The Giving Up/ Cutting Down alcohol support thread - number 13

grassgirl

Declaring

6/20 for today included. Thank you x

Barny1979

7/24 AFDs today

debjay

8/24 for tonight please.

Thanks Shaggy for my first smilie this month :j

CountingPenniesClaire

Declaring tonight an AFD! 6/21 for me please. Thank youuuuuu x

Honey_Bear

CountingPenniesClaire wrote: »

Absolutely Honey Bear. I'd add that I'd raise a glass to what you've said on here, but that would be going against the theme!!

Absolutely fine by me, and I'll raise my glass to you, too. (It just won't have alcohol in it.)

9/28 please, Shaggy.

stoplurking

7/22 today please Shaggy. Thanks.

AlexLK

6 including this evening.

Chardonnay

Honey_Bear wrote: »

Chardonnay, would it sound a bit creepy if I said I feel your pain? Honestly, the 'How will I cope with socialising?' thoughts were my constant companion for years when I thought about knocking drinking on the head. I simply couldn't see how I could be around my friends who all socialise by boozing. The many things I wrote in my first post about 'How will I cope with ... ?' are normal - and they kept me drinking for years.


I can categorically state - you won't be boring. People who are drunk can be a little tedious sometimes, but sober people are not boring. And now, here's my secret about socialising which I discovered very early on six months or so ago - once someone has had a couple of drinks, if you ask them a question about themselves they will talk the hind leg off a donkey. Most people knock back the first two drinks very quickly - certainly less than the first 30 minutes. Arrive slightly later, and don't have the first one with them, then all you have to do is sit back, listen and stop worrying about coping. Socialising is actually surprisingly easy sober while everyone else is getting tiddled!


Everyone becomes, shall we say, a tad self-centred after four drinks and at that point, to be honest, I'm off home - and they're having such a good time they don't notice I'm not there any more and don't care. I have had to stay a few times because I'm obviously now the designated driver and that's much, much cheaper than taxis so OH is happy, but it's now my decision as to when we leave and I am no longer embarrassed by always being the last!


If you try it, once, at an event or an evening when you'd normally expect to have more than a couple and see how you find it, you'll be better equipped to make a decision about your future plans.


You're not the teenager who started off your social life by pre-loading. You are a capable adult who is in a happy, stable relationship who has already shown that you don't need to drink to be happy (Day 6 this month, already!) and you know that you can stop doing something that you no longer want to do - because you stopped smoking. You are already much more together than you realise. How cool is that?


One of the reasons for my long posts at the moment is that after Dry January, I suspect that quite a few people are experiencing the same feelings as you, and there are things that I wanted to know when I was going through my first few weeks AF. I had the luxury of time to read most of this thread and some of it's earlier incarnations and simply put into practise some of the strategies I found in that process. I also read a lot of sober blogs (not everyone makes it first time around), and some books about boozing. It's quite normal, by the way, to find at least 20 books in the library in the section on drinking wine - and one, or maybe two, about stopping drinking.


There's a huge amount on rubbish around about stopping drinking and I'm trying to set the record a bit straighter by showing that a pragmatic approach to the practicalities is a great way to do it.


And I'll echo something I've mentioned before that produced what I regarded and still regard as an interesting response. There is an absolute belief that people who stop boozing are going to have to deal with 'the emotional problems that made them drink.' Really? What a crock! I drank because I liked the taste, getting drunk felt like fun and it was a really bad habit. Six months in, I've never felt happier or more together, and I certainly don't feel the need to go into therapy, or see a counsellor. I sometimes look back at the past and can see things more clearly now and realise why I react the way I do, and that is pretty much the end of the introspection. (If that changes, I'll deal with that, too.)

Not creepy at all Honey Bear! Just empathetic and I really appreciate your wise words. You make me realise that stopping drinking can be a positive thing and it's so great to hear that you've never felt happier or more together. I've said it so many times but you really are an inspiration to me and I'm so grateful that you've taken the time to give me your thoughts.

It's all rubbish that we tell ourselves really isn't it (or that Wolfie tells us!) And it's fear that stops us from taking the plunge and finding another way. I spent some time reading some sober blogs last night too and they make interesting reading. I like following real peoples stories and find I can relate to a lot of what they say.

In truth, I don't quite feel ready to go for any challenges. Sorry if that makes me sound flaky! I think I will carry on as I am for now, taking each day as it comes, asking myself if I really do want to drink or not on each occasion, rather than just drinking for the sake of it. Despite my comments in my earlier post, in some ways I can see differences in myself - not drinking at the wake, going out for a meal with family and drinking diet coke because I was thirsty, before having a couple of drinks and then finishing off with coffee. These are things which I never would have done in the past. Maybe I don't feel quite ready to give up on moderation just yet. Or maybe I am kidding myself, who knows! But I think I'd like to try for a little longer.

This thread is so brilliant, so supportive and has helped me so much. Thank you again for your support and wise words! :T I am now on 7/19 please Shaggy

BlueDaisy

6/14 for me please.

HoneyBear and Chardonnay and everyone else thanks for the interesting converstaion. A lot of the feelings are certainly resonating with me, and since Dry January I haven't had the yearning for the volume of alcohol I used to consume. Being dry just for 31 days certainly has changed my perspective and given me a lot to think about.

Honey_Bear

I think you're being very, very sensible, Chardonnay. If I'd been in the least bit ambivalent about stopping it wouldn't have worked for me. When I got to the point that it was the only choice it worked, but every time I'd thought 'Maybe I should cut down, no, actually I really should cut down' nothing changed.

For most people drinking really isn't a problem; for the minority of us who become progressively less and less able to cope with the increasing amounts we find ourselves knocking back - it is. If you're one of the happy ones who can choose not to drink on a night out, or choose to stop after you've had enough, I'd say - carry on enjoying it.