OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

ellie99

RosiePuddingPaws wrote: »

Not having a good time. Not content with the washer dryer blowing up, I now appear to need a plumber for the en-suite loo. I dread to think what the third thing will be to go wrong.

Ellie - is it worth taking a quick look at the hoarding thread on this board. They will give encouragement and sympathy, if nothing else.

I do read there sometimes RPP, maybe I'll post there if I need help later, we can't touch anything yet, because although it's obvious she won't be going home, nothing's been officially confirmed yet, and we can't just start getting rid of her stuff.

Let's hope the "third thing" happens soon ,and then you'll know what you're dealing with...funny how many times things come in threes.

JustKeepSwimming wrote: »

I just wonder why my choices seem to be no partner or rubbish partner. Why cant I have a decent one for a change? :rotfl:

I'm sure there are decent ones out there JKS, I don't know where they are because I'm not looking, but they're there somewhere

Re your letter, FWIW I wouldn't do anything if you're sure you didn't claim anything, just file it in case you get any more. It's up to the benefits people to prove you claimed, not you to dis-prove it. If you didn't claim, then there will be no record of you getting any payments.

ellie99

LavenderBees wrote: »

One day, when I am old(er), I intend to say and act on my gut instinct...and watch with delight the chaos that ensues :rotfl:. Roll on that day.... :T

LB xx

Love it :rotfl:

I think gut instinct is a big thing...on the few occasions I've over-ridden my gut instinct, things have gone badly wrong, so I'm more willing to listen to it now.

I don't know *how* you get confidence in your own judgement, I just seem to have it. I'm sure it's nice as half of a couple to have someone agree with your choices, but I'm not sure how much that helps.
For years I've been confident in buying cars, houses, moving house, leaving work, finding work, going self employed, bringing up children, all big things...I think I just had to get on with it.
I don't talk things through with my friends much (well, I will chat, but I'm not looking for help in making my mind up). I walk, and churn things over in my mind. I also make pro/con lists if I can't decide.

The only thing I make a mess of is picking men, so I've given that up for the moment :rotfl:

I read a book (can't remember the title) which took the view that as soon as you've made a decision about something, that's it, there is no wrong choice. So if you had to decide between path A and path B, if you chose path B, then that's your new starting point, forget about the other options, there are no wrong decisions. Sorry, I'm not explaining it very well, but it takes the pressure off worrying that you're making the wrong choice... there are very few things which can't be put right if you don't like where your choices take you.

now, if only I could decide what to have for tea...:rotfl:

moneyistooshorttomention

I do fully understand that its one possible approach to wait for the Benefits people to do something and try and prove you DID have money you didn't have iyswim.

Errrm...own experience of these things would be more along the lines of "take bull by horns" and "nip it in the bud".

The DWP and HMRC can be right b*******s if/when they get their teeth into something and single best way to convince them of your innocence is to get in right at the outset and do a swift/short/sharp "evidence" thing to prove they're wrong and that should, hopefully, sort that in the quickest and easiest way possible.

Just my opinion...and err...one or two things I have noticed over the years.

Up to you to decide which way to handle it for the best.

moneyistooshorttomention

[QUOTE=ellie99;6654471

I read a book (can't remember the title) which took the view that as soon as you've made a decision about something, that's it, there is no wrong choice. So if you had to decide between path A and path B, if you chose path B, then that's your new starting point, forget about the other options, there are no wrong decisions. Sorry, I'm not explaining it very well, but it takes the pressure off worrying that you're making the wrong choice... there are very few things which can't be put right if you don't like where your choices take you.

now, if only I could decide what to have for tea...:rotfl:

[/QUOTE]

Would tend to agree re gut instinct.

As regards men, I have a distinct problem there. That problem being that there are probably very very few men indeed on the planet that will measure up. I look at my father (ie highly intelligent/good-looking/skyhigh integrity and honesty/hardworking/faithful) and I've been on a "losing wicket" ever since haven't I? - ie trying to find someone similar for myself:rotfl:There just ARENT going to be many like that are there in all honesty?:( Its unrealistic to think it and I long ago gave up either trying to on the one hand or settling for third-best on the other hand.

Re paths to choose - be it path A or path B - I've often wished there were signposts up saying "Choose this house/that job/that boyfriend/etc/etc and that is THE best choice available to you to make" and, even if I could see my choice going wrong, then I would know I had made the best possible choice that was available to me to make. You know the one = for instance "There is sh*t job 1 or sh*t job 2 to choose from and there isn't any lateral thinking available to avoid taking either of them" and up would come the signpost saying "Make it sh*t job 2 - as its the lesser of two evils".:rotfl:

ellie99

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

As regards men, I have a distinct problem there. That problem being that there are probably very very few men indeed on the planet that will measure up. I look at my father (ie highly intelligent/good-looking/skyhigh integrity and honesty/hardworking/faithful) and I've been on a "losing wicket" ever since haven't I? - ie trying to find someone similar for myself:rotfl:There just ARENT going to be many like that are there in all honesty?:( Its unrealistic to think it and I long ago gave up either trying to on the one hand or settling for third-best on the other hand.

I see what you're saying, but I just can't dismiss the whole male population...there are plenty of "good guys" out there

My DH was one of the good ones, and just because I picked 2 (or maybe 3 ) of the bad ones doesn't mean it's unrealistic to think you could find a "good one". It probably says as much about me as them that I chose badly.

I know quite a few really nice guys, but they're all married, that makes them safe, doesn't it. And as we get older everyone comes with more baggage.

My personal take on it just now is that I feel more secure on my own, whether that will change I'll just have to wait and see.

