How to say "No" to being a Bridesmaid, without ruining a friendship?

paulineb_2

Sometimes one person in that couple does something that makes people lose their faith that the marriage will last, but you still support the person you care for.

One of my friends was with her bf for six years and it fell apart spectacularly six months before the wedding, sometimes the person going through with it knows deep down it won't last either, they are just hoping that it will.

Spendless

WantToBeSE wrote: »

Maybe you are all right..i just always thought that you had a to have faith in the marriage you were witnessing?

Or is that not the done thing?

You are meant to speak up if you know of a reason why they can't be legally wed, so if you know that they are closely related eg brother/sister or that one of them is still married and intend speaking up about it one their wedding day, it will probably be even more difficult situation if this was announced from their bridesmaid.

I don't think, you're talking about that sort of situation though, just your belief that it won't work out.

mountainofdebt

WantToBeSE wrote: »

I have just erased a long explaination of why i dont think they are marrying for the 'right' reasons, but really it's not my place to say what is right or wrong.

but you are by not wanting to be bridesmaid.

If YOU felt it would last you'd wouldn't have posted the OP

sharnad

WantToBeSE wrote: »

Maybe you are all right..i just always thought that you had a to have faith in the marriage you were witnessing?

Or is that not the done thing?

You don't have to have faith in a marriage to attend a wedding, you go too support your friend and show her you are happy for her

emweaver

WantToBeSE wrote: »

duchy- i absolutely DON'T think i am taking the 'moral highground'. If your friend was doing something that you thought would ultimately cause them heartache, would you be able to support that?

I dont feel that i can.

Like i said, i really hope that i am proved wrong, but i believe they are marrying for the wrong reasons.

I have just erased a long explaination of why i dont think they are marrying for the 'right' reasons, but really it's not my place to say what is right or wrong.

If you tell her why you are declining she won't be a friend anymore. Let her make her own choices and be there to support her IF it fails.

emweaver

WantToBeSE wrote: »

Maybe you are all right..i just always thought that you had a to have faith in the marriage you were witnessing?

Or is that not the done thing?

Why do you feel so strongly it won't work out?

Im guessing there is more to this that you are telling us.

jenhug

2 people told me I was marrying the wrong man, before I married him. I can tell you this really really hurt. We have been married 15 and a half years and are still very very happy. I still remember how much it hurt being told their negative views when I was so happy at becoming engaged.

Wilma33

I've been to weddings that I know won't last (and they haven't). But I don't think it is for friends/guests/bridesmaid to judge. Just support your friend and be her bridesmaid. If you know something she doesn't (facts not feelings) then make sure you tell her ASAP.

shop-to-drop

If you have legitimate concerns for your friend you should tell her. Letting her know you will support her choice and be their for her. Not being bridesmaid is not going to do anything for your friend except possibly spoil your friendship.

Kynthia

shop-to-drop wrote: »

If you have legitimate concerns for your friend you should tell her. Letting her know you will support her choice and be their for her. Not being bridesmaid is not going to do anything for your friend except possibly spoil your friendship.

Only tell her if there is a specific reason to base your belief on, and something which means she might at least understand your view. I would have been very hurt if anyone close to me had said they didn't think I should be marrying my hubbie as not only would I be upset I would also question whether they knew me well and why they were upsetting me as did they really think I would suddenly call off the wedding. However if they at least had a good reason, something really good as otherwise what is the point in telling me, then I could at least think they were looking out for me. Otherwise no-one knows what makes a relationship work and what a couple are really like behind closed doors, so unless someone seems very unhappy it's best to stay out of their relationships.