OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

Byatt

The job that eventually finished me off was a customer facing (is that the new way of describing it??) role...I now work all hours, and at my age am feeling the strain. Anyone been in a field at midnight calling for a cat named Jesus on Christmas day? Or tramping across 2 fields in snow with a heavy bucket to feed and water badgers?

Spirit, hi, yesterday my DD called in tears again, wanting gf to leave, no violence but a controlling, argumentative woman and DD has had enough. I was again surprised as the night before all seemed well. :cool:

I'm so exhausted emotionally I could cry, except I don't cry...

Oh goodness, Spirit, just seen your next post. I think I've learned, if nothing else, to keep quiet about my DD and her relationships but ay the same time keep a watch. I agree about not letting him stay, nothing is really known about him. Is there any way to check he's not married or in a relationship "up north"?

moneyistooshorttomention

My thoughts on this relationship fwiw Spirit. I expect many of us have had long-distance relationships and I doubt that many of them last.

I've had two long-distance relationships myself before now and neither lasted very long. There were other elements involved besides the distance (ie both of them were from a rather different culture to my own). In fact it was a culture that treats women rather worse than my own. So that was part of the reason why it finished, as daylight on that little matter percolated through gradually. I was "in lurve" with one of the men and he was with me, but I still had the sense to see it wouldn't work and I finished with him and doing so was one of the better decisions of my life.

In your daughters case, I wouldn't say 14 years is that huge an age difference, but the age difference and distance combined make this relationship look like it may not last anyway.

Maybe she wasn't getting enough attention from her fianc! and this man has been providing that? Maybe she realised her fianc! and her aren't the same type of people? Perhaps this situation may yet work out well. Maybe your daughter would have stayed with a fianc! she wasn't really suited to if this older man hadn't shown up, this relationship will serve its purpose as a "bridge" and she will come out the other side okay and find someone nearer her age and location after it?

This older man could be a blessing in disguise to help that process.

EDIT: There is a very easy way to check if he is married or living together. Try the electoral register.

Byatt

My long distance relationship was with my ex, :eek:

I agree that 14 years is not so bad, now...

I think just watch from the sidelines, MTSTM's has a very good point about it being a "bridge" relationship...

spirit

Byatt wrote: »

The job that eventually finished me off was a customer facing (is that the new way of describing it??) role...I now work all hours, and at my age am feeling the strain. Anyone been in a field at midnight calling for a cat named Jesus on Christmas day? Or tramping across 2 fields in snow with a heavy bucket to feed and water badgers?

Spirit, hi, yesterday my DD called in tears again, wanting gf to leave, no violence but a controlling, argumentative woman and DD has had enough. I was again surprised as the night before all seemed well. :cool:

I'm so exhausted emotionally I could cry, except I don't cry...

Oh goodness, Spirit, just seen your next post. I think I've learned, if nothing else, to keep quiet about my DD and her relationships but ay the same time keep a watch. I agree about not letting him stay, nothing is really known about him. Is there any way to check he's not married or in a relationship "up north"?

i think you're right byatt, if you try to tell your DD to leave her partner, she wouldn't listen anyway. Hard though it may be i think that you and I have to leave them to make their own mistakes. A friend of mine says she feels like (her) job as a mother of 2 adult DDs is just to say nowt but be there to pick up the pieces.

re the new BF, i've faceache'd stalked him. there are a couple of 'girls' with the same surname as him. Don't know if they are sisters or daughters. will ask DD tonight. since she's evidently stayed at his house before this last weekend, it's probably safe to say he isn't married.

spirit

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

My thoughts on this relationship fwiw Spirit. I expect many of us have had long-distance relationships and I doubt that many of them last.

I've had two long-distance relationships myself before now and neither lasted very long. There were other elements involved besides the distance (ie both of them were from a rather different culture to my own). In fact it was a culture that treats women rather worse than my own. So that was part of the reason why it finished, as daylight on that little matter percolated through gradually. I was "in lurve" with one of the men and he was with me, but I still had the sense to see it wouldn't work and I finished with him and doing so was one of the better decisions of my life.

In your daughters case, I wouldn't say 14 years is that huge an age difference, but the age difference and distance combined make this relationship look like it may not last anyway.

