The Giving Up/ Cutting Down alcohol support thread - number 13

Honey_Bear

kiss_me_now9 wrote: »

Hello all, hope it's ok to pop in.
I'm going to try no drinking until my next blood test (three weeks time) and then just once a week, and not to the levels I drink at now.

Hi there Kiss Me Now! :wave: It sounds like you have a working plan. Good luck with it, and keep posting. I've found that posting every day has helped me stay on the straight and narrow, and anything that helps is worth trying I'd have thought.

satchmo1 wrote: »

I'm having planned wine tonight, which may not be curing my extreme stress, but at least stop me running away which was a considered option earlier

From the little that you've said about your personal circumstances Satchmo it sounds as though you are sometimes under a great deal of strain. I hope the wine helps settle you into a more comfortable frame of mind, and that you enjoy it.

CountingPenniesClaire wrote: »

So no afds for me on sat or today but on both nights I have stopped at 1 pint of cider and I am really pleased with that. Some very inspirational posts by honey bear and others this weekend. Thank you all x

Thank you, CountingPenniesClaire. If you have access to a working Stop Button you're doing a great deal better than I ever did!

There are honestly no words that will ever be able to convey the depth of my gratitude for all the posters on this thread, particularly Shaggy the Exemplary Score-Keeper. Without Belle and all of you I honestly don't think I'd be where I am now. None of you can have any idea of how much good you've done me. Life-changing stuff.

8/28 please, Shaggy.

BlueDaisy

5/14 for me please.
Amazingly, I was AFD on Saturday.

Chardonnay

Honey_Bear wrote: »

Thank you Chardonnay for your kind words; it's impossible to say how much help everyone's posts on this thread have helped me get to (now) Day 198 and you're a massive part of that. Suffice it to say that without the support that I plugged into here and elsewhere, I wouldn't be where I am now.

I'm now on Belle's 365 Day Challenge (Tired of Thinking About Drinking). She sends out an email every day to each of her subscribers - it's free, in case anyone is wondering. Currently she's working on a not-so-secret writing project and she's including daily extracts in the emails, as well as other stuff. This is my response to an extract in which a new subscriber asked the question, 'How do you quit drinking forever?'

'Don't. Don't think about it. Don't stop drinking because you think you should. Don't say 'Never again.' Don't swear to quit drinking because you feel hungover or while you're hungover. Don't promise everyone that you won't behave like that any more. All the don'ts we could all list. I'd lost count of the number of times I'd promised myself I wouldn't behave like that again. And I'd lost count of the number of times I realised, in the morning, that the way I had behaved was totally unnacceptable. And I'd lost count of the number of times I reached for the glass in the evening and hopped straight back into it.

'The only way it can be done is to re-invent, rethink, reposition, re-imagine and redecide your life.

'The only negative was: I don't want to live like that any more.


'The rest were all positives: imagining what it could be like when I woke up sober, and with a clear head. I never thought ahead of just that, so the bonuses that came about like getting more done, being able to concentrate, losing weight, getting early nights and having money to spend were all unplanned, unsought and a delightful surprise.

'I had to decide what I was going to drink in the evenings, how to eat pizza and pasta without missing a glass of wine, go to parties and enjoy them, go to weddings and celebrate with the happy couples, and celebrate my own victories, and spend my birthday and Christmas and New Year's eve - all without reaching for that glass that had become welded to my right hand in the evenings for a couple of decades - and be okay with all of that. Because if for one moment it felt as though there was something I couldn't do, or something missing, it wouldn't work. I just wanted to be okay and that involved changing my behaviour and that required research.

'I read what people who had walked the sober path in front of me said about their journey and I spent as much time doing that for the first three months as I used to spend drinking. I took a lot of notice of what those people said.'

There is a lot more I could add in view of what you've said about the possibility of stopping altogether but this post will be long enough without spilling everything else that's in my brain! I do want to add this though.

I'm 58, and despite the hordes of journalists who regularly extol the virtues of drinking I think most liver specialists, whose opinions rarely appear in the press - can't think why not - or breast cancer consultants, come to that, all say that there is a very clear link between the amount of alcohol intake and the risk of some cancers. (The breast cancer consultant was the one who put the fear of God in me, to be honest, and it was one of the many, many factors in my eventual decision to knock drinking on the head. I'm a Radio 4 devotee which is where I get most of my information, rather than the papers.)

