Stepping into 2014- walking in My Shoes with Mooloo

tattycath

I didn't realise you had your own thread too...:)
Love the bag Mooloo! :j

Savvy_sewing

tattycath wrote: »

I didn't realise you had your own thread too...:)
Love the bag Mooloo! :j

Thanks.
I am back home and I should be saying that I am refreshed and raring to go, but I am not! I am so tired, and want to sleep for a week.
I took my thermal bag, and cooked a very successful meal in it on Thursday when I went to visit my sister.
I made a Bolognese in it, then on Friday I added chilli and kidney beans and made a chilli to have after I had been to visit my brother.
Two great days, and I wish I could do what they are doing and live abroad. Building my own dream home, and living a frugal, but happy existence, and so happy.
I feel jaded and rather deflated to be honest.
So today I have been trying to catch up on the washing, and trying to 're evaluate what I want to do with my life.

candlelight_2013

I'm sorry Mooloo you are feeling deflated, I was hoping you would come back rejuvinated and full of ideas.

Take a deep breath and then give some thought to exactly what you think you want from your life. Obviously DGD will always be at the top of your list, then do you want a man in your life, and then where do you want to live.

I think to some extent the big "children" must be left to get on with their lives. I know you feel responsible for them, and I understand that, but I think it is time you started to consider yourself and what you really want, and what is best for you and DGD.

Why don't you discuss it with Biggest of Mooloo and see if she can throw any ideas into the pot as well.

In the meantime, make yourself a cuppa, have a piece of cake and put your feet up for half an hour, the ironing will still be there tomorrow.

Love and hugs to you

Candlelightx

Savvy_sewing

I have "wasted the day away, thinking". Day dreaming on paper, scrawling in my diary. Thinking about so many many things.
I really am in that limbo mode.
I realise that the future that I had dreamt of for many years, really is about as realistic as a chocolate Teapot would be.
But I still want something that I cannot get a grip on.!
The washing is on the last load. Its been a beautiful sunny day, and I did sit in the garden for a little while, but with the grass rather high, and the nettles poking through, and no strength to start the lawn mower, I gave up and came back in.
I have tried to turn my thoughts into positive ones. I will of course get them back eventually.
I am certainly feeling better then I was this morning. But do feel guilty that I am not achieving anything.
Not even writers cramp, and yet I have written 11 pages of A4 paper. Lined.
What have I concluded?
Not a lot.
I suppose the original dream of living in Portugal, had raised its head, but the beauty of France, where my family live, and the scenery etc all around, I can so see what they see, and would love a taste of that life. But I know, and you know, that this would be a dream that is not easily obtainable, with DGD, no Assets, and a BF who would not want to sell up and live the dream.
He was fine on this holiday by the way. It was a good one. He was good with meeting my Sister and her partner, again, He first met them at Christmas, when we went out for a meal. (Then had a row on the way home if you remember). This time he was ok, and didn't have a go at me for having a drink etc. (He was driving).
And the next day he also finally met my Brother and his partner. He mixed well, was the congenial BF that I see when I am with him, and not the one that infuriates me. (Well not until we were on the way home, and I hadn't managed to read the map, the road signs in the village, and tell him where to go, fast enough._ But it didn't last long, so I can forgive him, that he cannot trust his sat nav, or read road signs while driving in a foreign country!!).
No it was a good holiday.
I loved my brothers house. Its still very much a work in progress, and they have only recently had plumbing installed, but I see the beauty, and I see their vision.
I would love their place, and the skills to do as they do. (Or something similar.) The option to run a B & B or something to bring in some income etc. Of course keeping up my sewing as well.
Bit of a pipe dream. Cannot do any of that until I have money behind me, DGD is grown up, and either I persuade BF that its a great future, or I go on my own!. Scarey thought, but not as un thinkable as I would have liked.
I do love the man, but his future sets many limits on my imagination, and my hopes and asperations.
Can you imagine having a holiday in the beautiful countryside, of either Portugal, or France, where you can do a work shop to learn a skill? Well maybe most of us on MSE can not afford to do that, but there are still people out there who could.
But we can dream.
That's what this world is made up of. Peoples dreams.


