Trying to get on track

doingitanyway

You've had enormous stresses lately. I just want to say I think you are doing brilliantly. Don't be too hard on yourself right now.

in_need_of_direction

Well on Wednesday I returned to an absolutely sparkling downstairs. DD knew she was in the wrong and, as Wednesday was her day off, she pulled out all stops. Was at my brother in law's on Wednesday evening picking up some bits and pieces to give to a homeless charity. He also had two sacks of goodies that people had brought to the house that he would never eat pre best before date so I liberated those and left them in our office kitchen. The swarm of locusts have solved what needed to be done.

Yesterday my entire team were on site and there was total radio silence. Got on top of various admin tasks including my expenses so more than £200 to come my way. It's totally needed as things have been a bit spendy. Have had my head in the sand money wise but need to get on top of things as we just got our big gas bill in at £340 for the quarter, our rates bill and a solicitor's bill which we were expecting but which was higher than I thought.
This morning I'm meeting a sister in law in law as we will both be trustees for our disabled nephew when his father is no longer around. Not sure how that will go but she seems a practical type so I will hopefully be able to take my lead from her.
Went to counselling Wednesday afternoon. That girl is good. She gets me to the nub of matters that I hadn't before realised were issues. It's good but in some ways it's making me feel like a victim and that ain't nice. I was married to someone for whom everything bad was always someone else's fault. It makes me very determined to take responsibility for what happens to me but even I can now see that as an aged 14ish teenager, things that happened were not my fault. However, that makes me a victim and I don't like that.

Anyhow, today is Friday. It's relatively sunny and I have an early finish. Yay to the weekend.

There_Is_a_Light

I can understand that you might feel that you were the victim and do not like it. Maybe try and look at it as now having insight to the situation, almost like an outsider looking in. I had several issues throughout my teens and during counselling I was encouraged to think of what I would say to my younger self. I told myself that everything would be OK and just hang on in there. It made me feel a bit better..........actually that all sounds a bit crazy now I read it back.

in_need_of_direction

It's been a busy but bitsy week. Interviewed a prospective employee, made an offer and she has accepted. She seems both lovely and competent. Not what we are used to.
Attended my counselling session, it was a light session I think to let me finish with the stuff that came out last week. Also yesterday went for a pre surgery assessment. All positive but will hinge on my blood sugars which aren't likely to be great.
Work wise, discovered that someone leaving is setting herself up doing work similar to mine but can't convince our senior partner to lock her out of our folders. She has previously emailed me one of my own docs suggesting that I could use this. She is the type to take credit for other people's work.
Home wise, my house is chaotic and the dog is shedding everywhere. Weather wise, it's freezing and I just want to hibernate. I truly believe that will be the final stage in man's evolution.

Yesterday was the final stage in a legal matter that has been hanging around like a bad smell for close to ten years. Big big sighs of relief and I went out for dinner with my girlies to celebrate. Cost was £17 each so not a bad night. Btw, is anyone else being inundated with vouchers trying to buy supermarket loyalty?
Need to update my sig as I made an op which combined with the monthly payment moved to mortgage to the 90k plus mark. Now need to toddle off and pay my rates bill to benefit from the 4% discount for one off early payment.
Roll on the weekend.

in_need_of_direction

Yesterday was my sister's months mind which, apart from my mother complaining about my hair, passed without event. She did this in front of someone else of her own age who rushed to my defence. My mum was quite gob smacked. I don't know why she has to put me down in front of others.

Anyway, paid my rates bill on Friday, have written the solicitor's cheque and am now officially poor. Still, am determined to get below 90k this month so will be counting up the various money pots.
Weighed myself this morning and am up one pound. I blame it on the late takeaway yesterday after we escaped from family. I am however determined to make it temporary.
Weather here is cold and miserable and I want to hibernate. Instead I will spend time on my home making it more into what I want while kondoing. I wish charity shops opened for donations on Sundays.

beanielou

:eek: to your mum.