I'm genuinely amazed at how little I want to reach for the glass in the evenings, or am seriously tempted to drink again. About as much as I want to light another cigarette, I suppose, and I loved smoking for 30 years, at least a 20 a day woman, often double that on heavy nights out.

It was fear that stopped me from making the commitment not to smoke until about 10 years ago, and fear of life without booze that kept me drinking for years after I knew I probably had a problem with alcohol. It's great to live without that fear, and I honestly didn't think I was strong enough to give up the fags or the booze. Turns out I was wrong, and it's great!

Thank you so so much HB for taking the time to write this and your other post. You are so very inspirational and have given me much food for thought! I subscribed to Belle's emails a while ago but haven't joined any of the challenges of yet. She is an amazing lady and must have helped so many people. If I do decide to stop drinking, I think I'll go with the 100 day challenge too. I think this is a good way to go because trying to tell yourself that you'll stop forever just seems too daunting!

I know I would find it easy not to drink while at home. My problem is that I'm a social drinker. I have been better at late with finding the stop button but I have had a lot of problems with that in the past. I try to tell myself that I am better lately but deep down I know that I am just moderating using extreme self control. It worries me that I'm still bargaining with myself before I go out as to how many drinks I'll have and often feeling deprived if I can't just carry on drinking to my heart's content. Oh, and feeling annoyed deep down if the person pouring the wine puts a little less in my glass. That worries me.

I think that I am an all or nothing person really. I used to feel the same about smoking. Again, I could go all week without a fag then smoke 20 on a night out. Like you, I thought that life would never be the same without a fag, but 17 years on, I can honestly say that I don't miss smoking one little bit.

My problem when I think about stopping drinking is that I immediately start thinking about the all the parties I have planned, my holiday abroad in two months - how they just won't be the same without a drink. As you suggest, I need to find a way to deal with these issues - find a plan. I know that I've used alcohol to deal with anxiety and also shyness. I first started drinking heavily as a teenager, even drinking before I went out, to calm my nerves. I worry that I'll be boring without alcohol and find it harder to socialise. These are issues that I need to address, I know. Most of my family/friends like a "good drink" too - it's always been such a huge part of my life. It feels like such a radical life change. But even my husband, who in the past has found it extreme when I've mentioned cutting alcohol out completely has started to notice how it affects me the next day and started suggesting it might be time to stop drinking altogether.

Anyway, sorry to have gone on so much but your post was so interesting HB, it really made me think! And after all that, I am now on 6/19 please Shaggy!

sukeyboo

BlueDaisy wrote: »

Amazingly, I was AFD on Saturday.

Me too BlueDaisy - I can't actually remember the last time that happened it was so many years ago :eek:

Some very interesting posts on here over the weekend - definitely food for thought, although I can't quite imagine giving up alcohol completely

Saturday has taken my total for the month to 2/12 which I am disappointed with . Must try harder this week .

maman

satchmo1 wrote: »

I'm having planned wine tonight, which may not be curing my extreme stress, but at least stop me running away which was a considered option earlier

Hope it helped a little satchmo.:A


No drinking here today.


5 AFDs please Shaggy.

Honey_Bear

Chardonnay, would it sound a bit creepy if I said I feel your pain? Honestly, the 'How will I cope with socialising?' thoughts were my constant companion for years when I thought about knocking drinking on the head. I simply couldn't see how I could be around my friends who all socialise by boozing. The many things I wrote in my first post about 'How will I cope with ... ?' are normal - and they kept me drinking for years.


I can categorically state - you won't be boring. People who are drunk can be a little tedious sometimes, but sober people are not boring. And now, here's my secret about socialising which I discovered very early on six months or so ago - once someone has had a couple of drinks, if you ask them a question about themselves they will talk the hind leg off a donkey. Most people knock back the first two drinks very quickly - certainly less than the first 30 minutes. Arrive slightly later, and don't have the first one with them, then all you have to do is sit back, listen and stop worrying about coping. Socialising is actually surprisingly easy sober while everyone else is getting tiddled!


