The Giving Up/ Cutting Down alcohol support thread - number 13

ManPants

Well, have successfully made it to 7/31 AF although it is 1am and I'm still awake despite going to bed at 22.30hrs.

OH managed to remain AF tonight but twice I had to intervene and say something about "not being able to stay off booze for one night suggests alcohol addiction to me" when he was going to "just have the one glass". It had the desired affect and he did it but I imagine I shall have the same dance tomorrow night if I'm to get him to improve upon his drinking habits. He was in a proper mood with it as well. Part of me feels irritated by his behaviour. We're 40 & 42 so not actually youthful anymore so his unwillingness to accept responsibility for his health and well being really F***s me off. It also doesn't make life easier for me when I am struggling to stop drinking and he is sitting with a carafe of wine in reaching distance of me. Likewise I had to quit smoking with a background of him still smoking, and packets of cigarettes lying around and being nearby when I was forcing myself to stop. But then, Pro Choice. I choose not to smoke anymore and I choose to try and not drink so should I expect the same from others?? This has suddenly gone very "Sex in the City" with the addition of a rhetorical question. :rotfl:

Lastly, apologies that I am flooding this thread with long drawn out wordy posts on a daily or twice daily frequency. It really is helping with my sobriety so apologies if it is draining the life out of you and I really do appreciate all the support proffered.

M.P X

New_Me

ManPants wrote: »

Well, have successfully made it to 7/31 AF although it is 1am and I'm still awake despite going to bed at 22.30hrs.
M.P X

manpants I used Insight Timer app(free) on my phone to listen to guided meditation when I couldn't sleep for the 1st AF days. The insomnia lasted a month and was really hard.

ManPants wrote: »

OH managed to remain AF tonight but twice I had to intervene and say something about "not being able to stay off booze for one night suggests alcohol addiction to me" when he was going to "just have the one glass". It had the desired affect and he did it but I imagine I shall have the same dance tomorrow night if I'm to get him to improve upon his drinking habits.

You may find your OH has to have his own light bulb moment, but well done getting 1 night off. Maybe see how he feels today to encourage more? He might feel pretty rough though lol.

ManPants wrote: »

Lastly, apologies that I am flooding this thread with long drawn out wordy posts on a daily or twice daily frequency. It really is helping with my sobriety so apologies if it is draining the life out of you and I really do appreciate all the support proffered.

M.P X

I'm sure no one minds your posts, that's what we're here for.

Dizzy_Imp

Well, my visit to friends back in Sussex was a blast, but as predicted, laced quite well with booze. I had four large glasses of white wine and got to bed at 3am, so a tad tired now.

Got five hours on the train to look forward to later, but for now a nice cup of Earl Grey tea. I feel slow and sluggish but no actual hangover...as yet...

The rest of the month will be AF - yesterday was enough, thank you!

Honey_Bear

Welcome back, Mackeroo!

maman wrote: »

I think the talk of sandwiches got to me. I was out for a planned drink and a buffet was laid on. I ate two sandwiches.Very healthy sandwiches but I'd had dinner and was just being greedy. I'm more cross about them than the drink.

I cannot resist sandwiches, especially when made by someone else. The minute OH walks out the door I'm carving myself slices of bread, grating cheese and chopping onion - cheese and onion is my absolute (totally antisocial) favourite. If I'm out and about at an event and there's a buffet with sandwiches on it, I'll just stand next to it and scoff. Can't help it. How did you stop at two?!

ManPants wrote: »

Well, have successfully made it to 7/31 AF although it is 1am and I'm still awake despite going to bed at 22.30hrs.

Hugely well done on the seven days. It's a massive achievement and probably a very long time since your body has had that much time off for good behaviour judging by the description of your life!

The only way I could cope with insomnia in the days when it was really, really bad was talk radio with an earpiece. Music just irritates me, but I know some people swear by it. Radio 4, Radio 4 Extra and the World Service saw me through sixteen years, and I've now got a very beaten up secondhand ipod that I top up with podcasts every few days. It soothes me, having someone tell me stories while I drop off. After years of suggesting it to OH he's now equally dependent and is addicted to Radio 5 Live's 5.15am business programme. Anything's worth a try.

ManPants wrote: »

OH managed to remain AF tonight but twice I had to intervene and say something about "not being able to stay off booze for one night suggests alcohol addiction to me" when he was going to "just have the one glass". It had the desired affect and he did it but I imagine I shall have the same dance tomorrow night if I'm to get him to improve upon his drinking habits. He was in a proper mood with it as well. Part of me feels irritated by his behaviour. We're 40 & 42 so not actually youthful anymore so his unwillingness to accept responsibility for his health and well being really F***s me off. It also doesn't make life easier for me when I am struggling to stop drinking and he is sitting with a carafe of wine in reaching distance of me. Likewise I had to quit smoking with a background of him still smoking, and packets of cigarettes lying around and being nearby when I was forcing myself to stop. But then, Pro Choice. I choose not to smoke anymore and I choose to try and not drink so should I expect the same from others?? This has suddenly gone very "Sex in the City" with the addition of a rhetorical question. :rotfl:

This is a really, really tricky area. We all know we'd be better off (physically, financially, emotionally) if we cut down or gave up booze, but that doesn't translate into behaviour changes that easily. If you managed to give up cigarettes despite your OH smoking like a beagle in front of you, you know you can exercise self-control despite temptation - so you're way ahead of the game.

