OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

mum2one

in the nicest of ways, I am so glad that I was not the only one to have a pillock of an ex, I went from being strong, capable of managing any situation, travelling was such an important part of my life, to then falling for the wrong person, instead of following gut instinct and do a runner, it sticks in my mind to this day that I remember thinking of the saying "dont judge a book by its cover", so I let my brain over rule my heart,...

His one classic comment - I'm known as jaffa ... why... I'm seedless - top that with I was told I couldn't have kids, but 6 weeks later the little stick went blue, we split up when I was 7 mths gone, - I was eventually diagnosed with ptsd with flashbacks due to a violent relationship,

I'll be honest and say that really put the knife in regarding any future relationship, DD is now nearly 12, I've made mistakes I'll hold my hands up, I always vowed that she wouldn't have a stream of uncles in her life. But the first 3 yrs I was fighting my ex-employer through employment tribunals, that took its toll, emotionally and mentally, by then I found it hard to let go, as I'd fought the employer, fought him which he back down, and I couldn't focus on me as a person.

I found myself falling for someone he was such a great guy, about 10 yrs older than me, but it boiled down to distance and we were both at different life stages, he had never been married, no kids, family orientated, but he had started a new life over there, and it wouldnt have been fair to have carried it on.

To sum up the situ with my ex, if I never saw him again it would be a day too soon, but it is like he has an invisible hold on me and DD, when we went to court, it wasn't why haven't you done x,y,z or why did you do a,b,c, it was "oh you poor man, you've been deprieved of any chance of a relationship with your daughter by that witch, it re-triggered the ptsd,

As the weekend we had a brilliant time, the weather was lovely and sunny, it was better than when we were up in the holidays, it sounds daft but it was good going back to the area and having a positive experience, the hotel was lovely it was an old hotel, looked a bit shabby looking, but inside was clean, tidy, we were given a family room with a seaview, everyone there was lovely and friendly.

We had the most weird experience this morning, got in the lift (on 2nd floor, and the restaurant for breakfast was on ground floor), in the lift the lowest floor listed was ground, - pushed the G button, the lift was moving, then it was in the basement... the lift opened, just left the outer door, there was a glass section in the door, all we could see was a brick wall in front of us, when we told the lay on reception she laughed, apparently the lift does it twice a day, no reason why, they've had it checked out - but no fault!

It sounds awful, but the last 6ish weeks, everything has figured around what happened to dad, and my loyalties have been questioned, / divided push and pulled, oh one hand I am mum to DD, and she should be no 1, but on the other I am daughter, and have had to be driver, shopper, organiser, strong one, the weak one, the everything and its taken its toll, both mentally, emotionally and physically, something simple just as nipping to the shop without being a military planned operation, it was priceless.


I've just realised another reason why i'm single,........snoring..... DD snored the cows home, the 1st night, I heard an almightly thump, about 3am, I thought someone had broken in, - no - she fell out of bed.... then got her sorted, she started snoring... blamed me that I snored.

Last night, - about 3am again I heard "mum get here quick", shes in bed, - get out of my bed, and sit on hers, shes spark out, and says i just wanted to see how long it took you to get here, .... I'm awake, so off to the loo.... back to bed, she starts talkin, we had a conversation - then she goes back off, talking again, this time was really upset and giving someone a mouthful.... , 4am, still awake, make myself a cup of tea, and go on the internet, - finally got off to sleep at 5,30am, then 8am shes wide awake and has no idea of the conversation...

Thou tonight shes got bruising coming out on her knee and arm where she fell,x x

Horace

Glad you had a wonderful break Mum2One. How strange that the lift does its own thing too - creepy.

Your DD sounds funny - fancy falling out of bed though, snoring and then having conversations in the night.

Hope you manage to get a good night's sleep tonight.

Am off to bed now so will catch up tomorrow but didn't want to read and run.

MrsAtobe

Delurks

Apparently I used to have sleep conversations with myself in two different voices when I was a teenager. So glad I was asleep for them, it would have freaked me right out.

Relurks.

moneyistooshorttomention

I'm not a cat-owner and our "resident" cat-owners might have a better take on this than me.

Personally, I'd try and find out where the cat got to if possible, so I knew exactly what was happening.

If the cat has decided to re-home themselves, then, cats will do what cats will do I guess and I suppose it wont be possible to do anything other than accept they have found themselves a new home if it comes to it that that is what the cat has done. Commiserations if indeed the cat does turn out to have rehomed themselves.

LavenderBees

ellie99 wrote: »

Eurgh, back down to earth with a bump, first phone calls with problems already received, Sunday seems a long time ago!

I know some of you have cats, can I ask advice please?

