Would you tell a child that NRP does not pay for them?

FBaby

Errata wrote: »

I think the thread's been useful and may have given some people pause for thought and figured out if they were in the "No, because I said so" camp or the "No, because dad didn't get any overtime this month" camp.

Or the camp 'no because dad isn't contributing due to his own reasons which I don't know and I can't afford it myself'. Or 'no because it is a waste of money and you don't need it'

DUTR

FBaby wrote: »

Interesting so you don't want to pay maintenance to you ex because she doesn't work but seem to support the nrp's decision here not to work and support his children in this thread. Isn't this a contradiction?

Where did I say I don't want to pay? You know I frequent the CSA board too, come fbaby your a regular on the forums just like me, we may not support the same teams, but IMO you should have matured past the swipe attack posts now? Difference of opinions doesn't mean I dislike you.
Back to your post Never said she doesn't work, but that's the life she chooses or thinks that is all that she can manage, or more as you don't probably know is she is of the mindset, that she will be what sort of bloke she can end up with.

Errata

FBaby wrote: »

Or the camp 'no because dad isn't contributing due to his own reasons which I don't know and I can't afford it myself'. Or 'no because it is a waste of money and you don't need it'

Exactly, because children are very logical creatures and seek to understand the reason why x follows y.

FBaby

Ok, I assume you would support my decision to cut down on my hours because I don't have enough social time and want to move on from totally dedicating everything to my children

Actually I do

and that as a result, it is perfectly acceptable that my ex should start to pay a hefty maintenance because of my right to move on with my life.

Actually I do, depends what you call hefty though, 15, 20 25% net then yes why not.

Oh and I expect him to tell my children that it is ok that he has to work extra hours and can't see them as often as a result because I have every right to move on? Come on....

Oh really, so why do you have such an issue with your ex not working and expecting you to pay maintenance for whatever it is she wants to spend it on?

And what happens when my ex tells me to get lost and laughs at my face? Do I tell the children they don't get to eat tonight but it's neither my fault of their dad's fault because we both are entitled to move on and do what we please rather than ensuring they are well cared for?

I don't even know why I bother to respond because this has taken a tangeant that is just plain silly.

FBaby

DUTR wrote: »

Where did I say I don't want to pay? You know I frequent the CSA board too, come fbaby your a regular on the forums just like me, we may not support the same teams, but IMO you should have matured past the swipe attack posts now? Difference of opinions doesn't mean I dislike you.
Back to your post Never said she doesn't work, but that's the life she chooses or thinks that is all that she can manage, or more as you don't probably know is she is of the mindset, that she will be what sort of bloke she can end up with.

Ok, I don't always remember posts but I do recall your posts on csa being reasonable, that's why I don't understand your position here and am gobsmacked that you would defend the position of the nrp mentioned on this thread.

seven-day-weekend

Person_one wrote: »

Would you offer any explanation as to why mum is suddenly working all hours and missing birthdays?

I'd just say we needed the money. If she asked further, I would explain further.

Lunar_Eclipse

In this case I would since the child assumes it is being paid and their assumption is incorrect.

Next time the child mentioned it, I would simply say 'there is no maintenance.' Or, if a lighthearted approach is preferred, a reply could be along the lines of 'that's a great idea and one I'll consider if I receive any maintenance at some point in the future.'

How does the child even know about maintenance though? I'm wondering if the mum has mentioned hoping for some, or the dad has implied/stated that he's paying it? It's an odd thing for a 12 year old (?) child to know about.

DUTR

FBaby wrote: »

Oh really, so why do you have such an issue with your ex not working and expecting you to pay maintenance for whatever it is she wants to spend it on?

A said I value your debate, I'm not sure where I have posted that I have issue with paying CSA, on top of other incidental costs I was going through 50 litres of petrol a week, so at that rate around £65 a week plus, which is slightly above the UK average wage rate contribution.