I try not to evangalize too much about being AF when I'm with people who drink, because if anyone had done it to me when I was drinking I'd have wanted to deck them - especially if I'd already had a few. There is a sort of sanctimonious, faintly saintly approach that born agains of every description use that, frankly, is pretty guaranteed to make me want to light up an entire pack of M@r1b0r0ugh and knock back a few cans of $t311a even now - and I haven't smoked for nearly ten years or boozed for nearly two and they were two brands I found particularly revolting when I did anyway.

If your OH doesn't have a problem with booze and it's just a habit, when you've been AF for a while drinking on his own will lose some of its allure. I absolutely knew I couldn't say anything to my OH - it was my problem, not his - so I didn't. He's now drinking less than a third of the amount he used to, and that's been a very gradual change. The only thing he minds is not being able to share a bottle of champagne with me on special occasions, so I now ensure that we have friends around whenever there's a high day or a holiday. He's a very gregarious man so the solution was very straightforward for us. I hope you find what works for you as a couple really quickly.

ManPants wrote: »

Lastly, apologies that I am flooding this thread with long drawn out wordy posts on a daily or twice daily frequency. It really is helping with my sobriety so apologies if it is draining the life out of you and I really do appreciate all the support proffered.

Giving up, or seriously cutting back on boozing, is tough. It's a massive behaviour change and it takes some doing. It has knock on effects that are totally unpredictable, and some that are predictable but are still tricky to navigate. You're not flooding the thread, you're talking your way through, and it's helpful for both readers, contributors and lurkers to know what's happening to you and what you find tricky or easy while you're going through the adjustment.

I've got some reservations about the approach some total abstinence organisations use. One of the things I read once said that newbies didn't have anything useful to contribute for the first six months and should belt up and just listen to what was said. I couldn't believe it! The time anyone needs to be able to just talk their way through what's difficult, I would have said the first few weeks are absolutely pivotal. This is not talking therapy, this is a pragmatic, practical place where people who are open to support can come and take as much or as little as they want. And if this approach doesn't help, there are plenty of other places that might offer something else that would suit, but here, people should be able to say what's tricky to navigate.

I couldn't have got through without the support of everyone who contributes, so what you're actually doing is continuing a noble tradition! :T

11/31 please, Shaggy.

cathybird

ManPants wrote: »

Well, have successfully made it to 7/31 AF although it is 1am and I'm still awake despite going to bed at 22.30hrs.

OH managed to remain AF tonight but twice I had to intervene and say something about "not being able to stay off booze for one night suggests alcohol addiction to me" when he was going to "just have the one glass". It had the desired affect and he did it but I imagine I shall have the same dance tomorrow night if I'm to get him to improve upon his drinking habits. He was in a proper mood with it as well. Part of me feels irritated by his behaviour. We're 40 & 42 so not actually youthful anymore so his unwillingness to accept responsibility for his health and well being really F***s me off. It also doesn't make life easier for me when I am struggling to stop drinking and he is sitting with a carafe of wine in reaching distance of me. Likewise I had to quit smoking with a background of him still smoking, and packets of cigarettes lying around and being nearby when I was forcing myself to stop. But then, Pro Choice. I choose not to smoke anymore and I choose to try and not drink so should I expect the same from others?? This has suddenly gone very "Sex in the City" with the addition of a rhetorical question. :rotfl:

Lastly, apologies that I am flooding this thread with long drawn out wordy posts on a daily or twice daily frequency. It really is helping with my sobriety so apologies if it is draining the life out of you and I really do appreciate all the support proffered.

M.P X

ManPants, well done on reaching seven days! I hope your partner does respond to your ongoing hints and cuts back as well, for his sake as well as yours. Always happy to see your posts so keep posting away!

cathybird

maman wrote: »

I think the talk of sandwiches got to me. I was out for a planned drink and a buffet was laid on. I ate two sandwiches.Very healthy sandwiches but I'd had dinner and was just being greedy. I'm more cross about them than the drink.

I love sandwiches too - at work sometimes we get free (leftover) sandwiches from meetings and like Honey Bear I can't resist them either.

I watched the rest of the Louis Theroux documentary last night and it was in every way sobering. It was particularly sad to see the woman, Aurelie, in effect accepting that she was killing herself and also putting up with that awful boyfriend just because she didn't seem to believe she deserved anything better. I hope she has some kind of turnaround. It didn't seem hopeful.

Barny1979

7/24 AFDs today, first smiley day

shaggydoo

Afternoon :hello:

2 more AFDs for Monday & Tuesday.



Shaggyx

PriceySOS

6 please, Shaggy, ta

cathybird wrote: »

It was particularly sad to see the woman, Aurelie, in effect accepting that she was killing herself and also putting up with that awful boyfriend just because she didn't seem to believe she deserved anything better. I hope she has some kind of turnaround. It didn't seem hopeful.

Wasn't he vile? Poor girl, she certainly deserves better.

shaggydoo

PriceySOS wrote: »

Wasn't he vile? Poor girl, she certainly deserves better.

GROSS. So gross.