OS Singlies - We Do It Our Way!

MummyBobble

Grousescot Some good advice there already. You're not "breaking in", I'm sure everyone who posts on here welcomes and supports us all (and we do seem to get a tad giddy from time to time, which has to be a good thing ). We're all dealing with different things (my therapist - get me, I feel all American!) says that it's not what the "size" of the problem is, it's the effect it has on you that's important,

I also struggle with stopping things spilling over from one part of my life to another and do more than my share of staring into space and dozing instead of doing (which then makes me feel bad about what I haven't done). I think having brought up DD and DS as single parent I often feel overwhelmed, and as a result used to do too much to try to compensate. Now I've gone to the other extreme and last week wrote on the bathroom wall, (with a permanent marker :eek:) that I am not the only person allowed to put things in the bin.

Suppose I'm becoming even more of a singlie as DD and DS get older (16 and 13 now), and once being the "bank of mum" and "taxi driver" are coming to an end I'll have more time for myself. For now though supporting them and giving them the best I can is all that matters. So far I have two amazing children that I couldn't be more proud of. Let's hope it stays that way!

I think we should all follow LB and have chickens (I call Ninja and Princess cat "chicken" which has lead to DS accusing me of causing an identity crisis :rotfl:).

Off for hot cross buns (which makes me have to sing...) :easter:

Byatt

Grousescot, of course you should post, RPP is spot on, and Mummybobble (who's reply I've just seen).

I've always been a worrier and being very conscientious, as you appear to be, adds another layer of stress and worry. Even at 60 I worry and my pet sitting job is sometimes fraught because I do worry too much! I also took my job home, but I think if you have someone to talk over it at the end of the day, it often difuses the situation, but when you're a singlie, that doesn't happen, so please do come here and have a chat...just writing it down often helps me.

As for being motivated with housework etc, I need a reason to clean as doing it just for myself rarely motivates, except for a rare occasion right now, when I'm in the mood (partly to distract me) to clean and tidy. I've been here 4 years, and until a couple of years ago I was living in chaos. It's still somewhat chaotic, you should see my kitchen right now :eek:

My one bit of advice however that works for me, is to think I will tidy/clean for 5 or 10 or 15 mins, because one bit of tidiness is better than nothing. Very often of course I go on to do longer, but if I don't I feel that in 5 mins I've at least moved something upstairs or put the papers in the recycling box.

It looks a beautiful day outside, although last night was very cold...I'm having a lazy day, as no pet sitting till tomorrow...

Oh Mummybobble, I'm not sure "bank of mum" and taxi service ever come to an end, in my case it doesn't appear to be...:rotfl::eek:

LavenderBees

GrousescotThe best bit of advice I'd add to all the above excellent posts are - develop a life outside of work that is involving, enjoyable, sociable (where wanted). Until you do that, work will always play a far larger role in life than it should.

If you have somewhere to dash to on the odd evening, or someone to meet on a weekend, then you really do put work worries where they should be...on the back burner until you're back there. None of us, I'm guessing but probably pretty accurately , get paid enough to spend our spare time worrying, so try not to!

It doesn't always work, but, for me, it works more times now than it used to.

On a sadder note, but it is true, I have to say that losing my parents so quickly, and the family cr4p that has brought with it, has put things like a mere job and the cr4p that goes with that, well into perspective. Long gone are my days of hoping for job satisfaction. It pays my bills...I even sometimes have very pleasant days there. More often than not, I climb the walls with boredom, and tear my hair out at illogical senior management decisions or lack of decisions, but lately, I've come home and forgotten it all.

Deffo get chickens :rotfl:...I find them a great de-stressor. I can spend quite a lot of time pottering with them, watching their busy little lives. I'm already starting to recognise their different chunterings on...am not quite fluent in chicken lingo but getting there :rotfl:

Seriously, though, I think we all need to find what "does it for us" outside of work...housework clearly doesn't (and why would it?), so have a think about what does.

Oh...hope your eyes are recovering well :T

Hope you're all having a fantastic day in this fabulous spring weather. I've been at lottie all day, and now need to persuade the cats into their carrying baskets to go to the cattery ...hmmmm....they're not going to be impressed...but I'm away to a friends for the rest of the weekend tomorrow, so cattery it is, and the youngster in the village will be keeping an eye on "the girls" for me... I'm feeling bereft already at the lack of pets around me.

Enjoy your weekends...I luvs bank holidays...any chance of some more Mr Cameron??