I just wish we could find a *good one* for JKS

mothernerd

ellie99 wrote: »

I read a book (can't remember the title) which took the view that as soon as you've made a decision about something, that's it, there is no wrong choice. So if you had to decide between path A and path B, if you chose path B, then that's your new starting point, forget about the other options, there are no wrong decisions. Sorry, I'm not explaining it very well, but it takes the pressure off worrying that you're making the wrong choice... there are very few things which can't be put right if you don't like where your choices take you.

now, if only I could decide what to have for tea...:rotfl:

Similar but not quite the same, in business strategy is to make a decision. If you are right, things will be fine. If your decision is wrong then it will whack you in the face pretty quickly and you can then develop a different strategy, but don't waste too much time agonising over which way to go (a la hamlet - always wanted to pick him up and shake him, stop dithering man, do it or don't but stop going round in circles - think I was 13 or 14 when we 'did' it at school).

lessonlearned

Hello Everyone

sorry I've not posted for a while but I've just caught up with you all.

JKS - sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time. Hang in there, the dark clouds will part and the sun will shine again.

Well it's nearly 6 weeks since my husband died. On the one hand it seems like yesterday whilst on the other it seems like an eternity.

I have been keeping buys, dealing with all the endless paperwork.

I am not going to make any major decisions about my long term future just yet. I'm living with my son for now - helping him renovate his house so that is keeping me occupied. Whenever I'm troubled or unhappy I find working with my hands is very soothing. I find diy and gardening very therapeutic. I'm never happier than when I'm sloshing paint around.

Re the diy. There are loads of tutorials on the web, just google what you need to know and have a go. I am entirely self taught. I bought my first property in 1976 and just rolled my sleeves up and taught myself.

B&Q do a range of short courses aimed at women and there are a number of training providers who do women only courses.

Obviously electrical and gas work is , best left to professionals and women are not usually as physically strong as men, but with so many power tools and gadgets available these days we sisters can do it for ourselves.;)

And of course, being male doesn't necessarily mean you are good at diy. My husband was a wonderful man but diy was not his strong point. I usually ended up eithe doing most of it or teaching him how to do it....I taught him how to build a brick wall.:rotfl:

I have to clear my parents house - not an easy task but at least I have my sister to help me. Its a very sobering process.

I'm also having to make decisions about some of my husband's possessions and, as I do so, I have been rethinking my own life.

I have been reading a lot of Simple Living type blogs and I have decided that this is going to be the way forward for me - I have already started decluttering and putting my affairs in order.

I have of course done my will and both financial and health and welfare powers of attorney. I have also started compiling a list of instructions for my children, passwords, details of bank accounts, instructions of what to do with my more valuable personal effects etc.
I think it's only fair. I don't want to leave things in a muddle for my kids to have to sort out.

It might sound a bit morbid, but once it's all done then I will be able to relax and just get on with the rest of my life.

In the meantime I have decided it's time to address some of my own personal needs. My late husband was ill for 9 years and during that time I did have to put my own needs on the back burner. I have decided to get my life back, address a couple of minor health issues and just generally get fitter and healthier.

This week I have been to Physio and have restarted my Pilates class. I am trying to eat more healthily and try to fit in a short walk each day.
I am well enough but not really fit so I'm going to tackle this.

As daft as it sounds although I have not had a holiday since 2006 I don't really feel up to it yet. However my sister and I are aiming to treat ourselves to a night in a posh spa hotel for a bit of pampering.

JKS your B&B experience sounds truly awful, although tbh it's probably for the best that you didn't actually stay there. I doubt that you would have felt welcome or comfortable. How do people like that stay in business........

As for finding Mr Right - well he's surely out there somewhere, you'll probably find he comes into your life when you are least expecting him.

lessonlearned

Re decision making.

I think one of the problems of being on your own is not being able to bounce ideas off your partner. I agree though sometimes it's best just to make a decision rather than endless dithering. It can always be revised at a later date if necessary.

I do think that you should listen to your inner voice. It might sound sexist but I do think that women have the edge on that. Female intuition can be a very powerful force. If it feels wrong then it Probably is.

greenbee

Female intuition isn't as vague as it sounds. It is all to do with the structure of our brain and the fact that we take in and assimilate information from lots of different sources.

The only reason it is labelled the way it is, is because men did the labelling and their brains work differently.

Someone pointed out recently that 'big data' isn't new. That's how women have always worked, but men need technology to do it for them...

ellie99

lessonlearned wrote: »

I am not going to make any major decisions about my long term future just yet. I'm living with my son for now - helping him renovate his house so that is keeping me occupied. Whenever I'm troubled or unhappy I find working with my hands is very soothing. I find diy and gardening very therapeutic. I'm never happier than when I'm sloshing paint around.


I have of course done my will and both financial and health and welfare powers of attorney. I have also started compiling a list of instructions for my children, passwords, details of bank accounts, instructions of what to do with my more valuable personal effects etc.
I think it's only fair. I don't want to leave things in a muddle for my kids to have to sort out.

It might sound a bit morbid, but once it's all done then I will be able to relax and just get on with the rest of my life.

I don't think it's morbid at all lessonlearned, I think it's an act of love to have things sorted for your family when the time comes.

Glad to hear you are keeping busy with practical things...after my DH died I "taught myself" gardening, got really immersed in it, reading magazines, books, digging and planting and laying paths. Also decorated a lot when the kids were in bed. I think it all helps to keep an antsy mind occupied.

And good call to not make any big decisions yet...I made decisions, and 18 months later I was doing a complete 180 turn around

As the saying goes...take baby steps, every small thing you do for yourself is a little victory.