OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

moneyistooshorttomention

Try this one LB:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8410qUT4QtA

LavenderBees

:rotfl:

Very good! Thank you! and thank you for the much needed hug, too, BW.

2 hrs to do one letter, 2 forms, and an email....this may be going to take some time. I think I'll have a break and walk to lottie to collect some eggs to cheer myself up .

Charis

wherenext wrote: »

I am female, 63, single, no family apart from grown up children who live abroad. I am in reasonably good health, fit and have most of my faculties intact. I am a fairly self-contained person and keep myself to myself and am happy with that. I do lack confidence.

I do like living in a city environment - just not all on my own.

I'm the same age as you, wherenext, and recently had a similar dilemma. My youngest left home and I was left feeling stranded. I told one of my friends that I wanted to move and wasn't sure where and she said 'why not stay until you see somewhere you like more?' Realising that I would miss my friends, I've ended up renovating my home and will stay here as long as I am able.

Retirement apartments are notoriously expensive for what they are, the cheaper ones can be very 'compact', and sometimes the design and placement does not consider your need for natural light. Bathroom with no windows, just an air vent - fine until a power cut when you're in the bath or toilet. Living rooms that face north and are always darker than on the other side of the building, etc. There's a world of difference between a retirement apartment at the top end of the £scale and a flat in sheltered accommodation; either of which we might feel we need at some time. This Age UK sheet might give some helpful info.

As you like the flat you are in, if you are settled and feel secure there, you might find that you would be happier if you just had a few like-minded friends living nearby. I'm not a joiner of organisations (don't like people imposing their personal tastes and habits on me and have never run with the herd) but I joined a Creative Writing class in 2005, at a college in the next town (this one has no adult ed). I made a really good friend (now my closest friend) and after two years at that college I signed up for the OU and made four more friends, all interested in writing. Best thing I ever did. The writing was therapeutic, cathartic even, and I made five more friends of various ages, all individualists, with whom I am still share my writing and who are good friends. Without setting out to I have hand picked my friends, who all live within an hour's drive and we meet up socially about once a month, with no pressure if we have other engagements. They boost my wobbly confidence (as I do theirs, sometimes). Do you have a hobby or an interest that you might like to develop? I've found that one thing leads to another and I now often attempt things I would not have attempted previously. It gives me a buzz when I succeed.

Byatt

LB, hugs,

Charis, lots of good points. I am not a joiner-inner for clubs just for the sake of it, but have found friends through my pet sitting, my social life is still quite dire, but not as bad as it once was. My New Year plans have generally fallen by the wayside.

Wherenext, my mother hated the idea of sheltered housing and when my father died, moved within 6 months to a flat with stairs! :eek: She was 72, and in no time at all, found her health failing miserably and the stairs were a disaster, but she didn't want to be lumped with the "old people". I couldn't understand that attitude at the time, but do now...I am only 60 but appreciate things can change in an instant, so not sure what I would do. As I rent, I guess the powers that be will haul me off to a place to be looked after as needed, I'm hoping that doesn't happen any time soon. I could manage to live downstairs as the bathroom is downstairs. What I'm trying to say is that everyone is different, plus feelings change over the years. I wouldn't move to a place where I didn't have friends (LB goes into hiding...:rotfl:)...now, as I have built up a support network...well I think I have. :cool: I'm also in walking distance of shops, the doctor etc if I didn't have a car. I also strongly feel you have to feel happy where you are, and sometimes that takes effort, I know it has for me, I was determined to be miserable for 2 years as I hated it here, and then realised the change had to come from me, so I made this place a home even though for a while I was still hankering to leave.

On another subject, I went to my DD's this weekend, for a boost her self esteem effort...the house was/is a tip...and I mean that in the literal sense. Discarded items thrown on the floor and in corners instead of in the bin :eek::eek: at one stage I was afraid of what I'd find! Two large bin liners full to the CS, 3 large bin liners to the recycling centre, refilling the land fill bin ( a huge grey thing) after filling it the night before and then it getting emptied, and several filled bin liners of recycling (milk bottles/cans) still waiting. And still more to be done. I usually do a deep clean annually, but this was the worst yet.

Plus damage from the gf, smashed windows, broken locks, even a knife was broken (how does that happen??)...

this was me :eek: most of yesterday. I decided not to stay longer as it was exhausting for both of us and I could hear the "edge" in my voice as I found more things in piles...

so I've had a lazy day today and lovely My-Boy cat has been very loving, he's also just started to use his new climbing toy albeit with some trepidition, but I was beginning to give up hope.

The weather is awful, my washed curtians have blown off the line into next doors garden, it's rain, rain, rain...

just had a bacon sarnie though, so all's well with the world. :T

edit: just wanted to add that I have huge respect and admiration for "older people" who join in, get out and about and overcome health obstacles to do so, travelling, meeting new people, having fun...it's just not for me the group thing sadly, wish it was in some ways.

moneyistooshorttomention

In some ways its easier to make new friends when you're in a new area I think, as everyone knows you won't already have a "Full Up" sign up and not be open to new friendships. I find that it helps if you can find other people that are also "new to area" and then you can go out exploring together and compare notes on your findings.

Wherever you are though, be it "old" or "new" area then I think the thing is that you can sit there and think "That's that then" and feeling too scared to get out and make some new friends. However, I take the view that none of us knows how long "we've got left" and it could be 2 months, 2 years or 20 years and I wouldn't want personally to sit there feeling on my own even for 2 years.

Best to get out there and see who is a decent person and open to new friendships. There will be some people who aren't nice, others who are okay but make it clear they have a "Full up and not open to anyone new" sign up, others will try and say "This is how things are and YOU will adapt to US like it or lump it" (or to be more accurate, then adapt to them personally:cool:)
....but then there's the others. Those who are reasonable people/open to offers from potential new friends and might as well give it a go and they may even turn into a "new best friend" indeed. This applies wherever you are living.

So, overall, wherenext, I would tend to veer towards "Adapt in place" in your situation, as you do like that flat you have and try and find some new interests that might lead to new friends.

Byatt

http://blog.theanimalrescuesite.com/kitten-plays-the-invisible-harp/?utm_source=social&utm_medium=amc&utm_campaign=kitten-plays-the-invisible-harp&utm_term=20140426

Byatt

nearly forgot, I had my hair cut on Friday, the first time in almost 2 years!

LavenderBees

Byatt wrote: »

http://blog.theanimalrescuesite.com/kitten-plays-the-invisible-harp/?utm_source=social&utm_medium=amc&utm_campaign=kitten-plays-the-invisible-harp&utm_term=20140426

Ooooohhhh....now I feel all content and centred again. How lovely!:heart2::smileyhea:heart2:

mum2one

LavenderBees wrote: »

Where's the bloomin sun gone?


LB xx

Hate to say but I had the sun in Goa... both DD and myself got sunburn and we had factor 50 on... x

LavenderBees

mum2one wrote: »

Hate to say but I had the sun in Goa... both DD and myself got sunburn and we had factor 50 on... x

Hope you had a lovely time. I wondered who had stolen the sun. It was you! Can we have it back now, please? No questions asked, just leave it somewhere near my lottie.

:rotfl: