Stepping into 2014- walking in My Shoes with Mooloo

Savvy_sewing

Well the return home from BFs was back into stress alley.
Twin 2 upset as her so called friends who lived at her house have been cruel about allowing her to see their baby. She is very upset. Social have baby on at risk register (or equivelant), and although I understand the reasons behind it there are ways and means of telling her. But the main issue is sequin with twin1, and twin 1, deciding that she can't have access to DGD! Well that's not her decision for a start, it's mine.
Anyway childish arguements and nasty words. Then Twin1 decided that if I intervene then She won't have DGD this weekend. So told her she can't use child as a toy etc.
She was way out of order.
Sometimes I wish that for once they could see what they are doing too each other, and to DGD and Me.
These kind of days really make me want to pack my bags and take DGD away with me.
Then this morning I came to babysit DGD2, wasn't in the door 2 mins and DS started shouting at me. Then Biggests BF went on about the Playdough and I just felt like crying and turning around and saying Up the lot of them.
I don't get paid to travel the 20miles each way to help out. Or for the loss of earnings time while I do this for them.
If it wasn't for Biggest herself I just wouldn't bother anymore.
I plan to take DGD2 back to my house in a few minutes. It costs me twice as much in fuel, but I am not comfortable here with DS and her BF in the house, when I have been asked to sit.

duchy

Why are you babysitting if Biggest's BF is there anyway ?

I'd leave - without DGD2 and let him reflect as he babysits on showing manners to babysitters. If he's working later- tough- He shouldn't have peed you off. He is both or either of them btw- who the heck do they think they are ????

Backbone time Mooloo my dear !!

Savvy_sewing

I've brought DGD2 home with me. Biggests BF works from home a lot. So she needs supervision incase he gets conference calls.
DS is not at work until 6pm
So I am home now. Having my breakfast as I didn't get any before I went and when I'd asked if it was possible to make some there I got the lecture on saying please. My hackles already up I didn't bother.
Maybe I should have tucked a please on the end if my question but I asked politely.
I said "is it possible for me to make some tea and toast as I didn't have time at home." Not exactly a rude request I would have thought.
So ready to tell my family all to go get stuffed. I would never have dared to correct my parents, or inlaws, even if they were technically wrong.
As you can tell my blood is boiling and I am upset. Actually I am in tears. Frustration, embarrassment, indignation, all rolled into one

elona

Mooloo

Draw a line in the sand now. No dashing off anywhere without eating- no being at people's beck and call- at least not without notice and appreciation and at least manners.

If people are costing you money then let them pay you for your time. If people are shouting at you then leave.

You get the gist. You can't let them drain you any further.

candlelight_2013

Oh Mooloo, I think it is time for a tactical withdrawal. How dare they treat you this way, but I do believe that the more you give the more they take and you are no more thought of.

Please do now back off for a while, see how far they get without your help, and to be perfectly honest can you afford all this time and fuel to be at their beck and call. If DS had shouted at me I would have been sorely tempted to box his ears, I wouldn't have, but it would have been a temptation.

Time Mooloo now to back off and look after DGD and yourself.

Lots of hugs to you I am sorry you are so upset.

Candlelightx

greenbee

I agree with duchy and elona. You need to be firm Mooloo and remind everyone concerned that you are not there to run around after them anymore, they are old enough to pick up after themselves.

If you can fit in some babysitting fine, but if you are doing childcare during the working day, when you need to work, then they bring DGD2 to yours, where you can get stuff done during the day and don't spend valuable working time on travel.

Errata

The twins will never 'get it' and I think you have to accept that and live with it as best you can whilst ensuring DGD's needs and wants take priority and you not bankrupting yourself.
Who gave you the lecture about saying please - the BF of Biggest or your DS?

duchy

I was thinking what I would have done in your shoes Mooloo.
I have a "step daughter" with young children and had her partner been so rude to me I'd have simply left leaving him to care for the child and if that interfered with his precious conference call -Well....... TSB (tough xxxx baby) shouldn't have being rude to someone who is doing you a favour.

If he has no manners then Biggest needs to start training him.

How dare he behave in such a way to someone who is doing them both a favour so they can work !

Frankly if DS wasn't working til 6pm why the hell were they dragging you over to babysit anyway ? I think they should at the very least be covering your fuel anyhow.

I think you need to be explaining to Biggest that after the treatment today you won't be babysitting on a regular basis (eg DS can do it) but will be happy to do it on an irregular basis provided they either bring the child to you or pay for your petrol.

After all every action has a consequence and her BF and DS are both old enough to realize this.

Savvy_sewing

I have talked to Biggest this evening, as I got her to come and collect DGD.
Think my day has been just too stressed. Have been let down in various ways, including clients not paying, cancelling part made orders, and generally messing me around.
Things are going to change.
All around.
Orders will now need deposits.
Cancellation fees will be introduced for services, like cancelled lessons at short notice.
Time for me to get tough.

greenbee

Good idea Mooloo.

The more personalisation required, the higher the deposit.

Cancellation fees increase the shorter the notice (and I suggest that you get payment in advance/deposit on lessons so they don't just cancel and never get back to you).