Trying to get on track

misstara

Merry Christmas INOD, hope you have a great day tomorrow x

in_need_of_direction

So, what's been happening and where do I start? First things first. Big thank yous to all who continued to visit and encourage me. As you may be aware, I've been in lurk mode as I was struggling to know what to post. Since I posted, high points included a weekend in Vienna that typified Christmas for me and didn't break the bank thanks to loyalty points, free upgrades, etc. a weekend in London to see OH's parents pre Christmas that had its own problems both practical and emotional. They admitted that they sought the counsel of their priest before staying in our home where we "live in sin". Talk about feeling judged!

Work wise, we met our annual target and one of my team got promoted. No word on pay rises as yet though. I also won £50 in the work lottery draw which paid for our Christmas tree. DS came home for Christmas but had to go back yesterday to work today. Still he's looking a lot better than he has been.
I felt like I was on extreme couponing when I got a £138 shopping trolley in sainsbugs that cost 74p after coupons and vouchers.

The so so news. Still can't find six boxes of Lindor that I stashed somewhere but did run down my present stash a bit. More pluses, got some gifts that I really wanted. Also got four duplicate books but someone will always use them.

And then the bad. Since Boxing Day I have had the cold and cough from hell as has oh and dd. On top of that, I have irrationally felt completely aggrieved by the number of health care professionals I have dealt with over the past year who have consistently let me down. While logic tells me that it's the system, I just feel hurt. It's like there is a barrier to making things better every way I turn. I have lost all sense of perspective and feel totally adrift. While I can continue to operate professionally, personally I sometimes struggle to decide what to eat for lunch. Have been wondering if MSE is the place for me as I truly think that I may be better off on something purely related to mental health rather than money. I also feel guilty when I read of the efforts having to be made by those with serious money issues or serious health issues but know that these aren't categories I fit into. The mortgage clear down has been somewhat derailed by the co ownership plans with DS but he doesn't have the greatest focus on this so I'm not sure how things will play out.

Then there is my family. My mother continues to be very manipulative while my sister expects a diagnosis on 20 jan that's pointing towards motor neurone dysfunction though I'm not sure what that is. Part of me still believes that she is exaggerating things as she has always been an attention seeker. How even more crap will I feel if it turns out to be all that and worse.

Yesterday I googled how to run away. But I can't run from myself can I? Not sure what to do or where to go but know that I will post updated end of year figures.

Take care

beanielou

So sorry to read that things have been so tough.
Your sin in laws need to move with the times.
They had better not come to beanies hoose where DS & GF also bide.
We all have our own struggles.
Keep plodding & keep posting xxx

Ali-OK

So pleased to see you posting and that work ended on a good note before Christmas.

That was a fantastic shop in Sbugs!

I really hope you can get the help you need, I can only think of private counselling as an alternative route. Put yourself first and concentrate on you, leave the other family stuff to one side for now if you can.

Sending supportive hugs and positive vibes your way

in_need_of_direction

Oh I forgot to mention, I lost a third of my second from front tooth on 23rd and got it sorted the same day. The filling came out Christmas Day but I can't be treated until I'm germ free. And my washing machine is in pain.

Buffythedebtslayer

the tooth thing is a bit !!!! to say the least.

Christmas in general in is super stressful, didn't know you lived in sin you devil you! no offence intended but you can't beat a judgmental religious person My sister gets similar from my other sister which I find hysterical as other sister has been divorced, the scandal!!!!

anyhow suffice to say in the cold light of day other people's prejudices can !!!!!! off. speck/log judgey judgey etc. practice what you preach.

I know what you mean re being here when so many others are in Dire Straits (insert joke here when I can think of one) and whilst i did use my emergency fund to pay my car insurance I don't have debt and I do feel a tad fraudulent at times. At other times, as I genuinely feel these people are my friends and I care so much for them I couldn't leave even if I wanted to. Money is important lots of ways but in other ways it isn't.

Sisters are special creatures... I have envy for a few friends who really do get on with and understand their sisters. As much as I love mine I could just as often slap them in their silly faces. In crunch you will be there. Probably involving a mild rictus grin at times (start a dentist fund in light of recent events) but you will do what you need to do. I try to remember people operate out of fear and most of us do it from time to time. It does not always work (silly faces) but it stops me saying/doing the unsayable.

I want to hear more about Vienna

Keep posting XXX

Love Buffy

*written under the influence of Bailey's*

Munchin

Hi INOD


Really glad to see you back and you would be missed from these boards.

I know everyones circumstances are different but I ended up paying to go privately for my treatment because in N Ireland some issues like mental health are just not catered for and it was the best decision I ever made.

I hope you have a lovely New Year

in_need_of_direction

Thanks for the comments. I've been advised that I need a psychotherapist and not a counsellor. Not sure where to find one. I'd quite happily forego the mortgage ops if I thought it would sort things out. I am a bit frightened though at what could emerge to be dealt with. I'm not feeling very strong right now. Today was another lazy day as I continue to feel as weak as a kitten. Am struggling to eat which isn't me so am def not doing anything else. Had such plans to get on top of things over the break but what can I do. Today watched the panda babies documentary. I want one.

Anyhow, am heading under the covers. Hope everyone gets to spend ny as they want to.

Brogden

Hi INOD

I am so sorry you are not feeling at your best.

When in a bit of a quandry it's sometimes best to simplify life as much as you can. You have been a serial, successful mortgage OP'er and I was a bit surprised when you announced you may be diluting your efforts for the co-ownership?

If DS is not focussing on this, why not drop the idea completely? Return to full time OP'ing on your own mortgage? Cruel to be kind? Possibly........but is it actually cruel at all? The way I am thinking about things here..........IF we have an unencumbered roof over our own heads which no bank can take away, we can shelter the whole family if we need to (as it happens we are here :mad: ) but I don't know what the future holds. I can, however relax in the fact that I can always then keep them all safe, warm and dry if they need it . If they want to go off and do their own thing and give me some peace then fab :T !! They can always come back. I'm not a millionaire and it's the best that I (or most of us) can strive for .

Some way to go on the old mortgage and I'll be majoring on that when I pull together my new 'refocussed' diary

Have a think on it INOD

Broggers x

in_need_of_direction

Thanks Broggers for stating the obvious to which I was totally oblivious. Didn't get onto the PC to sort out financials today as oh was doing a hobbit watchathon while building Star Wars lego on the desk. I'd set DS a mini target of £600 to be saved by start of April so I reckon that will show what level of commitment there is. I'm going to do a final op to end 2015 and am then going to just sit on what funds I can come up with between now and the end of the tax year. The plan is to then transfer these to my isa as it pays 2.5% more than my mortgage rate and will then up my monthly payment too. I get one annual withdrawal without penalties so that should give sufficient flexibility.

Today I had my first proper meal since Christmas dinner and while I couldn't finish it, I feel so much better to be eating again.

Today I am grateful for all the resolve and positivity across this site.