Stepping into 2014- walking in My Shoes with Mooloo

duchy

Whatever his reasons -a new start might be the best thing for Twin 1 and with a new baby the odds of getting social housing I suppose are higher if they are living with his parents.

As for DGD she will take notice of how you react. If you tell her Mummy is moving away full stop - yes she'll be very hurt. If you spin it that Mummy needs extra help so has to move away to get it then she will take your lead that it is sad but better for Mummy.

I don't think you need to actively reduce contact -just not go out of your way to facilitate it.

Early days-I'm sure you are still reeling at the moment. Nothing needs to be said or decided for a while anyway.


111

patanne wrote: »

I wonder if reality has dawned with the boyfriend & he realises that it will be hard in an area where the twin is well known to social workers to keep this new child. Maybe he thinks going back home, where his sister may or may not be involved in social work, will buy them a free pass.

Savvy_sewing

Heaven knows, cos I don't.
I'm up reluctantly early to take DS's GF to work. DS was ill last night so he didn't go to his job. If it's not one it's the other! They don't eat well at all, and I worry they are totally running on empty. DS is over 6ft tall and weighs less then me!
Twin1 hasn't been in touch with DGD for two weeks now.
Twin2 has gone back to Cornwall and immediately asking for money for food, which I have not got spare. My freezer is empty and my purse is sparce to say the least. So I cannot help her. Feel bad but that's not my problem. She will have to access a food bank or something.
biggest of Mooloo came to help me in the shop on Saturday. So did a friend, and we got loads done. I still had to go back in yesterday to finish some curtains though.
I am tired all the time now.
I have my massage booked for Wednesday at 1pm. So I will be closing on time!
Some thing to look forward too.

gizmo111

Mooloo wrote: »

I am not feeling inclined to travel to his family, as I cannot stand him.
His family - his sister is supposed to be a social worker and she's the one who has supposedly told them they can get DGD back.
They are stirring up a mine field, and it will divide my family. So deliberately I will be as distant as I can from this child- as I know that either his family will bring it up, or it will be taken away.
So I don't want to get close to yet another child that is taken away from me.
That goes against my nature, but it's the only coping mechanism I have left to me.
I work 7 days a week. 6 days in the shop and at home, or like today while DGD was at a party I was in the workshop catching up with jobs.
I cannot take time out without shutting shop so bar my annual holiday, etc I won't be able to galavant around the country to visit.
I will see very little of any future grandchildren, and I hardly see Dgd2 now I don't babysit her twice a week.
Sorry but I feel very negative about the situation at the moment.

If his sister is a social worker then she is giving very odd advice You can check her here http://www.hcpc-uk.org.uk/check/

Wherever they live there will be assessments undertaken on the new baby, maybe they think that moving will eliminate this?
Your responsibility is to DGD and making sure she is looked after OK. Was a contact order made at the same time as the SGO?

duchy

This is important.

If (and it is a big if as words are cheap) the intention is to eventually get DGD back with Mum then it is vital that you are seen to have not tried to block contact between Mum and child. Failed arrangements on their part would also be a part of the consideration too so listen to your head and not your heart when it comes to this Mooloo no matter how tempting it is to tell them to get stuffed !

gizmo111 wrote: »

If his sister is a social worker then she is giving very odd advice You can check her here http://www.hcpc-uk.org.uk/check/

Wherever they live there will be assessments undertaken on the new baby, maybe they think that moving will eliminate this?
Your responsibility is to DGD and making sure she is looked after OK. Was a contact order made at the same time as the SGO?

gizmo111

duchy wrote: »

This is important.

If (and it is a big if as words are cheap) the intention is to eventually get DGD back with Mum then it is vital that you are seen to have not tried to block contact between Mum and child. Failed arrangements on their part would also be a part of the consideration too so listen to your head and not your heart when it comes to this Mooloo no matter how tempting it is to tell them to get stuffed !

No its not important - I have explained before an SGO is a permanent order and there will be no intention for her to return to her mothers care. For this to happen mum would have to get leave from the court to apply for the order to be revoked. To get this she would have to prove that she has made significant changes to her lifestyle and the risks identified have been completely eliminated - she would have to prove that it is in the child's best interest to be returned to her care.
SGO's are just a step away from an adoption order and not meant to be a stopgap until the child can move.
All Mooloo has to do is comply with any contact order that was made and any additional contact is entirely up to her.
I think there has been 2 successful applications in the UK and both were due to the Guardian developing complex health needs and without looking up the case - one of these was not returned to the parent.
This is not like a residency order and 2 parents disagreeing this order was made with the childs PERMENANT home in mind to safeguard her.

Savvy_sewing

I will have to go back through the paperwork, but I don't think there was any contact agreement. She wasn't supposed to have DGD overnight, that was purely my decision as DGD got older and trying to keep the bond as Zmum stopped visiting here. She had never been back here since she met the BF. She didn't even make it to her Birthday party.
Thanks Gizmo for that very comforting thought. DGD is under a guardianship order.

Savvy_sewing

Well I found his sisters name via a bit of a search on Facebook. But she isn't registered under her current name, possible could be in her maiden name, but looks like she is working in a nightclub not in social care as far as I can see. Interesting!
I must ask a few questions.
Anyway, for now I feel safer, that overturning it is highly unlikely.
I still think they may think moving would get her off the radar, but we all know that her details will flag up where ever she is.
Now I hope DS and Gf will soon be back to their own home, as bike should be done finally by tomorrow.
So soon I can reclaim my home!
Time for sleep. Night

duchy

Maybe she's studying something like social science (my Social Science school at uni included criminology and social work qualifications) ?

Lots of students work in nightclubs .......and lots of social workers don't post under their "professional" name on FB as they don't want clients to be able to access their stuff for obvious reasons. There was a case recently where a social worker got into a lot of strife on FB.... I'd think that incident encouraged a lot of SWs to re-evaluate their FB visibility.

Savvy_sewing

well what ever she is, her advise to them appears to be wrong.
Gizmo has been able to help and advise me well over the years and I am feeling much happier now.
The mechanic rang last night, The parts for DS's bike are in, he hopes it will be finished today. So I can soon get my home back to normal.
I am fed up of the mess.
Although I will need to find time to regain the space as everything is out of place. Such is life. But DS has appreciated the help, even if the GF doesn't seem to give a fig.
DGD will miss her Uncle though.
Still not heard from twin 1, about her plans to see DGD.
But there will be arguements as I won't risk letting them have her over the holidays incase they take her away. My fear is that they would be stupid enough to try.
I have finally started to do some Christmas shopping on line. ( I know I missed cyber deals etc) but I needed to pay the rent and staff wages etc.
So I was concentrating on that first.
Today I have to work in the workshop rather then down stairs as nets etc todo I need the space.
The different levels are handy sometimes, but not so handy when I am on my own.

Savvy_sewing

DS and GF went this afternoon. Well I presumed they had as bike gear gone. But the house was truely a disaster zone. I am fuming. ( well I was- now I'm just too tired) after work, collected dGD, got home to a mess like you wouldn't believe. It took me two hours to make the front room bareable to use, and the dishes washed.
Dispite telling them to wash up last night, as I cooked.
Every dish and every cup etc were dirty. If he had not broken his phone he would have had my wrath. I took photos, as I am so angry with them. It will take me a day or two to catch up on the place as I'm too tired to do any more now.
Next time they come here they are in trouble, and it showed me clearly that I will not cope if they are homeless at the end of the month!!!
I'm off to bed as I'm just worn out.