Maybe she wasn't getting enough attention from her fianc! and this man has been providing that? Maybe she realised her fianc! and her aren't the same type of people? Perhaps this situation may yet work out well. Maybe your daughter would have stayed with a fianc! she wasn't really suited to if this older man hadn't shown up, this relationship will serve its purpose as a "bridge" and she will come out the other side okay and find someone nearer her age and location after it?

This older man could be a blessing in disguise to help that process.

EDIT: There is a very easy way to check if he is married or living together. Try the electoral register.

I hadn't considered the BIB before, thanks MITSTM, I think you may have hit the nail on the head there.

Byatt

Spirit, my DD's gf left yesterday, not sure if that will last as DD just on the phone to me crying that she really hurts.

I can't go to hers yet as I have an overnight stay at pet sitting gig, but will go up Friday (it's only 25 miles but on country roads so takes longer) and spend the night, plans to sort out her flat on the cards.

I'm a faceache stalker too...:o it's amazing what you can find out.

I'm feeling really nauseous and achy so not sure if it's the lurgy that's going around or just stress.

spirit

Byatt wrote: »

Spirit, my DD's gf left yesterday, not sure if that will last as DD just on the phone to me crying that she really hurts.

I can't go to hers yet as I have an overnight stay at pet sitting gig, but will go up Friday (it's only 25 miles but on country roads so takes longer) and spend the night, plans to sort out her flat on the cards.

I'm a faceache stalker too...:o it's amazing what you can find out.

I'm feeling really nauseous and achy so not sure if it's the lurgy that's going around or just stress.

could well be stress IMHO Byatt, sending you hugs. Look after yourself.

calicocat

Oh lord Byatt......it's all starting to unfold again for DD. long term this could well be a good thing if the gf was liable to be violent again, but in the short term you get the upset daughter. I hope thing sort themselves out and she feels a bit better soon......and that it isn't one of those relationships that keeps doing this for ages before it finally ends....as that is very draining for everyone as I think more than a few of us may know on here.


Spirit....i wouldn't worry about the age difference at all, i'd be more sceptical about the distance as that can be a hard one. if it's meant to fizzle out it will do, and as someone else said, it could just be something she needs to do for now. I don't think 14 years is horrific, but it depends on the people involved granted.

Weirdly though it puts me off the age difference the other way round?????




SO...went to ikea...had to just throw self out of bed, shove clothes on, brush teeth and hair and literally go out the door. If i'd sat down I would have found other things to potter with. Got all the way there to find that apart from one bit I wanted it was all sold out!!!......Grrrrrrhhhhh. Not available until May now....so will have to go all the way back again.

So have built the unit and waiting for mate to come put door on (took one look at instructions for door bit and my brain exploded with confusion and boredom)...he is coming later with bribe of takeaway pizza for tea.

Have sent kiss kiss sparky a text to remind him he is meant to be doing bell tomorrow....no reply as yet........Hmmmm......we'll see what happens with that, he's got the parts so he says.



Edit.....sparky has answered but now thinks I am totally bonkers. the message I sent was like one of those PPI ones you get saying pay attention.....lol.


So, he now thinks i'm crackers but is turning up tomorrow...reportedly. I have also mentioned text was a test to his attention skills and that I did it on purpose...lol.

LavenderBees

:jI'm :jBack! :j

Had a lovely weekend with my friend - very varied - theatre, Nat Trust, fab garden centre, eating and a wee bit of drinking. 'Twas lovely, but am glad to be home . Found myself in 1st class on one train this morning, so very gladly partook of a complimentary full English brekkie. This never ever ever happens to me, so, of course, I spent the whole journey expecting someone to "out" me as a standard class customer :rotfl:.

Managed to drown my phone while I was away, but strangely for me, had taken out insurance, so I have a new phone...shame I don't know anyone's numbers :rotfl:

Have caught up on the thread, and am sad to see the sad problems some of you are needing to handle. My own belief is that you do need to step back and let your adult children make their own mistakes and resolve things themselves. Hard though that will be. Simply be there with a hug and chocolate ready when the crash comes, but essentially, I don't honestly think that any adult child will thank you if you try to intervene.

Work tomorrow - I want to be at home with my boys (slightly traumatised ybc) and girls (8 eggs in 4 days, so they are both laying now :T, and getting cheekier by the day! )...anyone want scrambled eggs in the morning?

Sweet dreams, all.

LB xx

LavenderBees

calicocat wrote: »

.....thinks I am totally bonkers.

No.....! As if.....!

Where's the rolling eyes smiley?

:rotfl: