OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

BookWorm

Enjoy your weekend away mum2one

Horace

Ellie when the time comes to clear the flat take a friend or two with you to help. Must admit my parents are very organised, mum has put everything into a folder which is in the bottom right hand drawer of her dressing table - details of all the policies, funeral requirements etc. etc.

BookWorm - I live in Brum but the area I have to go to is Sparkhill (it isn't a particularly nice area). There has been many a time when I have been in the city centre and felt unsafe due to bomb scares, gangs of lads pushing and shoving (I think the police term is steaming) and there have been other incidents where various factions have been demonstrating and it has all kicked off.

I forgot to put something on for dinner so ended up having a hard boiled egg and a slice of cake for tea. I walked to the meeting and walked home, one of my chums had ridden on her pushbike and insisted on walking with me until I reached the bottom of the hill and she went one way and I the other. The meeting was interesting and we are now making plans for the Festival of Light - a meeting will be convened at my house to formulate some plans and think of an name for us. We have a business mentor and we can use his shop window which is about 10ft long and about 7ft high - it is a chip shop (both my friend and myself immediately thought of free chips lol). We have about a month to get it sorted and it needs to be in the window and on by 5pm on Friday 24 October and taken down on Sunday 26 October.

ellie99

mum2one wrote: »

The stair lift is now up and running - but... (theres always a but), they've left a lovely oil stain on the carpet....

I recently had a new carpet fitted, and my DS has twice walked oil onto it...I found swarfega (for mechanics oily hands) lifted it. The carpet shop also had a spray which worked really well but I don't know the name of it, they called it a "really toxic spray", but it worked beautifully.

LavenderBees wrote: »

Big hug for your problem, too. Baby steps, remember. Start at the start, and keep plugging away at it. But also do give serious consideration to a house clearance firm, maybe do some of your own, and then get them in to finish it.

LB xx

I'm sure you're right...I think maybe me packing things and getting a charity involved to take the boxes away, then they can cope with the stairs.

It's the fact that this is hanging over us, and we know it will have to be done, but we don't have a start date because of her situation. It gives me too much time to think about it

moneyistooshorttomention

Seconded re the house clearing firm idea, once you've got the papers out of the way. I think its sometimes best to "get things over with" as soon as possible and this would help with that.

If there's one thing I'm remembering visibly this morning its that I think it may be harder for us singlies to have confidence in our own judgement (no-one there automatically backing us up within our own 4 walls).

I've woken up this morning to be reminded that "My own judgement was bang on" in the news this morning and am reminding myself to have more confidence in my own judgement than I sometimes do and to remember that its a far from uncommon thing for people to deliberately set out to undermine our confidence in our own judgement and to be aware of that. I think many of us probably do have less confidence in our own judgement without the Him/Her Indoors going "Yep...you're right and I think so too" that couples (with the exception of warring ones obviously) have. We don't have that Automatic A.N. Other to "set our head back on straight" when others rubbish our judgement and try and tell us that "black is white" that most couplies have and strategies for having the same "confidence in own judgement" that a "couplie" will usually have are welcome...

So...what are everyone else's strategies to have same level of confidence in their own judgement as many "couplies" take for granted? I'll start here = one of mine is to remind myself of several major issues I've had to fight over the years and I've won, followed by reminding myself that most other people (couplies included) wouldn't have summoned up the courage to take these things on and try and get them sorted out satisfactorily/fairly. All other ideas for confidence strategies welcome..

RosiePuddingPaws

Not having a good time. Not content with the washer dryer blowing up, I now appear to need a plumber for the en-suite loo. I dread to think what the third thing will be to go wrong.

Ellie - is it worth taking a quick look at the hoarding thread on this board. They will give encouragement and sympathy, if nothing else.

JustKeepSwimming_2

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

JKS - more !!!! to shovel as you say indeed re that reporting for benefit fraud.

Can I clarify? Presumably you mean unemployment benefit (but you haven't been unemployed) or disability benefit (but you don't qualify for it)???

If its unemployment benefit, then it should be pretty easy to prove you've never been unemployed (if that's the case) or only got the correct amount if you have been.

If its disability benefit, it should be pretty easy to prove you aren't disabled (if that's the case), eg a letter from your doctor might help.

Hence my wondering which type of benefit it is that you are referring to? It might assist us in thinking up how to deal with this if we know possibly.

There are two reasons for reporting fraud that I can see:
- either the person really is doing so and has upset the "reporter"

OR

- the "reporter" knows very well there hasn't been any fraud, but is just sh*t-stirring to be nasty.

It sounds as if you are in the second category in that respect and I expect DWP are well-used to people in both categories being reported and start off an investigation on everyone automatically, in order to ascertain which category the person reported is in. One of those automatic "computer things" iyswim.

