Would you tell a child that NRP does not pay for them?

POPPYOSCAR

paulineb wrote: »

I've already said, my mistake.

Yes, our posts crossed, both at 1.13.

Sezzagirl

Very interesting reading this thread.


I think that as the 12 year old asked for a clothing allowance out of the maintenance, the Mum could just say that there isn't any maintenance paid but maybe she could sit down with the daughter and work out a budget that allows her to have a small clothing allowance as 12 year old girls are starting to want to make their own choices about what they where


If she queries why there is no maintenance the Mum could just say it is because the Dad doesn't work and the daughter should really ask Dad about it if she wants more information

POPPYOSCAR

paulineb wrote: »

I think you've got that spot on. He had choices, his first set of kids are suffering financially due to choices he and the new partner have made.

You step up to the plate and support the ones you have before deciding to have another family.

The Op stated that the children are not affected financially because the mother earns a good salary.

I think this is more of a moral issue than a financial one.

paulineb_2

But if things changed for her? Which I hope they don't.

There might come a time when his payments are a necessity and not an extra.

From the mum's point of view it might be tough having to be the sole breadwinner and watching a father pay absolutely nothing.

I do think the daughter is best knowing, the thing is, she might not be very impressed with her dad but he's made his choices and hopefully he will have the decency to give his child a proper explanation.

I do know personally from growing up in a home with two kids whose dad paid the minimum and my brothers dad paid nothing that even though my mum worked full time another couple of hundred quid a month into the household would have made a massive difference.

I also know that people sometimes make choices that on reflection, could be considered a bit selfish. Real life if you like.

poet123

Person_one wrote: »

If ex and his new wife were good people they would view his oldest children as a joint responsibility, and they would contribute from the household no matter who was earning the actual money.

I think 12/13 is old enough to deserve a bit of honesty and openness about family finances.

I agree, if the child had not asked then I would not volunteer the info, but as she has mentioned it and clearly believes he is paying, then I would be honest and factual.

gunsandbanjos

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I do not think it is a good excuse for not paying maintenance that he has given up his job to look after his other children.

paulineb wrote: »

I think you've got that spot on. He had choices, his first set of kids are suffering financially due to choices he and the new partner have made.

You step up to the plate and support the ones you have before deciding to have another family.

2 very good posts, yes it may make financial sense in the dad's new family for him to be a SAHD but by making this decision he has negatively affected his "original" family.

Mojisola

gunsandbanjos wrote: »

2 very good posts, yes it may make financial sense in the dad's new family for him to be a SAHD but by making this decision he has negatively affected his "original" family.

Imagine if fabforty had another child and told the older two "I'm not going to support you financially any more because I've got a new baby" but that's exactly what their father has done.

Seanymph

Nice to have the choice isn't it? Their mum, who has residency can't suddenly decide to stop working and focus on something 'new'. She is holding the fort and paying the bills and raising jointly conceived kids.

Like I say - nice to be able to choose. But as for expecting his ex wife to cover his !!!! and not let the kids know that he isn't paying anything? No of course not!

She doesn't have to say 'no he's a deadbeat who prioritises other things - but she can say 'daddy doesn't give me maintenance honey, he doesn't work'.

And leave it at that.

Covering for a dead beat dead is NOT the ex wifes job. Not to blame him, or dump baggage on the kids - but certainly she doesn't have to excuse his behaviour or lie for him.

Dasa

Mojisola wrote: »

Imagine if fabforty had another child and told the older two "I'm not going to support you financially any more because I've got a new baby" but that's exactly what their father has done.

Yea, I agree with the poster that said this is a moral issue as the kids seem to be well provided for by their mum anyway.

izoomzoom

I haven't read all the replies, but remember as a child, my mother telling me that my father paid the same amount of maintenance. It was the same amount of money from the time I was a baby till I became a teenager. This was another country and it was 500 a year, for 16-17 years. Inflation completely eroded the original figure because I recall that when I started school school-fees were 30 for the year, but when I finished school they were 500 a year.

Whether she told me to make me understand inflation, or just get a sense of the money of the household, or having a dig at my father .... I don't know

My 12 year old has no sense of the cost of running a household, although my 14 year old is starting.