The Giving Up/ Cutting Down alcohol support thread - number 13

Honey_Bear

Chardonnay wrote: »

I'm just wondering if it's worth it. I don't know if it's my age (45) or the after effects of my op, but my body seems to be telling me not to drink. .... I just don't know if I'm quite ready to stop completely.

Thank you Chardonnay for your kind words; it's impossible to say how much help everyone's posts on this thread have helped me get to (now) Day 198 and you're a massive part of that. Suffice it to say that without the support that I plugged into here and elsewhere, I wouldn't be where I am now.

I'm now on Belle's 365 Day Challenge (Tired of Thinking About Drinking). She sends out an email every day to each of her subscribers - it's free, in case anyone is wondering. Currently she's working on a not-so-secret writing project and she's including daily extracts in the emails, as well as other stuff. This is my response to an extract in which a new subscriber asked the question, 'How do you quit drinking forever?'

'Don't. Don't think about it. Don't stop drinking because you think you should. Don't say 'Never again.' Don't swear to quit drinking because you feel hungover or while you're hungover. Don't promise everyone that you won't behave like that any more. All the don'ts we could all list. I'd lost count of the number of times I'd promised myself I wouldn't behave like that again. And I'd lost count of the number of times I realised, in the morning, that the way I had behaved was totally unnacceptable. And I'd lost count of the number of times I reached for the glass in the evening and hopped straight back into it.

'The only way it can be done is to re-invent, rethink, reposition, re-imagine and redecide your life.

'The only negative was: I don't want to live like that any more.


'The rest were all positives: imagining what it could be like when I woke up sober, and with a clear head. I never thought ahead of just that, so the bonuses that came about like getting more done, being able to concentrate, losing weight, getting early nights and having money to spend were all unplanned, unsought and a delightful surprise.

'I had to decide what I was going to drink in the evenings, how to eat pizza and pasta without missing a glass of wine, go to parties and enjoy them, go to weddings and celebrate with the happy couples, and celebrate my own victories, and spend my birthday and Christmas and New Year's eve - all without reaching for that glass that had become welded to my right hand in the evenings for a couple of decades - and be okay with all of that. Because if for one moment it felt as though there was something I couldn't do, or something missing, it wouldn't work. I just wanted to be okay and that involved changing my behaviour and that required research.

'I read what people who had walked the sober path in front of me said about their journey and I spent as much time doing that for the first three months as I used to spend drinking. I took a lot of notice of what those people said.'

There is a lot more I could add in view of what you've said about the possibility of stopping altogether but this post will be long enough without spilling everything else that's in my brain! I do want to add this though.

I'm 58, and despite the hordes of journalists who regularly extol the virtues of drinking I think most liver specialists, whose opinions rarely appear in the press - can't think why not - or breast cancer consultants, come to that, all say that there is a very clear link between the amount of alcohol intake and the risk of some cancers. (The breast cancer consultant was the one who put the fear of God in me, to be honest, and it was one of the many, many factors in my eventual decision to knock drinking on the head. I'm a Radio 4 devotee which is where I get most of my information, rather than the papers.)

I'm genuinely amazed at how little I want to reach for the glass in the evenings, or am seriously tempted to drink again. About as much as I want to light another cigarette, I suppose, and I loved smoking for 30 years, at least a 20 a day woman, often double that on heavy nights out.

It was fear that stopped me from making the commitment not to smoke until about 10 years ago, and fear of life without booze that kept me drinking for years after I knew I probably had a problem with alcohol. It's great to live without that fear, and I honestly didn't think I was strong enough to give up the fags or the booze. Turns out I was wrong, and it's great!

debjay

7/24 for tonight please. I'm only now drinking on Friday or Saturday but am also thinking about quitting altogether. I don't miss it when I don't drink and don't like feeling groggy when I do. I think it's just the thought of never :eek:

Honey_Bear

Thanks Debjay. The whole 'never' thing is the thing that concerned me, and that's why the idea of seeing if I could do the 100 Day Challenge appealed to me last year in January when I started it. The first 20 days appeared to be so comparatively easy that I thought that a glass or two of red with pizza on the third Saturday shouldn't be that much of a problem and before I knew it I was back on the same amount as before.


Fortunately, I'd done those 20 days and when I re-decided that the 100 Days Challenge was the way to go the second time around, it was more straightforward.


I'm absolutely not suggesting for a moment that anyone else should stop drinking. I don't believe alcohol is a problem for most people at all, it's just that it had become a problem for me. Once that happens it only ever gets worse and I didn't want to wait until that happened to tackle it.


If anyone wants to see what living without booze feels like, to see if they'd prefer to knock it on the head once and for all, the 100 Day Challenge gives anyone that opportunity. Belle believes and has found from the people that she corresponds with that after Day 60 most people don't struggle so intensely with not drinking (I know because I've asked her), and the statistics suggest that once people who want to stop drinking completely get past six months, they're pretty likely to be able to stay stopped.


All I know is: although a glass of wine with pizza might feel like a good idea, or appealing, to me on a Saturday night (in fact, the thought crosses my mind every Saturday night), the quality of life I've found after six months is so far and away better than anything I could have imagined that I'd have to be nuts to go back to drinking. In other words, I've found out what I want, as opposed to wondering if I could stop drinking for ever. That's not the same thing as just deciding to stop drinking and feeling as though I was deprived of a pleasure. If that makes sense.

Wanna_Bee_Free

That was a very touching and interesting post Honey Bear. Like others have said, you're an inspiration on here. Thank you.

Kantankrus_Mare

Not sure if there is a connection but it just occurred to me there might be.

Did dry January and managed it relatively easily.

Have had one glass of wine, sometimes two for the past week and last couple of days have felt really sluggish like I am coming down with something.

Will knock it on the head for a few days and see how I feel.:cool:

kiss_me_now9

Hello all, hope it's ok to pop in.

Few reasons why I want to cut down on the alcohol -
1) It really upsets my stomach the next day and recent blood tests I've had show a slight inflammation in my liver, nothing too serious I think but alcohol can't be helping
2) I can't afford to be spending money on it!
3) I want to get fitter and have a fit, muscular body and alcohol just doesn't fit into that equation
4) A lot of the time I feel like I 'need' to drink rather than just wanting to, and recently have found myself drinking to excess for no reason other than I didn't have work the next day.

I'm going to try no drinking until my next blood test (three weeks time) and then just once a week, and not to the levels I drink at now.

satchmo1

I'm having planned wine tonight, which may not be curing my extreme stress, but at least stop me running away which was a considered option earlier

CountingPenniesClaire

So no afds for me on sat or today but on both nights I have stopped at 1 pint of cider and I am really pleased with that. Some very inspirational posts by honey bear and others this weekend. Thank you all x

AlexLK

5 days including this evening.

stoplurking

6/22 for me please Shaggy. HB you are doing brilliantly, nearly at the next big milestone. Satchmo, hope your stress eases soon. Thanks for keeping the score Shaggy.