Stepping into 2014- walking in My Shoes with Mooloo

Savvy_sewing

Furniture was collected, so we have been for a walk too the park, and now I'm cooking tea, lamb steaks from my Dads freezer, new potatoes and carrots, yum. Haven't had lamb in a very long time.
The clouds are filling up and very black it looks like rain again very soon.

Savvy_sewing

candlelight_2013 wrote: »

Mooloo, I can't believe the change in you from 3 or 4 weeks ago, I think 2014 is going to be your year.

All the very best to you, and when you have occasions when you feel down or the problems with the young people become overwhelming , just read this thread from the beginning again and I think you will get your oomph back.

Take care

Candlelight x

Well I am having a read of the thread from the beginning, again. Actually hadn't reread any of it before, but felt I was slipping into my old habits and thought I better have a read.

Well although at the end of January I did give him another chance, I have started to still achieve.
We did get to France on a Sun Holiday and go and see my brother and sisters houses.
We have visited a few National Trust places.
I have made changes, with a workroom, and I have started taming the garden.
I get new to me furniture today.
My sewing work is building, and I am much stronger both physically and mentally. ( mostly).
Although DGD and I didn't get to go back to Portugal when I wanted to, but we are going to Tunisia instead, and we have another Sun break the last weekend of the summer holidays in Norfolk.
Although the savings have taken a bit of a bashing, but I still have my Baby Emergency Fund, £500 ( plus approx 17p interest each month- can't forget that), I still have £1022, saved in an ISA, and around £500 ( not sure exactly) in my Squirrel Account.
I am working towards a Holiday cash Nuteral target to clear the massive cost of Tunisia, with a thread on MFin3's, and have already managed to re channel £300+ in a week.
So I am hoping that before the CC bill actually arrives it will have been paid back as every little saving is being paid straight to the cc instead of to the savings pot! I am on a mission, so to speak.

Errata

Well although at the end of January I did give him another chance,

You've been giving him another chance for years, he's had more chances than a cat has nine lives.
Concentrate on the Mooloo stuff you can make a success of because you're in control and not at the mercy of someone else's whims and fancies.

Almost-free

minimoneysaver wrote: »

Just reading a few of your posts Mooloo, do you think that your ex is on the spectrum? So many things that you've said ring a bell in my head, for example, not wanting to talk on the phone, not bringing his work life into his home life (keeping his lives separate), unwilling to make life changes etc. What does everyone else think?

I was going to post this.

I have had a hellish time finally breaking away rom my ex. ( made more difficult as we do have a child together.)
He sounds very like your ex Mooloo and since our child was diagnosed on the spectrum I have looked at my ex's behaviour- and a light bulb went on! Now I understand his lack of empathy !

Maybe your ex hasn't done any of what mine has, but his treatment of you has been just as bad in different ways. I have been following you for years and your propensity to return to him every time frustrates me because:

You are an incredible, talented , intelligent, attractive and wonderfully good hearted woman who will quickly meet someone just as wonderful if you will only cut the ties totally and finally with your ex.

Make yourself available for something or someone wonderful to enter your life! I believe in the law I read somewhere, that we have to get rid of seething to allow something else in. Badly worded but I can't remember the actual quote.

Look forward to your wonderful holiday.

Try this: do not respond to him AT ALL before your holiday.
Then don't respond to him AT ALL during your holiday.

When you return- ignore his questions about your holiday .

Before you know it, 3 months will have passed and you will have begin to break the bad habit of falling back in with him.

If you are tempted to reply to him- post here instead !
If you need a phone buddy to talk to like AA then any number of people on this thread, including me, would happily give you their phone number to help you stay strong !

Good luck,you can do it!

candlelight_2013

Mooloo I have come back from a weeks holiday and you are still dithering as to whether to answer his texts.

Almost-Free, what a wonderful post. I am sorry you had to endure that dreadful treatment from your ex, but your advice to Mooloo is spot on, I just hope she takes it, but somehow I have an awful feeling we will be back at square one before we know it.

Candlelightx

Savvy_sewing

Thanks Almost-free, im reading and digesting, so too speak.

duchy

Mooloo - ask yourself. Did he make me feel cherished and valued ?

I'm older than you and nearly two years ago started seeing a man who makes me feel exactly that way. Like you I have family responsibilities that aren't going to go anywhere for quite a while.

This weekend I went to concert with the girls (not the kind of thing he'd be interested) and got home really late. I got breakfast in bed this morning and when I dropped off again he left me to sleep the day away (I never sleep in the day but I was exhausted after a long drive back) but woke me in time to meet my son to go to the pictures as arranged. When I said I felt bad that I'd barely seen him he said he was glad I'd got to do things I wanted to do this weekend.

Even though he wasn't going -he made sure the car had petrol in it, checked the tyres , oil etc and only messaged to check I'd arrived safely.

There ARE men out there who can accept a woman has other things in her life and don't pout and sulk if they don't always come first. Don't assume there aren't. They may take a bit of finding but you ex's attitude is NOT "normal".

Almost-free

Lucky you, Duchy he sounds like a keeper!

Savvy_sewing

As requested earlier in the week, I met him to explain, discuss my reasons etc. We had a long walk around Stowe gardens, and we talked a lot.
I did feel emotional etc, but I have stuck firm to the reasons why it wasn't going to happen, he had ample time to mull things over, and so did I.
We didn't argue about things, but I was strong enough to say that love etc was not enough. I gave him the option to see if there was a compromise, but of course in my heart I know that he is too blinkered and set in his ways.
So here I am, and there he is.
I am not prepared to give up my home, my things, or my dreams.
I want to sew and teach sewing etc. In his world I'd have to have a 9-5job in a college or hospital. Now don't get me wrong, I could do it, if I had too, but it's not what I want to do.
So I am staying put.

duchy

Almost-free wrote: »

Lucky you, Duchy he sounds like a keeper!

He's far from perfect and like every 50 something has his baggage but I've kissed enough frogs to recognise that he accepts me for who I am and loves me flaws and all . I can be me with him and that is worth a lot.