Stepping into 2014- walking in My Shoes with Mooloo

Savvy_sewing

I appear to be on that dam roller coaster of emotions etc again today.
Loosing the strength to explain to BF why I want to book our holidays now and not wait. But he has taken my words, twisted them and now it's loggerheads over everything all over again! That's what happens when text message is the only way you communicate all week! So frustrated at this point.
All I want to do is book a holiday, sort the childcare around that, and my shifts at work before the places are all booked up.
Last night I was trying to get the urgency across, but BF has decided that I am pushing him too much so like a donkey he's dug his heels in and were not going anywhere. ( I'm too book my own holiday as he won't be threatened!-) maybe I will be going on my own this year then.
And breathe Moo.
I have tried again this morning after his 6am text telling me to go on my own, to explain why I want to be organised. Let's hope he calms down, or I really will be on my own. ( well DGD and me!).

Savvy_sewing

Re DS's viewing, it was a small converted flat above the stables.
Bit out of the way, but they liked it, so have started the application process.
His GF is going to need transport though as it's on a farm off the beaten track.
I've juggled the money around ready, ( well what I had saved of it, they are going to need more than originally thought, as the deposit etc is higher, as is the fact there is a charge of £200 a month for utilities and council tax! Which is high in my opinion.

choccymoose

Mooloo, BF cant keep doing this its like he is holding you to ransom. Book a holiday for you and Dgd go back to portugal you know it and feel safe there. If he decides to grow up then he can follow you out, if not then its him that misses out not you and dgd. That way you can get everything planned Nd organsied that you need to. If you do go to portugal try to go to the medival festival in silves its on until the 10th August. Its amazing but take plenty of water . If you are over the same time as me which is from the 11th I dont mind meeting with you out there at skide and splash or zoo marine with my family and my boys can entertain dgd on the waterslides etc, while you chill in the jacuzzi

Choccy

Errata

You've known your BF for years, why on earth can't you have telephone conversations? TXTing is fine for daffy teenagers, but not as a sole means of communication for mature adults.

Hard_Up_Hester

Sounds like he sucked you back into the relationship with promises of change & is now back to manipulation & playing silly beggers. Is he really worth it!
I know he claims to have trust issues from previous relationships, but I don't understand what that has to do with you. It sounds like an excuse to control you. Violence isn't the only form of domestic abuse you know!

Savvy_sewing

Think it's definitely a control and trust issue.
Except I'm getting stronger, so the problem is I am rebelling somewhat.
I'm sick of dithering.
Last week I wrote in my diary, and had recently done a mind map, and had been reviewing it, and I realised completely that I no longer wanted to have that "move in together" option.
I decided that it was an obvious carrot that was dangled in January to get me back, and his best behaviour is slipping.
I don't want to build Mooloos here, to be self sufficient, to up sticks and start again there.
I don't want to change DGDs school, from a little one here to a huge one in Oxford.
I don't want to move further away from my parents, who are fine and healthy now, but at 78 and 82, need help occasionally.
I don't want to move into his house with the threat hanging over my head that I could be out on my ear with nothing as it's "his house" remember 2007 when I last tried. ( maybe not it was before I started posting). -anyway I had come to the conclusion that what we have is all we were going to have.
I had decided already that I was looking at this situation differently.
Now I don't like being a failure, I don't like not trying to make things right, or work, and I'm not easily a quitter, although I think perhaps that I may have saved myself a lot of troubles in life if I had been the latter.
I do love BF, but there are too many cracks in the relationship, and it frustrates the hell out of me.
I want to chat about things, but we rarely really talk, I try to talk, but I rarely get much of a reply. Not talking on the telephone, Skype or FaceTime, ( because he doesn't like seeing himself on camera), is and always had annoyed me.
I spent hours yesterday trying to write in my diary, why I put up with it, why I think I love him, etc and what the options would be.
I would like to talk to him, but he will not be over today ( my choice, as he wants to watch Football and I certainly don't, so I told him not to bother.).
Of course there is the possibility that he may now read this post, and things will go completely ***s up, but I have always been true to my feelings and thoughts on here so I am not going to change now.
I would like to have companionship, a friend to holiday with etc, but I'm doing this all wrong. I'm settling for a relationship that is too flawed, and I deserve to treat myself better.
Loving him, warts and all, has been difficult, but I do, however I'm not exactly happy and the realisation this week is that I have to let go, eventually the cracks can't be papered over anymore, the promises and dreams won't happen and I have to face the facts.
Love is not enough.
I want to still build my life around my dreams, focus on getting the future for DGD and myself, and doing the mad daft impulsive things that I used to do when it was just me and my kids.
10 years now I have been in and out of this relationship, and I am no further towards any goals, except perhaps keeping DGD and improving my health.
I have always put everyone else, and their needs and wants before mine.
At Half term I saw a great cheap holiday to Portugal, but BF couldn't go, and didn't want me to go, so I didn't go. And I regretted it the day after and still do regret it.
10 years ago, I would have just packed our bags and gone.
When my lot were little, I thought nothing of just packing a bag or four, jumping in the car and getting away.
Now I ask every week what are his plans, what does he want to do, and I put my family gatherings aside to dash to be with him. Well I did. Now I can only go there if DGD is with her Mum or Grandad, because all BFs children are back home.
So no room for us.
Guess I have come to the end of this road.
I just needto switch the love off somehow and tell him!

Where are my big girls knickers, where is my strength and resolve, and which flight do I book?

Remind me after the weekend if I haven't found the resolve I'm flogging a dead horse please.
Cos I think I sound surer then I am feeling!

Lozzy88

hello Mooloo I am a regular reader but rarely post. I just wanted to say how pleased I am that things are looking up with regards your children

As for your BF if he trys to have a text conversation, just ring him back and if he doesn't answer then ignore all future texts until you get the 'ring me now I am ready to talk' be the strong woman we all know you are. You and DGD will have a fab time on holiday even if its just you and her.

Most importantly make your plans first then inform BF if he wants to join you he can and if he doesn't you haven't missed out.

I hope you have a better day today.

Errata

Your post is very clear love. I don't think you do love him, I think it's just a nasty little habit you've got into. He certainly doesn't love you, or respect you, or have your best interests at heart. He's not even very interested in you.
You can't change him, but you can change yourself. Stop txting, and if you need to have a word with him pick up the xxxxx phone and call him- if he doesn't pick up don't leave a voicemail.
He doesn't have trust issues, he has abusive control issues - not healthy for you. Do you want things to be like this in 10 - 20 years time? Call it a day and give yourself the chance to find someone who will be a friend as well as a BF, because he's no friend of yours.. He doesn't batter you, but like batterers promises to change to keep you in line.
Sorry to be blunt, no point in !!!!!footing around this situation.

*Robin*

Amazingly honest post, Mooloo. :T:T:T

First step? Book that holiday.

duchy

Mooloo if DS and his GF don't have reliable transport then no matter how lovely the flat is-it simply isn't suitable. They both need to get to work -if his bike dies - what would they do ? They won't have savings for repairs.
It's a disaster waiting to happen.

They simply can't afford to live somewhere without decent public transport at this point.

As for your boyfriend. If you love him and want to stay in the relationship on your terms -with your eyes wide open - then that is fine. If you want more then he's not the right person at the moment.
It doesn't have to be all or nothing......sometimes a comfy shoe is enough for now-and worry about the future later.
You don't live together so if he doesn't want to do something you do- that's fine- and it really doesn't matter if it's watch England play or go on holiday....what is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander (Yes you should have booked that holiday-It was his choice whether he went or not but that shouldn't impact on what you do)