Its for claiming income support for 3 years :eek: which I've never claimed. I did have to claim contributions based ESA for a few months some years ago, but that is a completely separate benefit & the dates don't match at all.

I'm sure those helpful people at HMRC could tell the DWP that I was self employed & filing tax returns for those 3 years, but I guess that wont happen due to data protection....

TBH I'm starting to wonder if the letter is actually a fake letter poison neighbour has created herself. There isn't a phone number on the letter, so I rang Jobcentre Plus (as I have a spare few hours to wait around :rotfl:) who kept thinking I wanted to start a new claim for IS, & couldn't tell me if I'd had an old claim :mad:. May try going to my JP if I can face it, but they were as much use as a chocolate teapot when I actually needed their services.

I think I'll watch & wait & try not to worry.

Winter_Phoenix wrote: »

I can sympathise entirely with that sentiment. But don't you find that, if you do have a partner, that is the very moment that he loses his job/confesses he's having an affair/gets himself arrested/drives his car off a cliff/walks out on you/gets into financial difficulties/springs on you something awful from his past/moves his elderly auntie into your spare room/breaks both legs/joins a cult/sets fire to the kitchen, or otherwise makes things ten times worse?

Or am I being too cynical here?!?

Fab list WP & certainly not too cynical :T You are quite right - I remember how utterly useless & CBA my ex was when my Dad died.

I just wonder why my choices seem to be no partner or rubbish partner. Why cant I have a decent one for a change? :rotfl:

ellie99 wrote: »

...I worry about this a lot, I know people say just get a house clearance firm in, but I feel I owe it to her to go through everything, especially all the piles and piles of paperwork.
(Mind you, I also feel she owed it to us to sort it out when she was able, but that's a moot point now). I feel totally overwhelmed just thinking about it.

The only good thing that's come out of the last few years of trying to persuade her to get rid of a few things is that it's made me look at my own house, and decide I'll not leave a mess for my own children to sort out. It's an ongoing process still, but I'm clearing out a lot, and am going to do a folder telling them about all the household and bank stuff....

I'm with you on this Ellie - my mother has a mahossive house that is rammed (& she still keeps buying more !!!! :wall:). I'm dreading the big clear out - I will have to do it as all the paperwork is scattered around the house mixes in with clothes, toys etc. I'm trying to streamline my stuff as much as I can for my 2 so they don't have the same problems. I'm really cross with her for not getting on with it all - she knows its going to be very difficult for me to do, but doesn't care enough to do anything about it :mad:

LB - so glad to hear your cats are recovering (& I also laughed at the sneezing, sorry). I'm off with a stinking cold today, but at least I know it will pass - the poor cats just don't understand that. But they can sleep when they like, whereas I can't

Hugs to all.

JustKeepSwimming_2

Have a fantastic w/e away Mum2one :j

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Seconded re the house clearing firm idea, once you've got the papers out of the way. I think its sometimes best to "get things over with" as soon as possible and this would help with that.

If there's one thing I'm remembering visibly this morning its that I think it may be harder for us singlies to have confidence in our own judgement (no-one there automatically backing us up within our own 4 walls).

I've woken up this morning to be reminded that "My own judgement was bang on" in the news this morning and am reminding myself to have more confidence in my own judgement than I sometimes do and to remember that its a far from uncommon thing for people to deliberately set out to undermine our confidence in our own judgement and to be aware of that. I think many of us probably do have less confidence in our own judgement without the Him/Her Indoors going "Yep...you're right and I think so too" that couples (with the exception of warring ones obviously) have. We don't have that Automatic A.N. Other to "set our head back on straight" when others rubbish our judgement and try and tell us that "black is white" that most couplies have and strategies for having the same "confidence in own judgement" that a "couplie" will usually have are welcome...

So...what are everyone else's strategies to have same level of confidence in their own judgement as many "couplies" take for granted? I'll start here = one of mine is to remind myself of several major issues I've had to fight over the years and I've won, followed by reminding myself that most other people (couplies included) wouldn't have summoned up the courage to take these things on and try and get them sorted out satisfactorily/fairly. All other ideas for confidence strategies welcome..

I don't have any strategies as such - the bad decisions are always uppermost in my mind, although I have mad a few good ones they are well outnumbered by bad ones!

I tend to use LB's mantra of "This Too Will Pass". Just wish it would all hurry up & get a wiggle on :rotfl:

RosiePuddingPaws wrote: »

Not having a good time. Not content with the washer dryer blowing up, I now appear to need a plumber for the en-suite loo. I dread to think what the third thing will be to go wrong.

Ellie - is it worth taking a quick look at the hoarding thread on this board. They will give encouragement and sympathy, if nothing else.

Have a dodgy :grouphug: RPP - no constructive words of advice to offer, sorry.