But back to earth now.
What I do need to do, is to focus on organising my days ahead, on blitzing DS's room, and turning it into a workroom. On a Nil Budget.
To organising the sitting room back into a living room that we can be comfortable in.
To organising my bedroom back into a bedroom that I can relax in, and not one that I can look at piles of Stuff that need sorting, dealing with, filing, selling or what ever else that it needs at the moment.


I have therefore, in my mind meanderings, decided that I will work on clearing the debts, that have built up on the CC and finish off the Littlewoods catalogue, (The washing machine that I had to have late last year).
That I will get back to basics with the Menu Plan, and the food budget.
That I will use up my storecupboards, and save what I can, and channel it away to the debts, then into savings.
That I will take one room at a time, and learn to love it again.
That I will increase the saying NO to a few more of the things required of me.
That I will aim to enjoy my creating, and to learn how to promote it better, so that it helps me to increase my income.
That the future with BF is not a critical must do now.
That learning to love my home, enjoy my space, and to create is more important to me.
Of course all this is about ME.


What I do is actually all with DGD in mind as well.
If I am happy, and earning, saving etc then she will benefit.
If I can work at home, in and around her, then I will still have a better work life balance, and that I am available for her better when she does need me.
So if I have wasted today thinking at least I think I have come up with a sort of game plan.
Not a technical, or a die hard plan, but a way forward that I couldn't really see when I started this morning.


If I manage to achieve savings, build a web based business, i.e. selling the produce etc properly, and regularly, then perhaps the future ability to purchase my home could be possible.
To invest for the future for DGD and myself is the next big thing really. We have survived together, we have beaten most of the problems that we have had to face.
The twins are not in a brilliant place, but they are beginning to reduce the number of times that they are calling on me, which must be good for me, if it does mean that they are still living in chaos.
So for now, I see what I think is my direction for now.
Onwards and upwards again!
Time to do the dinner and bring the washing back in!.
Thanks for reading my sounding off!.

candlelight_2013

Well done YOU. I don't think you have "wasted" today. You have given so much thought to what you want to achieve, and what you know you won't in the near future. As you say once DGD is older then who knows what you will be able to do.

Keep the positive thoughts going Mooloo.

Candlelightx

lostinrates

Are there legal restrictions why you couldn't live elsewhere in Europe with dgd? If you maintained good contact with her mother, might it not be a good opportunity for her too if you chose where you went wisely?

Both my husband and I lived between different places when we were younger and learned to mingle in different cultures and languages.

If its REALISTIC can you consider it? If not can you move forward? I don't know which it is for you but To have the pipe dream pricking can be worse I think, than making things work?

Savvy_sewing

Alas financially I don't have the money to buy anything. I would also need an income to support us and that is not boosted by our tax credits etc.
But I will try and focus on upping my game and make more of the money that I do have at the moment and build my savings pot. But at the moment I would need a miracle to get me going.
What I will have to be content with at the moment is changing the way we live here, and make better use of my time, money, and skills. Easier said then done.
Time I got some sleep I have a to do list that's got 48 things and counting on it. Night all.

Savvy_sewing

I am bored! Babysitting for DGD2, both girls are playing well, but I am lost with nothing to do. I have read my latest sewing magazine, and washed up etc for Biggest. DS has gone out, and bar a quick chat with him, I am at a loose end.
Think that in future I will have to bring some hand sewing or something with me, or better still take the girls back to my house. It would cost me double in petrol, but then I could at least do jobs I need doing at home.
It's only just Lunchtime and I have 6 more hours to twiddle my thumbs so to speak.
The sun is shining, but still a chilly wind. Both girls are playing nicely. So I am in the want to do something mode!
Frustrated and bored!

greenbee

Work on your 'to do' list Mooloo, and make any phone calls etc that you can...

Savvy_sewing

I was able to bring the girls back to my house, once DS had come in, as I don't have any keys to Biggests.
But time is going faster, although I haven't achieved much except to try several times in vein to start the lawn mower. Found the strimmer is also broken, and started to use a scythe on the nettles, but that's exhausting and not very effective. Girls are playing with Mud, water, dolls, and imaginations. So I am time outing on the garden swing seat.