OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

mum2one

LavenderBees wrote: »

Hope you had a lovely time. I wondered who had stolen the sun. It was you! Can we have it back now, please? No questions asked, just leave it somewhere near my lottie.

:rotfl:

Deal - but you have to have the sunburn as well.... we were plastered in factor 50 and still got burnt patches... xxx

mum2one

Can I rack your brains, - it was something that I encountered more on this holiday, I'm a single parent DD is 11 - never seen her dad,

The locals the 1st question where is your husband, (standard question), but British people seemed to want to dig deep into why he wasn't around, one family my DD had made friends with their daughter and she kept on and on how unfair it was that her dad wasn't in her life, I ended up telling her the truth (wasnt pleasant) and bless her heart she apologised and said you did the right thing.

It riles me that your seen as a freak show (that may seem extreme), or a topic of discussion, even when I had said just the 2 of us, it never seems to satisfy people, and to be honest I feel like saying go away very impolitley, - those that need to know the ins and outs do (doctors, hospitals, solicitors, courts, police, school, close friends and family).

It may sound daft but it feels like theres a beacon on my head that says single parent...

Why people pry further, after the initial its just the two of us, they dont stop there, it bugs me...

Rant over - just wondered how to be polite without sounding rude xx

LavenderBees

mum2one wrote: »

Can I rack your brains, - it was something that I encountered more on this holiday, I'm a single parent DD is 11 - never seen her dad,

The locals the 1st question where is your husband, (standard question), but British people seemed to want to dig deep into why he wasn't around, one family my DD had made friends with their daughter and she kept on and on how unfair it was that her dad wasn't in her life, I ended up telling her the truth (wasnt pleasant) and bless her heart she apologised and said you did the right thing.

It riles me that your seen as a freak show (that may seem extreme), or a topic of discussion, even when I had said just the 2 of us, it never seems to satisfy people, and to be honest I feel like saying go away very impolitley, - those that need to know the ins and outs do (doctors, hospitals, solicitors, courts, police, school, close friends and family).

It may sound daft but it feels like theres a beacon on my head that says single parent...

Why people pry further, after the initial its just the two of us, they dont stop there, it bugs me...

Rant over - just wondered how to be polite without sounding rude xx

But why would you want to be polite to these people who are being so rude (not to mention insensitve and hurtful) to you??

It beggars belief that people, especially on holiday, seem to think that affords them a level of intimacy that would not be appropriate in normal life. I would have just tried smiling enigmatically and changing the subject very obviously. Well, that's what I would aim to do, but in reality I'd be so thrown and angry at being cornered that I'd probably be rather rude, not swearing, just rude and the new so-called friends would not have spoken to me again. :rotfl:

You could always look over your shoulder and then whisper about being on the run from the !!!!! or similar. That should scare one or two nosy bu66ers off! :rotfl:

I don't have kids, but a similar thing happened to me on a holiday once where it was clear that nosier members of the group wanted the ins and outs of why others were single. When it came to my turn, I simply announced VERY loudly that I'm not defined by my divorce, and what business was it of theirs anyway?

They never spoke to me again :T so a result.

People, eh? The trouble is that with a young daughter going into her teens shortly, she may become more and more sensitive to these nosy and ignorant people. Pig ignorant of them, I say.

So...em...mum2one....just between you and me....what is the story...?

:eek: Ouch, I'm joking! You can hit really well for someone with 3rd degree sunburn! :eek:

:rotfl:

Charis

mum2one wrote: »

Can I rack your brains, - it was something that I encountered more on this holiday, I'm a single parent DD is 11 - never seen her dad,


Why people pry further, after the initial its just the two of us, they dont stop there, it bugs me...

Rant over - just wondered how to be polite without sounding rude xx

If someone else brings it up, say 'We're not together any more' and if they probe, say 'It's in the past and a subject I prefer not to discuss'. If they still bang on, ask them why they need to know. They won't know how to answer that and will make an excuse, maybe 'I was only asking', 'I was just wondering' etc., which makes it their move next and they'd have to be pretty thick to ask the same question.If they do, just do the stuck record thing, 'I prefer not to discuss it'. It really is no one else's business, except for people you choose to share it with.