Horace

JKS There is always a phone number on benefit investigation letters. I received a letter a few years' ago to say that I was under investigation because I had paid tax in 2007 - I called them to say that I had paid tax because until August 2007 I was in full time employment. I never heard anything so rang again to discover that they were satisfied with my answer and closed the case. I wouldn't fret over it too much (I know it is scary when you receive these things) because you haven't claimed and haven't done anything wrong. JCP are pretty clueless at the best of times especially if they have to deviate from the prepared script.

moneyistooshorttomention

JustKeepSwimming wrote: »

Its for claiming income support for 3 years :eek: which I've never claimed. I did have to claim contributions based ESA for a few months some years ago, but that is a completely separate benefit & the dates don't match at all.

I'm sure those helpful people at HMRC could tell the DWP that I was self employed & filing tax returns for those 3 years, but I guess that wont happen due to data protection....

TBH I'm starting to wonder if the letter is actually a fake letter poison neighbour has created herself. There isn't a phone number on the letter, so I rang Jobcentre Plus (as I have a spare few hours to wait around :rotfl:) who kept thinking I wanted to start a new claim for IS, & couldn't tell me if I'd had an old claim :mad:. May try going to my JP if I can face it, but they were as much use as a chocolate teapot when I actually needed their services.

I think I'll watch & wait & try not to worry.

It is, of course, a possibility that this is a fake "poison pen" type letter that this person has thought up. To me, it looks worth investigating to see if its a genuine letter as your first port of call. Can you visit the DWP office with the letter and see someone in person and get their views on that. If its a poison pen letter, then it may be quite obvious to them at the outset that it is and they can set your mind at rest.

Errrmmm...don't assume that "data protection" rules apply between different Government Departments....errrrm....at a guess...possibly...maybe...errrm...:cool:

Second thought - have you got records of this benefit you actually did claim? Would think bank statements you keep anyway would identify dates/source of benefit claimed?

Third thought - you could always "cut to the chase" and offer DWP the tax returns you filed during the time in question in order to be "helpful in clarifying the matter". Personally, I'd probably go down that route (if you establish that the letter is genuine).

I think it would be by far the wisest course of action to actually visit the address on the letter now and clarify if it is or isn't a genuine letter. If its a fake, then you've lost nowt (well...okay your time and possibly a bus fare to get there....DO take a good book to read whilst waiting). Keep careful records of this visit just in case.

If its genuine, then you need to "get onto it" as soon as you can and get matters resolved.

Either way...I think it best personally to get it checked out and dealt with.

It may well be that its a poison pen letter and "reporter" is hoping to stir things up a bit and I do know what its like to receive one of those (ie because I had one myself some years back...so I do know that its upsetting). It turned out to be "all sound and fury" and was part of a mini-series of things done by this particular person because I had taken them to task about something (quite rightfully/fairly/etc and it was due) and the poison pen letter was part of their response to that. Goods turning up on my doorstep that I had apparently ordered (no I hadn't!) also happened at the same time and it was therefore clear they were "having a go".

Have you experienced anything else recently? (eg fake orders made in your name? or the like). That will be one way to help you judge whether its a poison pen letter or no. If it is a poison pen, then the "reporter" may have had another recent "go" at you and, if not, oh boy...I guess its best for me to say "be on the lookout" in case they do "have another go". I'd rather not worry you...but, on the other hand, I'd rather you were prepared for "summat else" just in case...

LavenderBees

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

So...what are everyone else's strategies to have same level of confidence in their own judgement as many "couplies" take for granted? I'll start here = one of mine is to remind myself of several major issues I've had to fight over the years and I've won, followed by reminding myself that most other people (couplies included) wouldn't have summoned up the courage to take these things on and try and get them sorted out satisfactorily/fairly. All other ideas for confidence strategies welcome..

That's an interesting question, and trusting our judgement is one I'm sure we all struggle with at times. I think I have two strategies -

1. The gut instinct/the immediate response - I don't necessarily act on this though as, whilst it is a strong indicator of the strengths of my emotions, it isn't necessarily an indicator of the best way to win the day, as it were. I have learnt that slowly and gently generally gets what I want (although the slow pace can drive me up the wall)

2. Talking it through with trusted and respected friends - this is a biggie and cannot be underestimated. Often, especially from a couple of friends in particular, I get a different perspective :eek:, which I may not always agree with, but it makes me think that bit harder and a bit more around something. I prefer this more thought provoking response of "are you sure....do you really want to go this route? What other alternatives have you considered? to make me think harder.

And then, I decide on action ...taking into account 1 and 2. Me, on my own, alone, the only one. Even in a couple, I would feel responsible for my own decision making. I get tired of being responsible though ...

One day, when I am old(er), I intend to say and act on my gut instinct...and watch with delight the chaos that ensues :rotfl:. Roll on that day.... :T

LB xx