Would you tell a child that NRP does not pay for them?

Mojisola

paulineb wrote: »

If I were this man's second wife I would not be comfortable that he has two kids he doesn't support?

If I was the new partner, then in the planning stage of working out the finances of him giving up work, CM would have to be included. If it ended up coming out of money I earned, so be it.

I wouldn't trust him as a father to my children if he wouldn't pay towards his other children.

POPPYOSCAR

clearingout wrote: »

are you serious? how many families do you know where the parents barely see each other because they operate a shift system of working so that they can bring in enough to keep the roof over their heads and support their families? families where a parent works 8 hours a day and then, horror of horrors, comes home, puts tea on the table, oversees homework, does the washing and makes sure the children go to bed at a reasonable hour? That's life and that's parenting! But it's OK not to expect a new partner to have to actually look after her own children once in a while whilst some money is earned to support the 'old' children?

There is no obligation to use the CSA and frankly, any child maintenance paid is better than no child maintenance paid. The man in question could work one evening a week in a bar and pay the whole lot to his ex in maintenance. His ex would never then have the opportunity to say that he didn't care about them and his children would see him going the extra mile to ensure that they were supported appropriately.

What on earth is the world coming to that we now no longer expect one parent to work a full week and care for the children?! What on earth do you think single parents do?

I agree.

Many families do just this.

FatVonD

Person_one wrote: »

If you read back I think it actually says she's a 'high' earner.

My mistake but the rest still stands!

paulineb_2

Person_one wrote: »

If you read back I think it actually says she's a 'high' earner.

That's irrelevant though. If you choose to marry/become a family unit with somebody who already has children, you have to accept that those children are part of your family now too. His responsibilities towards them become joint responsibilities.

I agree with this.

clearingout

Mojisola wrote: »

This ^

If I was the new partner, then in the planning stage of working out the finances of him giving up work, CM would have to be included. If it ended up coming out of money I earned, so be it.

I wouldn't trust him as a father to my children if he wouldn't pay towards his other children.

Unfortunately, it would seem that there are an awful lot of women out there who are happy to see 'first' children go without. My ex sure seems able to find a plentiful supply! We see it occassionally as well on the CSA board here - woman left with children, ex disappeared, turns out he didn't pay for his children from the first marriage for years and somehow she thought it would be different if it ever happened to her. Karma is a wonderful thing but sadly, doesn't seem to kick in often enough (or quick enough!).

FatVonD

paulineb wrote: »

I agree with this.

Yup, I knew I was on my own with this one!

paulineb_2

The way I read it was that the exes new partner's kids are with the dad and that she doesn't have other kids to support.

This man is missing out on so much, irrespective of the money. He's there for his new kids but not the others, really sad.

WantToBeSE

I havent read the other posts, but i have told my children that their Dad doesn't pay maintenance for them.
It wasn't done maliciously, but their Dad chooses not to work and part of explaining that was talking to them about how other peoples choices have a wider effect.

FatVonD

I think we all judge it according to our own set of circumstances, I can certainly understand your point of view but I look at it with my own situation in mind (which is probably why I've subconsciously given her extra children and a non-contributing ex!) and I can see why she might not think it was her responsibility to pay maintenance.

Heaven knows I struggle and am in debt and there's no way I'd be paying maintenance to DH's ex, particularly given she's gone on to have another child and has far more money than we do (sorry to bring them up) courtesy of child tax credits etc for 3 children plus rent from a fourth.

(Sorry, that was to PaulineP!)

clearingout

FatVonD wrote: »

Yup, I knew I was on my own with this one!

I don't personally think that it's a new partner's responsibility to financially support children from a previous relationship.

Except to say, if I move in with someone tomorrow, his income would be taken into account and I would lose any tax credits I currently get to help support my children. I may even lose my child benefit if he was a higher earner. The expectation we have as a society is that the step dad (as it's usually step dad, I accept it's not always the case) has to take on both mother and children and deal with it. If I got ill, lost my job, for some reason could never work again, it would still be my new partner's responsibility to make sure that we were taken care of. Certainly, there would be an uproar if step dad said 'I'm only taking on mum as my partner, the children are not my responsibility'.

Yet the opposite applies in the case of the NRP and any decision they may make to give up work or even if they are affected by unemployment or illness or disability. Suddenly, the new partner in this case has no responsibility whatsoever for the children from the previous relationship. It has to be a two-way process, surely, if we are to fair to all children involved in separated families?