When I was a newly-single mum and felt that some neighbours were being aggressive towards me another singlie told me that people do seem to target single mothers, with no idea of why you are on your own. They know there's no tough bloke to defend you. By the time I'd remarried and been widowed, still with one young child, I'd developed a tough enough skin to give as good as I got, yet somehow I never needed to. It's as if we give off a signal, as you say. Give off a 'mysterious' signal and it drives them mad. :rotfl:

BookWorm

Evening all.

I need to remember some of these tips when I get asked about being single which sadly seems to be more and more often the older I get. :mad: In my head I am always very composed and imagine I can shrug the [STRIKE]interragation[/STRIKE] questions off. However in reality I get flustered and don't know how best to respond End result is that I end up stressing about it for ages afterwards

On another note - Monday is done - only 4 more days to get through at the hell hole lol :cool:

moneyistooshorttomention

Would the other possible approach be to say "This is why I am a single parent - <give the reason>" right at the outset?, ie he died/divorced me/changed his mind about having decided to be a parent after the event/etc. That way the question has been answered straight off and then conversation can go straight onto other topics.

Just my thoughts.

I'll say here at this point that I instantly wonder what the circumstances are personally, but keep my mouth shut and don't say anything at all and just hope I will be reassured with "Yes...we both decided to have a child together and everything was hunky-dory etc and then........<fill in the gap> happened subsequently after the event".

Just give them the benefit of the doubt that they have best intentions/wishes in mind and are hoping that that is how things were...

Hope that comes over as I mean it to sound iyswim..

If someone is half of a married couple and the child is born a couple of years or more after the marriage, then everyone assumes "They both decided to have a child and here it is...". So, give it benefit of the doubt that people are well-intentioned, but don't know what to think when they can see that there isn't those circumstances there.

Most of us will say nowt (like me...ie just hope we will be told, but say nothing if we aren't), but others will be curious as to what the circumstances are. It is out of a sense of concern basically one way or another and not "sticking beak in" or being aggressive iyswim.

moneyistooshorttomention

BookWorm wrote: »

Evening all.

I need to remember some of these tips when I get asked about being single which sadly seems to be more and more often the older I get. :mad: In my head I am always very composed and imagine I can shrug the [STRIKE]interragation[/STRIKE] questions off. However in reality I get flustered and don't know how best to respond :cool:

Now that is personal choice. As I tell people "If you haven't met him (or her) then you haven't met him...end of". That does get accepted the vast majority of the time. Most people do realise that its basically down to "luck of the draw" whether you meet Him (or Her) and sometimes luck is in your favour and sometimes it isn't.

Those questions stop as you get older. Take it from me. In fact, a quick comment to effect of "But you're past it now...":( comment came out from recent male acquaintance when I made a jokey comment about having (or otherwise...) a sex life. My response was a jokey one back to effect of "You never know..life in the old dog yet..." one.

Honestly, there comes an age where many people just wont envision you with A Significant Other any more....

greenbee

None of anyone's business whether or why you are single, but people are generally curious. I generally just say that things didn't work out. Although if people are really obnoxious I tell them that I buried the last one under the patio

Byatt

I've just lost a long ranty post :mad:

so to cut it short, why would anyone give a damn about my "status" and why should I give an explanation of it, whilst on holiday, to satisfy their curiosity. It doesn't take much empathy to realise, if someone is not talking about it, then there is in all likelihood a very good reason, and the reason doesn't have to be discussed and dissected in an effort to come to the conclusion that the person is a good or not a good parent in the eyes of the asker! Because basically, what people are doing is criticising your parenting (in this case), by suggesting that you obviously have no idea what damage you are doing to your child by not having the other parent around. Of course it's bloody sad, don't people think we don;t know that?! But what's sadder is sharing a holiday or worse, letting your child go on holiday with the parent who is a psycho, violent, abusive and cruel (as in my case)...

I don't want to be thinking of, discussing or sharing any head space talking about my DD's father on holiday. :mad:

Mum2one, I would lean over, touch their arm lightly, smile and say, "if I told you, then I would have to kill you..." Then laugh, get up and walk away...:cool:

Another point, why should you give complete strangers', details about your child's life?? The child has rights too, I know I would have been mortified if every Tom, !!!!!! and Harry knew things about her father and my DD had no say over whether they should.

Ok, off my soap box.

BookWorm

greenbee wrote: »

Although if people are really obnoxious I tell them that I buried the last one under the patio

:rotfl: love that one Greenbee