OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

JustKeepSwimming_2

Byatt wrote: »

JKS,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cst7K_7jxYo

play this really loud, as you dance around the house...:D

I would suggest that you don't argue with ex, it's not easy I know, but it's a power play, stop playing the game that he is dictating...he wants to feel better about himself by putting you down. Hugs.

Thanks Byatt - have had a boogie! I do try not to argue (& especially not in front of the kids) & often my reply to any comment of his is "What would you like me to do about it?". Not even said in a sarcastic way, but a genuine question - seems to annoy him. Actually everything I say/do annoys him.

MummyBobble wrote: »

I'm liking this idea. DD's last four exams next week are science and maths so I'm going to wrap her in brown paper and post her to Pixichick who can then re post her on to JKS.

Byatt - with you on not arguing with the ex. In my case he's not got a clue what's going on (and doesn't actually want to know in case he has to do anything), takes the credit for whatever is going well but puts no effort in himself :mad:. After my very unfortunate meltdown last year one of the hardest things for me to learn from my counselor was that I not only needed to stop blaming myself for other peoples behaviour (as in "Excuse me, but you chose to do that, I didn't make you do it"), but also to try to give myself the credit for what I was doing. If my children are happy, clean, dressed and fed I am doing something right. So please JKS give yourself the credit you deserve :T. Being a parent is not easy.

You are so right there, MB. I think I'm just super sensitive at the moment, so everything feels raw. My ex has confided that he'd wanted to leave me for years & had spent almost all of the 8 years we we're together feeling desperately unhappy, knowing he'd made the biggest mistake in his life marrying me. Sadly for both of us he didn't share how he felt with me, so for a long time I had no idea he was so unhappy. He was away for long periods, then would be out doing his hobbies when he was home, so we didn't spend as much time together as most couples do.

I feel like those years were a waste & that I must be stupid for not "getting it", & it has made me doubt myself in my relationships with others - he hasn't said I was the vilest creature in the land or anything, but it has knocked me somewhat to know that the person I wanted to spend my life with was plotting on how he could ensure he spent as little time with me as possible. I now find it hard to believe that friends really do like me,or mean what they say & this is hard to get over.

But enough mithering - for some reason I can no longer use smiles (they just don't work now?) so insert a shrugging smilie here.

Byatt wrote: »

As for books I am reading
Miss Smilla's Feeling for Snow by Peter Hoeg

a Danish writer, and so far very ineresting regarding the details about Greenland and Denmark, which are a real eye opener. Mixed reviews on Ama$on, but so far loving it. The heroine is a singly, and I can relate to her even with the difference in countries.


One scene, she is contemplating suicide (sounds grim but the lead up sets the scene), and everything happens to interrupt her, the door bell ringing, someone shouting through the letter box...she says it's a day for someone tapping on the window, 5 floors up...then there is a tap at the window, the window cleaner, he jokes that he thought he'd better let her know he's there so she doesn't get undressed; she shouts, what are you saying?! you don't want to SEE me naked?? (the implication being that she is too old and ugly)...


Anyway, it is a thriller/murder mystery.:cool:

This is on my very long list & I have friends who have loved it -let us know what you think of it. So sorry to hear your DD is having "problems" again - hugs. I really don't know what I would do in your situation, sorry I have no advice but hope a hug will help.


MB - can't believe your DD has left school - wow! I shall look out for her in the post & have some experiments lined up for her. Hope the exams go well.


Hope the tent/hammock malarkey goes well LB & Calicocat - you must post pictures!


Finally a belated hello to Pixiechick99 & If At First, & hope everyone has a good weekend. I have joined the drinkers with a nice glass of red, & am watching the tennis.

calicocat

Lol.....


Actually, those of you with a working brain could maybe work this out for me without putting it up......the ones who love maths?

I'm a dumb-azz with math, and also am too tired to put my head in gear.


If the tent bed area is 200 by 200.....what is the diagonal length?? As think to fit hammock in, it would have to go diagonally.

Come on people, someone work it out......(smiley face)

BookWorm

JustKeepSwimming wrote: »

I feel like those years were a waste & that I must be stupid for not "getting it", & it has made me doubt myself in my relationships with others - he hasn't said I was the vilest creature in the land or anything, but it has knocked me somewhat to know that the person I wanted to spend my life with was plotting on how he could ensure he spent as little time with me as possible. I now find it hard to believe that friends really do like me,or mean what they say & this is hard to get over.

Hey JKS - you have no need to feel stupid. You are not a mind reader and given you spent limited time together as a couple it's not surprising that you didn't pick up on anything. I'm sure for your part that you were just enjoying (or trying to) enjoy the time you were with one another.

Don't let him get into your head. You have done nothing wrong and you will get through this time of self doubt. I speak from experience on this part and I'm probably one of the most cynical people (or so my friends tell me!) and I managed it eventually...


Big hugs xx

BookWorm

calicocat wrote: »

If the tent bed area is 200 by 200.....what is the diagonal length?? As think to fit hammock in, it would have to go diagonally.

According the famous mathematician that is G@0gle - 282.84271

calicocat

BookWorm wrote: »

Hey JKS - you have no need to feel stupid. You are not a mind reader and given you spent limited time together as a couple it's not surprising that you didn't pick up on anything. I'm sure for your part that you were just enjoying (or trying to) enjoy the time you were with one another.