Everyone becomes, shall we say, a tad self-centred after four drinks and at that point, to be honest, I'm off home - and they're having such a good time they don't notice I'm not there any more and don't care. I have had to stay a few times because I'm obviously now the designated driver and that's much, much cheaper than taxis so OH is happy, but it's now my decision as to when we leave and I am no longer embarrassed by always being the last!


If you try it, once, at an event or an evening when you'd normally expect to have more than a couple and see how you find it, you'll be better equipped to make a decision about your future plans.


You're not the teenager who started off your social life by pre-loading. You are a capable adult who is in a happy, stable relationship who has already shown that you don't need to drink to be happy (Day 6 this month, already!) and you know that you can stop doing something that you no longer want to do - because you stopped smoking. You are already much more together than you realise. How cool is that?


One of the reasons for my long posts at the moment is that after Dry January, I suspect that quite a few people are experiencing the same feelings as you, and there are things that I wanted to know when I was going through my first few weeks AF. I had the luxury of time to read most of this thread and some of it's earlier incarnations and simply put into practise some of the strategies I found in that process. I also read a lot of sober blogs (not everyone makes it first time around), and some books about boozing. It's quite normal, by the way, to find at least 20 books in the library in the section on drinking wine - and one, or maybe two, about stopping drinking.


There's a huge amount on rubbish around about stopping drinking and I'm trying to set the record a bit straighter by showing that a pragmatic approach to the practicalities is a great way to do it.


And I'll echo something I've mentioned before that produced what I regarded and still regard as an interesting response. There is an absolute belief that people who stop boozing are going to have to deal with 'the emotional problems that made them drink.' Really? What a crock! I drank because I liked the taste, getting drunk felt like fun and it was a really bad habit. Six months in, I've never felt happier or more together, and I certainly don't feel the need to go into therapy, or see a counsellor. I sometimes look back at the past and can see things more clearly now and realise why I react the way I do, and that is pretty much the end of the introspection. (If that changes, I'll deal with that, too.)

shaggydoo

Morning :hello:

1 more AFD for yesterday.



Shaggyx

shaggydoo

February:

= 7 Days AF

= 14 days AF

= 21 days AF


= 28 days AF

= target achieved



AlexLK 5/21

Barny1979 6/24

BHB 4/20

BlueDaisy 5/14

Chardonnay 6/19

CountingPenniesClaire 5/21

DansMam 3/24
DebJay 7/24

Ellsbel 3/17

Fruball 3/20

Gien 2/15

GrassGirl 3/20

GrumpyOldGal /25
Honey Bear 8/28

Maman 5/10

MummyTo3Boys /16

Pricey /20

Satchmo 6/21

Shaggy 6/20

Shelbi /24

SukeyBoo 2/12

StopLurking 6/22




Everyone Welcome! It's never too late to join....

Please highlight your AFDs in Red

Don't hesitate to let me know if I've made a mistake!

Ellsbel

Just been catching up on the posts from the weekend; some really interesting and thought provoking comments as always.
honey bear and chardonnay I was fascinated to read your comments. At the moment I'm going with moderation and probably because I've just had a dry month, I'm managing ok, but I did almost find at the weekend that I almost had a drink on Sunday simply because I'd planned it as a non AFD, even though I didn't actually want one!
I didn't have one in the end, and am now on 5/17, including today.
but it's made me aware of how easy it is to build up "habits" around drinking.
To all those going through a stressful time at the moment, I wish you better times soon x

CountingPenniesClaire

Honey_Bear wrote: »

There is an absolute belief that people who stop boozing are going to have to deal with 'the emotional problems that made them drink.' Really? What a crock! I drank because I liked the taste, getting drunk felt like fun and it was a really bad habit. Six months in, I've never felt happier or more together, and I certainly don't feel the need to go into therapy, or see a counsellor. I sometimes look back at the past and can see things more clearly now and realise why I react the way I do, and that is pretty much the end of the introspection. (If that changes, I'll deal with that, too.)

Absolutely Honey Bear. I'd add that I'd raise a glass to what you've said on here, but that would be going against the theme!!