Stepping into 2014- walking in My Shoes with Mooloo

Savvy_sewing

No I couldn't do those things without setting off an arguement.
We were once watching the rugby on a big screen in Vilamoura marina, he went to the loo, the man behind asked where the sound was coming from, so I pointed to this bollard that looked like where you dock a boat, and said it was the speaker, we got talking a little, and when he came back he sat in Stoney silence, watched his game, then when man and family had gone, he threw his wallet at me and told me to go and get my own dinner, as he went off on one about it! Needless to say it was the one night his and my kids had been allowed to go for a McD and we were dressed up to go to a restaurant. We never are that day, and he didn't talk to me for two days.
He did the same on our first Holiday, because I was chatting to the bar man when I went to buy a round of drinks, huge row. Didn't talk to me for the rest if the holiday, and only sat next to me on the flight home as he knew I was scared of flying. Luckily I have concord that feeling. Don't like take off and landing much, but since having DGD I don't show it.
I'm sure if I thought about it there would be lots of instances where I but my tongue, didn't mingle and the like.
No I have been here far too often, and this time is going to have to be the last time. Or where has my self respect gone?
I am going to the travel agents now.

dogcat_2

Well done Mooloo.....hope you find a lovely holiday!

I always use skyscanner online to find flights and hotels...have had some really good bargains.

thorsoak

I do hope that He is reading this thread, Mooloo - and that he will realise that we look on his actions with scorn! You really should take a screen shot of these posts - and every time you are tempted to say "let's bygones be bygones" they strengthen your reserve to say "not going back along that route"! He really is a waste of space.

Errata

It's both saddening and shocking to read some of the details of his behaviour. You don't seem to realise even now that for many years you've been the victim of domestic abuse.
I'm usually loathe to give advice, but make an exception this time. Read up on domestic abuse, and it might be helpful to talk through all this malarky with your local Womens Aid group.

Savvy_sewing

I've booked DGD and myself 10 days in Tunisia. All inclusive, with a kids club so she will meet other children to play with. 4* - not the cheapest thing I have ever done, but I really don't mind.
I have time to pay it off of my credit card, and if it's a little interest added, it won't kill me. I will pay it off as fast as I can, when I get any extra money in for my sewing etc.
So 30th July we are off, and he will not be able to follow us ( if he was do inclined) as he will be in China for the first half of it.
Would more have said he had Victorian ideas then domestic abuse. He would be horrified to read that that is walking on a dodgy line.
But I have to re think, correction, not rethink. I am not prepared to stamp on my intuition and, bite my tongue anymore.
Now to sort out Holiday care when we are not away, and then on Monday I will book my time off work.

choccymoose

Way to go mooloo, you will both have a fab time.

Remember domestic abuse does not have to by physical. It also includes emotional abuse, controlling behaviour, withholding of affection and humiliation.

Time to become yourself again and build some new friendships

Errata

Victorian ideas? Absolute rot! He's either an emotional abuser or barking mad, either way he's been intent on trashing your life and your emotions for years. Stop sticking up for him - don't fall into the trap of 'well he only does it once a week and it doesn't really hurt me all that much and he's lovely really'. Give yourself a reality check and some serious thought to what DGD has learned from observing his behaviours about how men treat women they purport to love.

Savvy_sewing

Got the message. I've found my tongue and I have found my wings. ( I hope!).

Hard_Up_Hester

Hi Mooloo
I found this on the Women Aid website, food for thought?
Although every situation is unique, there are common factors that link the experience of an abusive relationship. Acknowledging these factors is an important step in preventing and stopping the abuse. This list can help you to recognise if you, or someone you know, are in an abusive relationship.
Destructive criticism and verbal abuse: shouting; mocking; accusing; name calling; verbally threatening.
Pressure tactics: sulking; threatening to withhold money, disconnecting the telephone, taking the car away, taking the children away, or reporting you to welfare agencies unless you comply with his demands; threatening or attempting suicide; withholding or pressuring you to use drugs or other substances; lying to your friends and family about you; telling you that you have no choice in any decisions.
Disrespect: persistently putting you down in front of other people; not listening or responding when you talk; interrupting your telephone calls; taking money from your purse without asking; refusing to help with childcare or housework.
Breaking trust: lying to you; withholding information from you; being jealous; having other relationships; breaking promises and shared agreements.
Isolation: monitoring or blocking your telephone calls; telling you where you can and cannot go; preventing you from seeing friends and relatives; shutting you in the house.
Harassment: following you; checking up on you; not allowing you any privacy (for example, opening your mail), repeatedly checking to see who has telephoned you; embarrassing you in public; accompanying you everywhere you go.
Threats: making angry gestures; using physical size to intimidate; shouting you down; destroying your possessions; breaking things; punching walls; wielding a knife or a gun; threatening to kill or harm you and the children; threatening to kill or harm family pets; threats of suicide.
Sexual violence: using force, threats or intimidation to make you perform sexual acts; having sex with you when you don't want it; forcing you to look at pornographic material; forcing you to have sex with other people; any degrading treatment related to your sexuality or to whether you are lesbian, bisexual or heterosexual.
Physical violence: punching; slapping; hitting; biting; pinching; kicking; pulling hair out; pushing; shoving; burning; strangling.
Denial: saying the abuse doesn't happen; saying you caused the abusive behaviour; being publicly gentle and patient; crying and begging for forgiveness; saying it will never happen again.

candlelight_2013

Well done Mooloo, now don't waiver just remember I DESERVE BETTER I am off on my holibobs tomorrow for a week, so keep it up.

Candlelightx