The Giving Up/ Cutting Down alcohol support thread - number 13

satchmo1

4/24 AFDs tonight.

ManPants

ElusiveLucy wrote: »

Thank for the link Honey Bear. I got 10

Is this the test I did too and got 20?? To be fair I didn`t think it would be great.

Have had alcohol but only 3 glasses of wine and a large beer with dinner. Then went to bed. Left a large glass of red wine sitting on the side.

Hugs Shaggy-do that is real bad news.

Arkers well done on your weight loss. Amazing! Have to get yourself some "hot" outfits now!

Still at 2/30 AF

SPS X

Dizzy_Imp

Yay! I get my first smiley face - 7/30 please Shaggy x

I'm sorry to hear you found this thread a little judgemental when you joined Maman. That's very sad, as I've felt completely supported and unpatronised throughout my journey, and I thought the thread had always been this way.

I know many people considered me to be a heavy drinker, but also that I was able to hold my drink without any embarrassing end results. Did I have a drinking problem? No! I drank (lots) - no problem!

I'm not sure how much worse things would've gotten for me if I hadn't had children and been made to be more responsible by my own sense of what's right, throughout my pregnancies and while breastfeeding. Being practically teatotal during those times made me start to question my level of consumption and with the help of the people here, gradually knock it on the head. I still have my drinking friends to convince of my decision though and this will be the real test for me when we get together. Will I find drunk friends so appealing when I'm sober? We will soon see...

Rubbish news Shaggy - cancer-zapping vibes headed SiL's way, poor lady

cathybird

ShaggyDoo, really sorry to hear about your sister in law - hoping that everything will be fine for her. x

Arkers

Good Morning Everyone,


Stupot re the "hot" outfits:rotfl:when shall we go shopping!!:p. You're more likely to find me in wax jacket and wellies walking the dog! I do think I will invest in a new LBD, size 10/12 now!:D


Shaggy, I am so sorry about your SIL, I hope she gets well soon x


1AFD for last night please Shaggy


Arkers x

cathybird

Morning all! Glorious morning out there round these parts. 4/15 for me please Shaggy.

Honey_Bear

Gorgeous day here, too, Cathybird. Lovely long walk on the Hoe with the dog first thing, although it's a bit cloudier now.

Yes, StuPotStu, I think we're all talking about the same test. Getting two of your thirty under your belt is two more than it would have been a month ago from what you've said. :j

Really sorry to hear about your SiL, Shaggy. *Healing vibes* for her, and (((hugs))) for you and your family.

maman wrote: »

That's what I think too. When I started on this thread there seemed to be some pressure to admit to being alcoholic along the 'why else join the thread?' theme. I found/find that particularly unhelpful. I considered leaving but along with judicious use of the ignore button I persevered and have achieved what I wanted.:D I think what matters is that if you want to bring about change in your drinking habits, this thread can help.

Exactly this, Maman. You're so full of wise and lovely stuff, and thank God you stuck with it! Your constant support was massively, massively important to me. I honestly don't think I'd have made it through the first few weeks without you, amongst others, but you were always there every day, cheering me on.

If the idea that if you drink at all and want to find somewhere supportive to help you cut down or moderate, or think about giving up but need a bit of extra time to help in making that decision - you must be an alocholic and must admit it right now out loud and must stop drinking right now otherwise you are a deluded, c**p human being - were the ethos on this thread I absolutely would not have joined it. In fact, I wouldn't have even bothered to read it. I abhor that kind of thinking and, in my case at least, it's totally counter-productive.

People are smart enough to work out what they need to do and finding exactly the right mix of support to get from where they are to where they need to be is highly individual, takes time, and often a few false starts. Whatever works for other people is fine for them, but that doesn't mean it will work for everyone.

This thread was hugely important for me in making the change precisely because it didn't keep harping on past negatives, but stressed the positives in doing something, anything, that changed my behaviour.

I still believe that if the only thing it does is help one person not having one drink they would otherwise have had, it's an amazing achievement. That is a change in behaviour, albeit tiny, and from tiny successes really big successes grow. It takes time to turn a juggernaut around if it's zipping down the motorway at 80mph which is how I saw my drinking. Slapping it into reverse gear and expecting the outcome to be successful is sort of bonkers.

I first posted on one of these threads a good two or three years before I finally stopped, and only once at that. A tiny step, but the day I woke up knowing I had to stop this was the first place I came.

Dizzy_Imp wrote: »

I'm not sure how much worse things would've gotten for me if I hadn't had children and been made to be more responsible by my own sense of what's right, throughout my pregnancies and while breastfeeding. Being practically teatotal during those times made me start to question my level of consumption and with the help of the people here, gradually knock it on the head. I still have my drinking friends to convince of my decision though and this will be the real test for me when we get together. Will I find drunk friends so appealing when I'm sober? We will soon see...

Did knowing that you had stopped during your pregnancies help with knocking it on the head when you decided to stop recently, Dizzy? I know you're planning on allowing yourself some occasionally, but actually knocking it on the head completely for a month or three is not the same as trying to moderate. It feels tougher to begin with, but is much simpler in reality because the decision is already made every day.

Friends. The vexed issue. It's usually a 'Will they still like you and will you still like them' sort of question but actually boils down to, 'Do you have anything other than booze in common?'

Don't forget that while you've been giving your liver a bit of time off for good behaviour, they've been carrying on. The effects of alcohol are cumulative. In other words, as you start to see the world more clearly, their vision is getting a little more blury so your paths are moving further and further away at greater and greater speed.

A friend's husband, who happens to be an NHS psychologist so you think he'd know about the effects of alcohol on himself but apparently not, decided to do Dry January and loved the effect so much he's knocked his drinking on the head completely. According to my friend, his biggest worry was how his lifelong friends would react, but to a man they've all been wonderfully supportive and admitted they're thinking it's time to take it a bit more slowly. You may find some of your friends have been redeciding their priorities, too, but just didn't want to say anything for fear of sounding judgemental.

Good luck with it, either way.

8/30 please, Shaggy. And have another (((hug))), for being such a lovely sister and SiL.

maman

Dizzy_Imp wrote: »

I'm sorry to hear you found this thread a little judgemental when you joined Maman. That's very sad, as I've felt completely supported and unpatronised throughout my journey, and I thought the thread had always been this way.

Thanks for your kind words (again!) HB. It wasn't judgemental as such dizzy, more as HB said that you were deluded if you didn't admit to being an alcoholic. But that's in the past and now I'm more than happy to give or take from this lovely thread as needed.:D


Sorry to hear your bad news shaggy but sending positive vibes to your SIL.:A

shaggydoo

Afternoon

An ALD for yesterday.



Shaggyx

shaggydoo

Honey_Bear wrote: »

Friends. The vexed issue. It's usually a 'Will they still like you and will you still like them' sort of question but actually boils down to, 'Do you have anything other than booze in common?'

Before I got the news about my SiL I meant to post about this weeks episode of Ross Kemp's Britain which was about alcohol consumption (Sky One). There was an interview with a middle age nurse on the program who is/was drinking half a litre of vodka a day - she said she couldn't stop drinking because all her friends drank and she would be friendless if she stopped drinking. How mad/sad is that.

Worth a watch if you can find it on catch up somewhere.