Buffythedebtslayer

I am convinced that a lot (not all unfortunately) Mum type comments are rooted in protection and love. This helps me when Mum does stuff that hurts me.

for example

1. You suggest you are doing something new - Mum - no don't be silly = ooo baby in danger, doing something new no!

2. you look nice. hair, clothes, shoes, whatever - Mum - ooooooo not sure......should you go out like that? = a dangerous man might find you attractive and attack you.

3. you meet a man - mum bad.change bad.bad bad bad. = he will hurt my baby!

4. you inadvertently look or do something better than a sibling - don't be silly X is better than you or your achievements don't matter= arghhhhh can't show favouritism PANIC

The results are the same - I feel like crap! but I try and think.......positively.

I am increasingly putting stuff down to age too! Plus I listen more to my friends and myself then her. Most of the time. Also a lot of the time Mum might be scared or worried - I find this out later on and try to filter, till I hear something good!

I don't know if this helps, but thought I would share

XX

in_need_of_direction

Hump day yay and officially my day off. Had a very productive Monday where I managed all but two things on my list. Also did things that weren't on my list grrrr. This included requesting a draw down from tcb of £4.39. Like I said, it's a poor month but I want to get the mortgage below £90k.
Yesterday I was in dublin all day with three others. A 13 hour day door to door with carparking and toll outlay of €25 that I won't get back to end of June but at least it was productive.

Also had ordered some stuff on line that I liked but def didn't need and the supplier cancelled the order on Monday as they couldn't honour it. Net result, £25 back to my card and a £5 gift token. It also prompted me to check another outstanding refund and realised that it hadn't been paid so have chased that. Between the 2, that'll be £50 back on my card which is a big help.
Got some really good news. I've been approved for surgery in next two months BUT really need to tackle my sugar levels as they are far too high. The approval is down to two staff members who totally went the extra mile for me so I feel that I'd be letting them down if I don't get on top of things. Lots of tea will be consumed.
Today is also counselling day. Hopefully the outcome will help deal with the sugar issue too.

I've also figured out which grocery vouchers to use this week so together I'll be having a £25 reduction. Am I the only one who wants to be an extreme couponer?

in_need_of_direction

I truly love this place. Thanks to there is a light and her band of weight loss people, I've been encouraged to lose 2lbs as evidenced in this morning's weigh in. Whoop whoop. I have also had my surgery date which is 15th June. If all goes well, I should be able to commit to restart couch to 5k in September and will hopefully run a 5k by year end. I may then need to be defrosted but I won't care. It's so long since I aimed for anything that involves physical fitness that I just want to give it a go.

Been a week of ups and downs. Was so annoyed on fri as I had been holding off buying a piece of furniture in a shop now in administration as I had missed the Christmas promotion and the price was up £200 so I couldn't do it. Having had an email through on Friday re increased promotions, I called my nearest branch and was told that they weren't accepting any more orders. This scuppered my plans to partially re purpose the dining room and brIng it into use. Major pity party ensued.

Saturday I decided to drag oh, who charms people, into going to the shop to see what was happening to the floor model. Turns out, we were wrongly advised. There was no more stock to be ordered but existing stock could be sold and there were two items left in the uk and there was £200 off. Best of all, because they were in stock, lead time was done to a max of 3 weeks instead of 6-8. Looks like it'll be in place before dd exits to her 3 month summer job in us.

I may have to dip into savings to keep a zero balance on the credit card but I can hit my isa once a year and it doesn't impact on my 2.75 return so it's all good. Spend wise, it's been fairly frugal so far this month. OH's birthday is on Tuesday but major present has already been paid for.

Work is tricky at present as there are major organisational moves afoot and we aren't sure how they will work out. It's a question of trying to hold my nerve. I've agreed to wait to the end of June and see how things sit. Must stay calm, must stay calm. Worst case scenario, I have to go self employed and then the desk purchased yesterday becomes a business expense!

Today we are experiencing wet and miserable weather. I'm really not too surprised. Hope everyone's weekend finishes on a high.

beanielou

Great news on the 2 lbs. :j :j
Great news too on the desk.
Have a happy Sunday.