How to say "No" to being a Bridesmaid, without ruining a friendship?

Rev

A few of my friends have been with people I didn't like. I told them point blank I didn't like the person for whatever reason. They have done the same with people I've been with. That's what friends are for. To be honest. It never stopped any relationships. I don't need to like my friends OH. I'm not the one in a relationship with them. When in that situation (be it not liking a friends OH or them not liking mine) you be polite and respectful so as not to put your friend in an awkward position.

What I do need to do is support my friends in their decisions. Wether I agree with them or not. Again, that's what friends do.

Your friend has chosen to get married. Your opinion on it working or not is irrelevant. You could think they'll be together forever. Your opinion has no baring on what will happen in their future.

We're you my friend I'd absolutely understand you not liking my OH and thinking it won't work out. That's your prerogative. I would however be very unhappy that you were unable to get over your own issue and support me when I was asking you too. That for me would make me question how much of a friend you actually were.

My best friend is getting married this year. I don't believe in marriage at all. But she obviously does and I'm more than happy to support her and be happy for her and her OH. I'm planning a hen night too. Because that's what friends do.

jetplane

You don't have to have faith in the marriage to be a witness, you don't have to like the groom, you don't even need to know the couple.

Your friend clearly holds you in high regard to ask you to be her bridesmaid and witness and she has chosen you to be her support during an important life event. Can you really not support her unconditionally and also if needs be do the same if the marriage doesn't last?

I thought that's what friends do, is there any other reason that you do not want to be bridesmaid? I suspect we've all attended a wedding at some point where it was clear to everyone that it wasn't going to last but we all wished them well.

DaveTheMus

Tiglath wrote: »

I refused to go to either wedding, and both marriages broke down after a couple of years.

If you count your friends wedding that you're not going to but will ultimately fail that will be 3 refusals....3 divorces

wow

you're a marriage assassin!

Macca83_2

Obviously your friend doesn't mean that much to you. She loves and values you enough to give you an important role in her wedding and you're turning it down because you don't like her man. She believes in her wedding even if you don't. if you were a true friend you'd be there to support her.

Richard53

I'm only a mere bloke and I don't really get the big wedding thing, but I think you are looking at this through the wrong end of the telescope. If your friend has asked you to be a bridesmaid, it's because she values you enough to want your support on the day. It's not like being a godparent, where you need to share the religious faith in order to do your job with sincerity. You don't have to believe anything to be a bridesmaid, just your presence is enough. She has asked you to be there because she wants good mates around her. Accept the invitation, bite your lip, and get on with supporting your friend. And if the relationship fails, be there to support her again. And never say 'I told you so'.

It's what friends are for.

Ronaldo_Mconaldo

What a tool. Just go and be there as a bridesmaid, have a nice time and drink loads of booze. You don't have to analyse whether you think this pair will still be together when they're 90.

fluffnutter

Sorry OP but you sound a bit pious. Her life, her choice. Snubbing her because you doubt their union is not a very kind thing to do at all. And what's it to you if it doesn't work out anyway? Take a step back. It really isn't up to wedding guests to pass comment on the likely longevity of a marriage or not - incredibly self-righteous behaviour IMO.

fluffnutter

I was at a wedding a few years back. Sat down next to my friend, took a look at the order of service and said 'How long do you think this will last?'. 'About a year, I reckon', was his response. 'I meant the service'. But at least we went

bluebeary

is it you dont want to attend the wedding at all or just not be a bridesmaid ?

maybe decline being a bridesmaid because you dont feel comfortable standing for a certain amount of time or you dont really want the attention of being a bridesmaid and would rather just be a guest sitting amongst all the other guests ?

seven-day-weekend

I understand absolutely where the OP is coming from and can understand her dilemma.

However it is difficult to get out of it and maintain the friendship without lying to her friend.

I would go, be her bridesmaid and support her. You could even say that you are not sure she is doing the right thing, but will be there for her regardless. If you are right and the marriage does break down, she will need a good friend. It's not worth jeopardising the relationship for, imho.