:rotfl:

LB xx

JustKeepSwimming_2

Grousescot - as usual I'm late to the party, & haven't any other advice to give you about work as others have said what I'd have said. I do echo the comments about trying to switch off as soon as you leave though. I find putting on my PJs as early as I can helps :rotfl:. Hope your healing OK.

MummyBobble wrote: »

I think having brought up DD and DS as single parent I often feel overwhelmed, and as a result used to do too much to try to compensate. Now I've gone to the other extreme and last week wrote on the bathroom wall, (with a permanent marker :eek:) that I am not the only person allowed to put things in the bin.

Oh my - do I hear you about bins... why drop something on the floor near the bin? Why not just put it in there in the first place? Aargh.

Suppose I'm becoming even more of a singlie as DD and DS get older (16 and 13 now), and once being the "bank of mum" and "taxi driver" are coming to an end I'll have more time for myself. For now though supporting them and giving them the best I can is all that matters. So far I have two amazing children that I couldn't be more proud of. Let's hope it stays that way!

I'm a few years behind you with kids being more independent (& sometimes I despair that they'll ever learn to do certain things ), but it does make me wonder what life will be like once they've flown the nest. Hopefully our homes will be tidier (ahem), we'll sleep better, & we'll finally accumulate some savings :rotfl:

Byatt wrote: »

My one bit of advice however that works for me, is to think I will tidy/clean for 5 or 10 or 15 mins, because one bit of tidiness is better than nothing. Very often of course I go on to do longer, but if I don't I feel that in 5 mins I've at least moved something upstairs or put the papers in the recycling box.

Yep this 15 minute session idea works for me (when I can be bothered of course :rotfl:). When it works I'm always amazed at how much I can actually do in 15 minutes.

LavenderBees wrote: »

Deffo get chickens :rotfl:...I find them a great de-stressor. I can spend quite a lot of time pottering with them, watching their busy little lives. I'm already starting to recognise their different chunterings on...am not quite fluent in chicken lingo but getting there :rotfl:

My friend's ultra stressed husband claims to have had his sanity saved by getting chickens a few years ago (& my friend no longer jokes about divorce in a strange voice). Amazing to see the change in him.

I love it when the cat-that-isn't-mine appears for a cuddle & a chat. I'm far happier seeing his face at the door than I ever was seeing my ex-husbands. Maybe that's why I'm a singlie.....

I can't believe how quickly these holidays are flying by - hope all are enjoying the time off & weather.

walkers60

Hi fellow singlies

I'm another one who de-stresses by keeping chickens. My chooks are great time wasters and I have put a garden seat near their run and when the weather allows I sit and have breakfast there or a cuppa. It is quite secluded in that spot and it takes my mind off things that may be troubling me. Another relaxing hobby for me is to get in my garden and plant seeds or cuttings and tend the veggie patch.

I've retired now, but I'm as busy as ever as I look after my grandchildren for part of the week. This works in really well with the gardening and dancing..... oh yes, another de-stresser for me is line-dancing - not for everyone I know - but certainly helps me!

Take care everyone

Walkers

calicocat

MummyBobble wrote: »

Now I've gone to the other extreme and last week wrote on the bathroom wall, (with a permanent marker :eek:) that I am not the only person allowed to put things in the bin.

:easter:

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :T.................i love this......:D....and good for you.

years ago i went on strike and refused to wash dishes, then when they all ran out..refused to cook. It lasted 3 months in total , and in the end the ex and i were going to seperate takeaways for our own tea..................:D...........in the end , i won.



no-one here should feel a a subject isnt valid.....it's whatever crops up for any singlie.

Well i'm back at work for the easter hols:(........not on my ward and i'm loving the change....might see if there is a way i can make it possibly a permenant change in the not so distant future...i will be getting up on sunday afternoon and wizzing to friends to have wine and roast lamb.....for breakfast escentially.


i must admit i think having chickens would be great...and can see that they would certainly destress.

anyhow, gotta go folks back to the grind....enjoy your easter everyone.:beer:

grousescot

Thank you all for your words of advice.

MITSTM - a lot of what you said resonated very much with me. I'm careful not to be too specific when talking about work matters online but suffice it to say it's flexitime, office-based, sitting-at-a-computer-all-day work. I can think of a great many ways in which it could be a lot worse and the job-security and pension arrangements are what I try to focus on when I have a bad day. At this point I'm roughly equidistant from my birth and my likely retirement age so it will be a long time until I can collect on that. Recently my brother asked me what my ideal job would be and I honestly didn't have an answer (even a frivolous one of the astronaut/brain surgeon variety). It took such a long time to get this job (I was unemployed for nearly a year after university) and it allows me to jog along with my modest demands so I don't really expect it to do much more than maintain me.

