I've started the menopause at the age of 48. I had hormone problems and only one functioning ovary before hand so it's no surprise that it's arrived a tad early but blimey....I'm tired.

I also went to London last week with ds and my sister who flew in from Ireland. We visitied dad who has had his second knee replacement done. He reacts badly to morphine and the hospital was told not to use it. Three guesses what they did....yep, you're not wrong. He ate his ID bracelets, his bookmark and threatened to punch the pharmacist before someone bothered to check his notes. Luckily he has lived to tell the tale. The cats have also forgiven me for time spent in the cattery since we've been home.

I am supposed to be dieting but this menopause thing has put a spanner in those works too. I am too tired to cook and ds eats mostly the same things every day so I am just snacking on junk if and when I'm hungry. If I could live off rhubarb I would be fine. The stuff in the garden is growing at a rate that makes me wonder what exactly is in the soil underneath :rotfl:

I've dyed my hair purple today to cheer myself up (and possibly give everyone else a good laugh too). It looks alright. £5 off ebay as opposed to £100 at the hairdressers. No contest. Well done on breaking into your car Ellie, I had to phone the AA when I locked the keys in my car

LavenderBees

Yes, a drink (or two ) will knock you out, Ellie, but also possibly wake you in the early hours as alcohol swaps your sleep patterns around. But if you don't have to be up early tomorrow, maybe it doesn't matter?

Sorry to hear things are tough for you Mothernerd. It sounds like you are doing well in trying circumstances. Nothing like family for making things difficult, I've found.

I feel knackered and no menopause yet, Cranky. You have my sympathy. I started but have reversed back out again according to my blood tests...clearly I don't know if I'm coming or going, as with everything in my life :rotfl:

Welome, meandmaboy, and Squirrelsmall (fab name!) just jump in :T

I've had a frustrating day...frustrated with myself mainly. Last weekend, I pretty much chose a new stair carpet. Today I went to take another look before ordering it, and didn't like it! :eek: Completely unexpected.

I also had a swatch of material to paint match, and it can't be done...:(

My world is slowly but surely falling apart :rotfl:. I expected to be sitting down tonight with paint and carpet ordered, but no..this week nothing is that easy :rotfl:

My new girly fostered chicken is settling well. I let the other girls out for a romp on the lottie this afternoon, and then let new girly out of her cage. She enjoyed her check of the run and hen house, and spent ages staring at herself in the mirror, so close to it I could see her breath on the glass .

I let the others back in and they all enjoyed some treats together :T

And then naughty Mabel (2nd in command) realised she'd been derelict in her duty, and attacked. Easily deflected with more treats, but new girly was put back in her cage pronto. She isn't hand trained (for food out of the hand) but was happy to come much closer to me today, and thought about it for a while .

No one has rung to claim her yet :T, but some families will be on hols, so I'll leave the notice up on the tree on the village green for a week or two, and see what happens. I have a name for her if I get to keep her...Star...short for Wanderin Star :rotfl:

YBC had a tough time travelling this morning, very poorly, and is still looking wan. He is very sleepy. I'm keeping an eye on him, but think he is just shattered after being so stressed. He was covered from head to tail in what came out of both ends, poor soul.

A quiet night for me, I think, and I'll join you in a drink, Ellie. I am working my way through the freezer so an interesting concoction of Indian food tonight . I'm off to lottie just now to settle the girls, and pick some veges for Sunday "lunch".

LB xx

elona

I was not sure if I qualified as a single as we only lost DH in March and we have four daughters who I see regularly.

Trying to sell the family house as that and the garden are far too big for me. I am hoping to get a small bungalow that will be cheaper and easier to manage. All DDs are about to be living elsewhere so will have only myself to please but still want a spare room or two so family could stay over.

At the moment I feel as if I am in limbo until I sell and move.

BookWorm

Evening all

I swear someone is making the days shorter and time speed up :eek: anyone else suffer from that... or just me? :rotfl:

I've been here there and everywhere over the last week. A mixture of catching up with friends and family in other parts of the country, work travel, long work days and being so tired in between that I've been in bed most nights by 9pm... which is almost unheard of for me!

It is somewhat ironic that last week, I was having problems sleeping and this week, I can barely keep my eyes open :cool:

Feel much brighter today though. Been happily pottering around the house and garden today catching up on things. Also, had a couple of bods visit to give me some quotes for new patio doors (I know how to live eh? ). Got a couple more to see this coming week before I decide if/when/who/etc.

I'll join those of you having a cheeky drink - I'm just about to pour myself a lovely G&T - cheers!

Off to have a catch up on what I have missed

BW

CRANKY40

elona wrote: »

I was not sure if I qualified as a single as we only lost DH in March and we have four daughters who I see regularly.

Sort of single...you have an invisible husband. As I'm not searching for another one I think of the late MrCranky as more absent than anything else. I'm fairly sure that he's never very far away and we still mention him most days.

p.s. if anyone thinks I'm being a tad heartless I have already messaged Elona many times with as much help as I thought I could.

BookWorm

I've had a quick recce of what I have missed...

welcome to the newbies

hugs and positive vibes to those having tough times at the moment :grouphug: ... or even for those who may just like a hug. I know there are days I would