Would you tell a child that NRP does not pay for them?

lostinrates

duchy wrote: »

Read my post again -I didn't mention money -Parental responsibility is about a lot more than cash. Not supporting children financially is a symptom of poor parenting not a cause.

Actually I think a big part of this is the single mindedness of childless women - they have never had to put someone first consistently the way a normal parent does with their child so the concept of thinking about the existing children doesn't even occur to them as it is only about their needs and wants for a child and a relationship.

Ah.

But its a parent who is failing to put children first in this case isn't it?


This line of parents always being self sacrificing is rather damaging often, both to other parents, society and often children IMO.

Mojisola

lostinrates wrote: »

But its a parent who is failing to put children first in this case isn't it?

It certainly is.

How can a father spend 24/7 with his new babies and not feel any responsibility towards his older two?

I don't think that in normal circumstances a second partner's income should be taken into account when assessing how much money should go to the resident parent but, in this case, the father has chosen to put himself in this position.

If he thinks that this decision won't have an effect on his relationship with the older children, I think he's mistaken. How could they not feel that he's putting their half-siblings before them?

shop-to-drop

If the dad and new family have that kind of household income and the lifestyle that goes with it, it is hardly surprising that the daughter would expect maintenance is paid and that she should be feeling the benefits of it. I definitely think it right that she knows the true facts and is then left to draw her own conclusions and views of her dad. She may very well decide to ask him about his decision to stop paying. Good on her if she does, at twelve she is a child starting to think about the world in a larger more adult way and will be observing and learning life-skills to arm her for her adult life.

georgiesmum

Sounds like a crafty move from the dad. Stay at home dad and won't have to pay maintanance! The second family wins again.
I am surethe OP could claim, as his wife earniings will be taken into account.
To the question though, I an against involving the children in money matters,when they are older perhaps and tell them witout bitterness as just on of the unegualities of life.
When they gets to about 15 they will be demanding all sorts of things as kids do and most likely demanding it from dad's" maintanance paymets."
Time enough then.

silvercar

clearingout wrote: »

Children's outcomes at 16 are directly related to income. The less money coming into the household, the less likely they are to leave school with 5 GCSEs at C or above. I accept that there will always, always be exceptions to the rule but surely based on that information alone, the most important contribution an NRP can make is a financial one alongside being available for their children emotionally? I get sooooooo frustrated with the 'there's more to life than money' brigade. Yes, there is. I don't disagree. But it's soooo easy to say it when you're not the one cobbling together hundreds a month in childcare so you can work to support your children when your ex turns up once a week with an expensive toy and empty pockets.

Plenty thick but rich kids. And poor kids who have made it "in spite" of their lack of money. Academic achievement may depend on whether you have inherited an academic ability, so lower qualified and therefore lower paid parents produce lower achieving children.

itsanne

There's quite a lot of self-justification going on in this thread!

silvercar

itsanne wrote: »

There's quite a lot of self-justification going on in this thread!

You say that without knowing people's backgrounds, unless they have posted that information.

I have an admiration for anyone that starts a relationship with someone who already has children. Luckily I have never been in that situation.

If you have 2 mums with 2 kids each and a dad who is father to all 4, there is always going to be some conflict. Bottom line is you have one household with 4 people living in it and 6 at some times and another with 3 people in it and only 1 at some times. Not equal and the finances will never be equal.

Person_one

silvercar wrote: »

Plenty thick but rich kids.

The government seems to consist mainly of these, rather supporting clearingout's point!

FBaby

For the OP, your friends says that the nrp sees his children once a week on the Wednesday. How does this work? I assume he is the one who comes down to see them? Does he brings his other children? Must do if the mother is working full-time. So what do they do? I assume they don't stay at your friends' house? So he goes to the park/McDonald/play centre each Wednesday afternoon for a couple of hours as again, I assume it is after school? So that man is happy to pay for petrol to do 200 miles, taking small children with him, taking them all for a couple of hours to a playcentre that will again cost money, but won't pay for their every day needs.... That makes no sense at all to me, even if somehow, he gets someone else to look after his youngest ones when he comes and visit his oldest.

So the question is? Why doesn't he have them once a fortnight so they could actually spend time at his house? Is this your friend or the ex doing? Because if it is your friend refusing it, and the only way he can see his children is if travels that far for a couple of hours, I can understand at least why the step-mum would be rushing to contribute any maintenance for children she doesn't even get the chance to see.

All this is supposition, but I just don't understand this every Wednesday afternoon visit business.

silvercar

I would assume the little kids don't do a 200 mile round trip every Wednesday. So there must be some childcare or their mother's family looking after them.

So dad travels every week to see his children. Given that he is not earning ans so isn't in a position to make any financial contribution maybe that is his way of doing what he can. Maybe the new partner is prepared to fund the cost of this as she sees it as important that he gives some time to his older children.