Would you tell a child that NRP does not pay for them?

FloFlo

Person_one wrote: »

If ex and his new wife were good people they would view his oldest children as a joint responsibility, and they would contribute from the household no matter who was earning the actual money.

I think 12/13 is old enough to deserve a bit of honesty and openness about family finances.

I completely agree, he already had a financial committment to the children from his first relationship to consider before giving up work to be a SAHD, one almost wonders if this was to avoid paying maintenance.

fabforty

FBaby wrote: »

For the OP, your friends says that the nrp sees his children once a week on the Wednesday. How does this work? I assume he is the one who comes down to see them? Does he brings his other children? Must do if the mother is working full-time. So what do they do? I assume they don't stay at your friends' house? So he goes to the park/McDonald/play centre each Wednesday afternoon for a couple of hours as again, I assume it is after school? So that man is happy to pay for petrol to do 200 miles, taking small children with him, taking them all for a couple of hours to a playcentre that will again cost money, but won't pay for their every day needs.... That makes no sense at all to me, even if somehow, he gets someone else to look after his youngest ones when he comes and visit his oldest.

So the question is? Why doesn't he have them once a fortnight so they could actually spend time at his house? Is this your friend or the ex doing? Because if it is your friend refusing it, and the only way he can see his children is if travels that far for a couple of hours, I can understand at least why the step-mum would be rushing to contribute any maintenance for children she doesn't even get the chance to see.

All this is supposition, but I just don't understand this every Wednesday afternoon visit business.

As my friend explained - it is Wednesday afternoon, because that is what works for him. Their son (they only have one child at present) spends Wednesday's with his maternal grandparents and this is when he drives down, picks the girls up from school and takes them out for a meal - McD's, Pizza or sometimes they eat at home. He then takes them home, spends time with them there and then leaves when they go to bed. It used to be a Friday, but this changed because the arrangement with MIL changed. He doesn't visit at weekends for the same reason that he won't work at weekends - because that is his family time.
As my friend stated, he is not a bad man but he is a selfish one. She doesn't think that this is about avoiding paying child support, but about having the life that he wants now. His work/profession is such that he could easily work a few hours a week even just a couple of nights a week. He just doesn't want to anymore.

itsanne

silvercar wrote: »

If he is not earning, all he has got is his time. Would you rather he didn't visit his children mid week?

Perhaps he could visit at a time which would be useful as child care. As you say, he has plenty of time!

ilikepinacolada

He doesn't visit at weekends for the same reason that he won't work at weekends - because that is his family time.


Family time in that case means with his new kids and without his old ones, selfish layabout no doubt by school age for new child they will have another giving him more years to get out of paying for the first lot, I really wonder what women find attractive in his sort, then again they don't realise until they have been replaced!

FBaby

Do they ever go up to his new house? Have the kids ever met their half brother? Does the woman even knows he has kids? Or is it a case that she doesn't want to ackowledge that he has children and wants nothing to do with them all together?

The whole thing sounds very odd. Why is she even letting him in her house? Unless of course, SHE, the mother doesn't want them going there.

seven-day-weekend

fabforty wrote: »

I was asked for advice a few days ago, and now the 'advice' that I gave is playing on my mind. Perhaps I was being a bit wishy-washy so I just wondered what others thought or do.


My friend split from her partner about 5 years ago, but he has paid no child support for the past 3 years. They have 2 children (12 and 7). He paid initially but when his new partner gave birth to their first child, she was a high earner and so he gave up work and became a SAHD. No income, no child support. She is expecting again and he plans to remain at home. He does see his childen regularly and buys christmas/birthday presents, but not much else.


My friend earns a reasonable salary, so the children are not affected as she is able to pay the mortgage, bills etc, from her salary alone, but the fact that he pays nothing really grates. The oldest child has mentioned maintenance a few times in a way which clearly suggests that she believes it is being paid. E.g. she asked if she can get a clothes allowance out of her maintenance money. My friend has said nothing, but asked if I thought that she should tell her children (even just the older one) the truth.


My advice at the time was 'no'. That the financial situation should remain between the two of them until the children are much older - galling as it is. I did ask what she wanted to achieve by telling them, but she said it is more a case of feeling like she is lying to her kids. Having given my opinion, I am now questioning the wisdom of it, so just wondered what other people do or have done in the same situation. It might help her to read other PWC experiences.

I did not even have to think about this, my answer is 'no', without a doubt, and tbh if they have a good relationship with their dad otherwise I don't see why they should ever need to know. It's their parents' business, not theirs.

Mojisola

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I did not even have to think about this, my answer is 'no', without a doubt, and tbh if they have a good relationship with their dad otherwise I don't see why they should ever need to know. It's their parents' business, not theirs.

But the daughter has made it her business by asking for some of the CM to be given to her as a clothing allowance.

seven-day-weekend

Mojisola wrote: »

But the daughter has made it her business by asking for some of the CM to be given to her as a clothing allowance.

I would just tell her there is no clothing allowance, the money goes on paying household bills (which is true) and point out the need to keep a roof over her head.

djc1_2

fabforty wrote: »

I was asked for advice a few days ago, and now the 'advice' that I gave is playing on my mind. Perhaps I was being a bit wishy-washy so I just wondered what others thought or do.


My friend split from her partner about 5 years ago, but he has paid no child support for the past 3 years. They have 2 children (12 and 7). He paid initially but when his new partner gave birth to their first child, she was a high earner and so he gave up work and became a SAHD. No income, no child support. She is expecting again and he plans to remain at home. He does see his childen regularly and buys christmas/birthday presents, but not much else.


My friend earns a reasonable salary, so the children are not affected as she is able to pay the mortgage, bills etc, from her salary alone, but the fact that he pays nothing really grates. The oldest child has mentioned maintenance a few times in a way which clearly suggests that she believes it is being paid. E.g. she asked if she can get a clothes allowance out of her maintenance money. My friend has said nothing, but asked if I thought that she should tell her children (even just the older one) the truth.


My advice at the time was 'no'. That the financial situation should remain between the two of them until the children are much older - galling as it is. I did ask what she wanted to achieve by telling them, but she said it is more a case of feeling like she is lying to her kids. Having given my opinion, I am now questioning the wisdom of it, so just wondered what other people do or have done in the same situation. It might help her to read other PWC experiences.

I agree with missty25 and would add that if the daughter is sensible enough to ask for a "clothing allowance", then she may well be sensible enough to accept the truth. It would be wrong if she thought Mum was holding back money she believes Dad is paying!

fabforty

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I would just tell her there is no clothing allowance, the money goes on paying household bills (which is true)

He doesn't give her any money, so to say that 'the money goes on bills' is not true - there is no money.