Don't let him get into your head. You have done nothing wrong and you will get through this time of self doubt. I speak from experience on this part and I'm probably one of the most cynical people (or so my friends tell me!) and I managed it eventually...


Big hugs xx

Totally agree with this.

I had this a few years ago, and it does knock you for six, I found it hard to take in that someone was spending a lot of their time trying to avoid 'us' time....and that wasn't someone I saw me spending my life with. I think the feeling of disappointment that they can't just end it or be honest is what is annoying.

But don't let this affect how you view your friends!...if your friends are spending time with you it is because they want to.


Bookworm...you are a star, thank you. I clearly didn't have the nouse to even google that at the moment.

BookWorm

You're welcome Calico - it's my standard response to everything :rotfl: no idea what I did before it was here

LavenderBees

JustKeepSwimming wrote: »

I think I'm just super sensitive at the moment, so everything feels raw. My ex has confided that he'd wanted to leave me for years & had spent almost all of the 8 years we we're together feeling desperately unhappy, knowing he'd made the biggest mistake in his life marrying me. Sadly for both of us he didn't share how he felt with me, so for a long time I had no idea he was so unhappy. He was away for long periods, then would be out doing his hobbies when he was home, so we didn't spend as much time together as most couples do.

I feel like those years were a waste & that I must be stupid for not "getting it", & it has made me doubt myself in my relationships with others - he hasn't said I was the vilest creature in the land or anything, but it has knocked me somewhat to know that the person I wanted to spend my life with was plotting on how he could ensure he spent as little time with me as possible. I now find it hard to believe that friends really do like me,or mean what they say & this is hard to get over.

He's messing with your head...give him the old heave ho to get him out of your head.

My ex didn't say anything like that, but that simply left me trying to work out when he started to feel like that...

So you can't win really. It's a classic rejection issue, I suspect.:(

But we like you, and enjoy spending time online with you :T

LB xx

Byatt

JKS, you don't have to answer this, but if your ex left for someone else, it's pretty much a standard response in the "infidelity handbook" that they weren't happy for years. Insert yeah, right...smiley.

I think it's a cruel thing to say whatever the truth. And it sounds from what you say about his criticsm of you regarding the children, that you would never do anything right in his eyes, and there was no way of knowing his "real" feelings because he didn't let you know. Mine told me and everyone else he had been miserable for years when he planned to leave, after all why make him the bad guy when it's so easy to blame someone else. They rewrite our history and yes it does make you feel unsure about friends and relationships. I know I was very damaged by it. Mine hinted at infidelities with friends of mine, and I will never know the real truth.

Calico, I hope to go to Italy. I haven't told LB yet :eek::D, but hope to pop up again later this year, so will liase to check when it all fits in.

BW, we went to HFW when LB was down, had the most amazing mussels! I've been seen but mussels weren't on the menu which was disappointing. If you ever come down the far SW let me know I'm near River Cottage too. :T

ifatfirst, I've never been to Belgium, imagining lots of Victor Meldrews made me :rotfl: You sound like you have a plan however!

LavenderBees

Byatt wrote: »

Calico, I hope to go to Italy. I haven't told LB yet :eek::D, but hope to pop up again later this year, so will liase to check when it all fits in.

BW, we went to HFW when LB was down, had the most amazing mussels! I've been seen but mussels weren't on the menu which was disappointing. If you ever come down the far SW let me know I'm near River Cottage too. :T

ifatfirst, I've never been to Belgium, imagining lots of Victor Meldrews made me :rotfl: You sound like you have a plan however!

Eh, wot? How quickly can I move house? :rotfl:. You're very welcome any time, Byatt.

HFW River Cottage cafe thingy in Axminster was lush. I loved it! Couldn't honestly believe I was there. Wish it wasn't 400 odd miles away!

I've been to Belgium, many years ago. Bruges to be precise. I remember it was very pretty and it's where I first discovered moules frites...hence ordering it at HFW's. Yum Yum!

Am starving now. Been (in my PJs) to check on the girls....moved Mam's estate forward as much as I can today, and can now put feet up :T

LB xx

ETA - I don't remember grumpy people...is that a recent thing??

calicocat

Byatt...Italy!....fab, and good for you , you will love it. Also look forward to your next trip up here, and me being off for a change when you do.

JKS......one has to ask what it is he's getting out of all the nasty comments and criticism..?? . Sounds like he wants either be able to continue to pull you down as he is in fact insecure, or that he isn't amazingly happy himself at the moment.....or both.

When someone feels the need to do what he is doing to someone, it usually means a lack of confidence themselves, possibly a need to control, and is a sign of an unhappy person.....don't let him do it to you. In fact, turn the tables and do it back to him, or simply ask him to stop as he is becoming more than a tad boring.


Nothing a bloke hates more than being told he's boring you from experience....it will have him retreating to his cave for a while and give you some space to breathe.



Re:..belgians being grumpy. A friend of an ex was married to a belgian, I wouldn't have said she was grumpy to be fair, but looking back now, she was never really excited or gushing about anything. Her temperament was the same no matter what was going on.