Interpersonal skills are a weak point for me so I have somehow bumbled through thus far but it becomes apparent when I have a difficult exchange with someone. This hasn't happened very often thankfully but wow does it blindside me when it does. I've resolved that, as difficult as this will be for me, next time I feel I've been spoken to disrespectfully I will point this out straightaway.

Byatt yes, having someone here I could moan to about things would be nice. Wouldn't necessarily solve anything but it would certainly make me feel better. I go round to see my parents most Sundays and have told them my worries but I don't like to do that too much as it means they worry too!

I've got a couple of commitments outside of work. A speaking club I go to (mostly retired people attend but they're a welcoming lot and seem to be glad to welcome in a 'young 'un') and I provide service music for a local church each weekend. It's as well I've got the latter to get myself organised for as otherwise I think I'd just doss in my PJs from Friday night until Sunday. I sometimes meet up with an acquaintance for coffee at weekends too which is good as it means I have to get myself up early.

I guess I have to make a conscious effort to do something when I get home and focus on it to the exclusion of all work worries. I haven't got chickens (not really practical in a 2nd floor flat with no garden area!) but I did buy the first half dozen eggs I've bought for years so perhaps that counts? :rotfl: Eggs in their "natural" form like boiled or scrambled unfortunately turn my stomach but when cooked in things are OK so I thought I'd try to broaden my cooking repertoire a bit. My attempt at Toad in the Hole I'd say rated an A for effort in that the bits that were edible and not burnt were quite nice.

Oh, and my eye is recovering well, thank you for asking. Simply being able to wake up each morning and see properly straightaway (that is, as properly as I've ever been able to see) instead of fumbling about in a fog is still a novelty. Another check-up is due next week.

LavenderBees

grousescot wrote: »

Interpersonal skills are a weak point for me so I have somehow bumbled through thus far but it becomes apparent when I have a difficult exchange with someone. This hasn't happened very often thankfully but wow does it blindside me when it does. I've resolved that, as difficult as this will be for me, next time I feel I've been spoken to disrespectfully I will point this out straightaway.

I think you'll find you're far from being alone in feeling blindsided when a colleague is less than professional....it shocks me and knocks me for six for ages when it happens, too.

PEOPLE, eh? :eek:

Well, I'd better get ready and go for my train. Am very lost without my cat-cuddles first thing (middle thing and last thing, too ), and am wandering around like a little lost wandery thing

Enjoy your weekends, whatever you end up doing.

LB xx

moneyistooshorttomention

Grousescot,

That sounds a constructive thought to "broaden your repertoire" of what you can cook.

I set myself little "projects" on cooking. I like nice food and that is rather an incentive.

One thing I have noticed is that there are people who "cook their way" out of depression in fact. There was some well-known woman baker who gets baking (ie cakes and the like). Another woman (don't know why she did it) made a project of working her way through all the recipes by one particular cookbook author (was it "Jules and Juliet"??). The names are something like that and I think there might have been a book and a film in the end about her project.

One of my little projects on that is to try and make sure that there isn't a single food available within my remits of what I will eat that I haven't tried/decided what I think of it/found at least a couple of ways to cook it if I've decided I like it. It's the "No posh restaurant is going to floor me with lack of knowledge thing" and I want to instantly be able to scan menus of even pretty posh restaurants and know instantly what I think of every single food item they mention. I cant afford posh restaurants (I wish.....), but I can buy their basic ingredients (if only once in a while ..if they are expensive) and cook up something myself with them. Call it the would-be Food Sophisticate Syndrome...yep...apple balsamic vinegar is nice...LOL. Must be making a bit of headway with that, as its far from unusual for friends to ask me to tell them what some "newer" food is like.

To me, I had to teach myself to cook in the first place many years ago now and with a variety of cookbooks in hand then that's what I did.

The way I look at it is its astonishing just how much impact our "creature comforts" or lack of can have on our moods. It seems very odd to me that this is the case in some ways, but I know from my own experience this is indeed the case. The world feels noticeably brighter with a good meal in my stomach and some nice sunshine outside the house for some reason.

calicocat

When it comes to work stress I can't really comment on a forum about it....as if I started I may not stop, and discussing anything in depth is a big no-no.....but you are certainly not alone, and good luck finding your feet about the best way to deal with it...it can be hard.

Have good trip LB...who's eating the eggs when you are away....i may wizz up and pinch them...lol.


Off to sleep...hopefully no easter egg hunts today with what sounds like 2 million small people screaming and shouting.