Oh come on! Stake through the heart. A little sunlight. It's like falling off a log"

Buffythedebtslayer

After a rough few days talking to the ex, we decided or rather he said something so ridiculous (given that we have been apart for a year next month) that I threw a FIT - sort of keep it classy and we are in no way shape or form getting back together ever. I have barely keep a hand on my temper but decided that in the end he is as a very good friend pointed a "cretin" Love that word. Love it.
Sums him up perfectly.


As does !!!!ing giant moronic !!!!!!!!. Amongst others. Hey I kept it classy (ish) with him but really I have a string of insults!


It all made me ill last night, was sick and everything. all such a shock. As result I haven't eaten much today.


Did make me question a few things. Like what am I doing, what have I done for the last year? _ he asked questions which I did avoid answering. But you can't avoid them in your head.


And that now more than ever things need to change or rather in fairness continue to change. just perhaps a bit quicker.

Too tired now, have tuition in a bit. I still cannot understand how much I miss him when I ve not seen him in over a year.


Have to check my bank.


XX

in_need_of_direction

Hon you gotta realise that you needed a period of adjustment post break up. The last year was about that. Now you've a plan sketched out, you'll do so well. No need for muppet questioning from the f*ckwit.

Buffythedebtslayer

in_need_of_direction wrote: »

Hon you gotta realise that you needed a period of adjustment post break up. The last year was about that. Now you've a plan sketched out, you'll do so well. No need for muppet questioning from the f*ckwit.

Yes. this is true.


I will probably never see him again but part of me on some level wants to !!!!ing show him. I know he doesn't matter - rationally he is gone. done.


But that thing about revenge (and I don't mean/need revenge at all - he is just a silly sad man who I had the misfortune to love) is life well lived is very much on my mind.


Bought petrol today, am going to see how long 20 quid lasts.


XX

in_need_of_direction

I know what you mean. Had to see my ex in laws a few weeks ago, took a lot more care with my appearance than usual and gifted home made goodies. Hope he hears what he's missing out on!

Snagggles

So you want to show him - that's human nature.

I know we're not supposed to think like that, and it's supposed to be about doing it for ourselves. But is it SO bad to let your desire to 'show him' drive you to do positive things in the early days? I can't help thinking about my ex when I do anything positive. I'm hoping that if I just go with it, the positive changes will lead to positive mental changes, and I will go from wanting to show him to not really caring whether he knows or not.

It's a risk I suppose, but I can't feel much worse than I do now!

xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

Snagggles wrote: »

So you want to show him - that's human nature.

I know we're not supposed to think like that, and it's supposed to be about doing it for ourselves. But is it SO bad to let your desire to 'show him' drive you to do positive things in the early days? I can't help thinking about my ex when I do anything positive. I'm hoping that if I just go with it, the positive changes will lead to positive mental changes, and I will go from wanting to show him to not really caring whether he knows or not.

It's a risk I suppose, but I can't feel much worse than I do now!

xxx

that is pretty much exactly what I was thinking on the way home tonight. and I came to the same conclusion.


So long as the outcome/results are positive I think for now this is the way forward. XX

Buffythedebtslayer

in_need_of_direction wrote: »

I know what you mean. Had to see my ex in laws a few weeks ago, took a lot more care with my appearance than usual and gifted home made goodies. Hope he hears what he's missing out on!

I love this especially the home made stuff- regular Kirsty Allsop!


So today in the car on the way home I gave myself a stern talking to!

My ex - is old, doesn't want kids, has a !!!!ed up view of the world and relationships, is still married technically (dear God what a !!!!!!!) and would never have moved in with me. In fact his life hasn't changed as far as I can tell. I have made changes and its carrying on.


I am going to decorate my room, clear out the garden, finish my dissertation, do idea 1 and idea 2(secret squirrel about those) over the summer and get a new job.


And I am paying off my cc and saving - do you know I have over a thousand pounds in my various pots! Was really surprised!


Focus on the positives. Work out what I want and go for it.


XX










I am moving on.

beanielou

I seem to be stuck.

Buffythedebtslayer

beanielou wrote: »

I seem to be stuck.

I am SURE you can get unstuck Beanie. Utterly convinced.


We all can. XXx

Buffythedebtslayer

As soon as I start thinking about the !!!!!! head, I run through my list


Room
garden
dissertation
work
job
run
project one
project two
move on.


Am feeling better. have downloaded a few books for the Kindle and it is nearly time for bed.


nearly the weekend nearly nearly!


XXXXXXXX