My DS2 has a cat, about 18 months old. Had him since he was a kitten. Live in the country and the cat was happy sleeping in the house during the day, and going out through his cat flap and hunting at night.
This summer has been hard, DSs girlfriend left, and took the dog with her. Slowly the cat has stopped coming home, I'm sure nothing's happened to him, I've walked the roads and found nothing, and he has appeared at home occasionally.
I think the cat was lonely because DS is out at work every day, and he also spent quite a few evenings at mine while the break-up was happening, maybe the cat misses the dog as well. Looks like he's found a better home. Now things have settled down, DS is at home more in the evenings and weekends.

Do you think DS should go round the neighbours looking for him?
Even if he finds the cat, he can't make him come home if he's got more company somewhere else.
I just feel so sad for him, the cat was the only thing he had left at home when his little family broke up.
Someone may have started feeding his cat without knowing where he came from. It's sad to think that the "new owners" won't even realise how much hurt has been caused by them taking in the cat.

I suppose if DS did find out who'd taken the cat in, at least he would know he was safe and well. I know cats will choose their own home, just seems a shame that DS has lost his cat because of one bad and disrupted summer.
Would you let it go, or go looking?

It's really a difficult one. How many months has the cat been gone?

Cats often decide they prefer someone else to live with or somewhere else. And it may have absolutely nothing to do with the family being split, although I would tend to think that the animal has sensed things haven't been going well, and has moved on before things got worse.

However, they are master opportunists, anyway. And they will often run 2 or 3 homes, sometimes more, if they can get away with it...bless 'em. . They are always "starving", "never been fed for days"...little tinkers.

When I was working stupid hours a few years back (often still at work at 1am, and then back in the office by 7am), my old-boy, who was then a young boy , moved next door. I suspected enticement mind, and had to ban my neighbour from feeding him, which cat can resist fish and chips?

His food was in my house, but he went next door for cuddles and to watch TV . As soon as I went back to normal working hours, he abandoned the neighbour, and moved back full time with me. :rotfl:

If this was my cat, I'd be moving heaven and earth to find him, even if ultimately to leave him where he seems happiest. Leaflets, posters etc. But ultimately, your DS may just have left it too late

LB xx

ellie99

LavenderBees wrote: »

It's really a difficult one. How many months has the cat been gone?

Thanks...it all kicked off last June, but the cat's only been gone a couple of weeks. It started with him not being there when DS got in from work at night, but he would often turn up during the night (usually with something alive that you'd rather was left outside!)...but for about the last 2 weeks he's not seen him at all.

Tbh for me it's just the last straw in what has been a really sh!tty summer, I think I'm as upset as DS is, although I'm mostly upset for DS.

nuatha

ellie99 wrote: »

Thanks...it all kicked off last June, but the cat's only been gone a couple of weeks. It started with him not being there when DS got in from work at night, but he would often turn up during the night (usually with something alive that you'd rather was left outside!)...but for about the last 2 weeks he's not seen him at all.

Tbh for me it's just the last straw in what has been a really sh!tty summer, I think I'm as upset as DS is, although I'm mostly upset for DS.

I'd ask around, it may be that the cat has adopted another home, it may be that its visiting two or three. I've had cats decide they didn't want to live with me and move out. I've also had a cat go walkabout for 9 weeks and turn up in beautiful condition as if he'd merely gone for a stroll.
Hopefully DS's cat is doing the latter, and at least finds their way home with the changing weather.

(Back to lurking)

Horace

I am not a cat owner but know that cats do their own thing - you can never own a cat because the cat owns you.

My parents' cat was enticed my mum to move in after she had spent some time living with the neighbours who mistreated her - she became a house cat and would only venture outside if mum was out there, once she and me had gone into the house and she hadn't noticed then she did and I had to open the back door and the door into the hall way because this mad cat came galloping in. After she died mum vowed that she would not get another cat - she didn't but a cat adopted her and several neighbours who would all feed him and brush him (he had long hair - his owners didn't give a damn). He would visit every day and stare through the lounge window (by this time mum had an extension) until mum gave in and let him in. When he was bored with mum, he would visit another neighbour and when he felt he had outstayed his welcome there he moved onto somewhere else.

Your DS could ask neighbours if he has been seen, if not then it could be that the cat has either found himself a new home or has been run over.

RosiePuddingPaws

I must admit I would have been asking around within a day of not seeing one of my cats. What if he has been shut in a garage/shed or something? Certainly I think your son should ask around to try and find out if anyone has seen the cat.

Byatt

I'd go looking Ellie, I have done when cats have gone missing. Lots of things could have happened but maybe start by asking near neighbours, checking with vet or/and rescue centre if one is near. We had a cat missing for a month who suddenly turned up, crying as he walked up our street. He was very dirty, a little thin but suspect he was being held somewhere. Good luck and sorry for the !!!!! time. X