And what happens when my ex tells me to get lost and laughs at my face? Do I tell the children they don't get to eat tonight but it's neither my fault of their dad's fault because we both are entitled to move on and do what we please rather than ensuring they are well cared for?

Ah, I never said about the essentials and frankly neither did you until just, we are on about the extras not essentials
I don't even know why I bother to respond because this has taken a tangeant that is just plain silly.

It's no point typing you don't know why you answer, remember you get your thanks count upwards everytime one of you attack me
As said happy to debate, I don't intend to change any of your view points and probably won't change mine.

FBaby

As said happy to debate, I don't intend to change any of your view points and probably won't change mine.

No but I would like to understand them, thanks or not! The feeling I get, rightly or not is that you are concerned about the fact that you ex is/would be spending the maintenance you provided innapropriately and it is the lack of control that is the issue. That's fair enough, but it is not the case with the OP. She has to work additional and unsociable hours because of his lacking to pay maintenance. It's not a case of wanting more maintenance above the minimum, but maintenance all together.

Maybe you are seeing this 'clothes allowance' as a luxury and that is the issue. What I can say is that my DD shot up by over 5 inches at the age of 12 and won't even mention her bra size. I spent a lot of money on clothing that year as a result. That same year, her brother's shoe size went from a size 4 1/2 to 6, so again, spent much on that. Nothing was luxuries. My DD doesn't have a clothes allowance, although she does have pocket money. Her clothes consist of what she gets at Christmas, what she buys herself with her pocket money and what I do buy because she needs something in the middle of the year.

But as it's been said, the thread wasn't about children being spoilt, getting allowances etc... the question was about whether a 12 year old was mature enough to process the knowledge that her father doesn't contribute towards their needs when they believe that they do and in the potential impact that knowledge would have on their feelings.

fabforty

DUTR wrote: »

Erm yes, that is life sometimes being a victim of the wicked capitalist sytem a machine oiled by the blood of the workers
'You' can do all for the children, however at a point in the future, they will have grown up and moved on with their own lives, so you do have to balance that sacrifice, and accept that not everybody partners/ex partners readers are not going to share the shame enthusiasm to the sacrifices, or think the rewards were worth the effort , then time wil tell if offering that clothes allowance etc was really worth it, :eek:

DUTR wrote: »

Where did I say I don't want to pay? You know I frequent the CSA board too, come fbaby your a regular on the forums just like me, we may not support the same teams, but IMO you should have matured past the swipe attack posts now? Difference of opinions doesn't mean I dislike you.
Back to your post Never said she doesn't work, but that's the life she chooses or thinks that is all that she can manage, or more as you don't probably know is she is of the mindset, that she will be what sort of bloke she can end up with.

DUTR wrote: »

I fear I'm quite balanced on the role model gender thing, having had chats with the Mum in 2013, it does seem some ideas children have are not directly from those they grow up with, as the Mum has said she has had it thrown in her face from the youngest that she hopes she does not end up like the Mum, with lots of negative slander (some of which we see on various boards here) , that said I have my a4 foolscap to present to them on or after the 19th or 20th b/day if they want to challenge that I didn't meet my minimum obligations :eek:

With all due respect, this thread isn't about you or your situation and funnily enough, it isn't even about people who are in your situation.
You pay for children but don't see them, while the father in this case doesn't pay but does see his children. The mother in this thread works and receives no benefits, whereas you suggest that you ex does. The parents in this thread have a civil relationship, whereas (forgive me if I have this wrong), but you and you ex apparently do not. The only thing that you do have in common is that you are separated and you have children.


I have read some of your posts on the CSA thread, and it's not a matter of agreeing or disagreeing with you. However I do sometimes wonder if you actually read the posts you are responding to or if you spot the dreaded 'NRP' phrase and hit the keyboard churning out stock phrases, and relating your experiences even if they have no bearing on the matter at hand. A bit like the poster who keeps bringing benefit claimants into this thread, despite the fact that nobody in this thread is claiming benefits. Perhaps it's therapeutic. Just a thought. [smiling Smilie].