Maintenance payments after 18 years old

jellyhead

As far as I am aware from what friends have said, you should continue paying until the end of the A-level academic year, but am not sure whether you should stop in July, or September. Universities don't start until October, so I'd pay the September payment.

clearingout

bestpud wrote: »

Yep!

Why should she be better off at university than children from families of equal means? It's ok for children from unbroken home.

It's irrelevant of its the OP or their partner - my points stand.

I have no problem with the new partner supporting them. Do you think it would be ok for them to benefit twice - from dad and step dad?

How about families where there is children from the new relationship in the family. Is it ok for them to cope with what they get while the step sibling has extra money given to them?

It is a handout if he carries on paying the ex, yes.

it's OK for step dad to contribute...then dad doesn't have to. Words fail me.

Step siblings and half siblings have to accept that they have different sets of parents with different sets of circumstances - this may inevitably mean that some children end up better off than others (and not just in financial terms). Is it fair? Is it fair that my neighbour's children have more than mine? Or that my brother's children have more than mine? Or that my children have way more than the children living at the end of the street?

Supporting children to whatever age the CSA now demands is not a 'handout'. It's a legal requirement and ensures that children are appropriately supported (at least financially) until they reach adulthood and are able to make their own way in the world.

bestpud

clearingout wrote: »

it's OK for step dad to contribute...then dad doesn't have to. Words fail me.

Step siblings and half siblings have to accept that they have different sets of parents with different sets of circumstances - this may inevitably mean that some children end up better off than others (and not just in financial terms). Is it fair? Is it fair that my neighbour's children have more than mine? Or that my brother's children have more than mine? Or that my children have way more than the children living at the end of the street?

Supporting children to whatever age the CSA now demands is not a 'handout'. It's a legal requirement and ensures that children are appropriately supported (at least financially) until they reach adulthood and are able to make their own way in the world.

CSA don't enforce payments for children at university, so stopping at the end of A levels is in line with that.

Anything beyond that is a handout if paid to the mother.

We will have to agree to disagree.

pops5588

Sorry OP, but from reading your posts I see a common theme. "we thought this" "we did that" "we asked her" "we visited her" etc.

Maybe she isn't interested in the we when it comes to spending time with her father. It is often forced upon children, I know it was certainly forced upon me and I continue to resent my father and step-mother for it. I no longer speak to them.

Just because your OH chose you does not mean his child did. I really hope you give them the space to spend some time together alone if possible.

Money wise, if he is no longer liable for the money then he may not want to pay. If she goes to uni then she is more than welcome to get a job and fund some of her time away herself. It's certainly what I did. However it may be nice for some smaller gestures to be made by her father like a bit of money for books, a hamper of supplies for freshers week etc.

Sunshine_and_Roses

pops5588 wrote: »

Sorry OP, but from reading your posts I see a common theme. "we thought this" "we did that" "we asked her" "we visited her" etc.

Maybe she isn't interested in the we when it comes to spending time with her father. It is often forced upon children, I know it was certainly forced upon me and I continue to resent my father and step-mother for it. I no longer speak to them.

Just because your OH chose you does not mean his child did. I really hope you give them the space to spend some time together alone if possible.

Ouch, makes me sound like a monster!!! Point taken, and believe me it has been considere. I have offered to move out of our home for a week so they can spend time together, but daughter still refused and would not explain why. I think it has been so long now that any father/daughter relationship will be ddifficult if not impossible, but keep praying for a phone call at least.

supersaver2

clareski wrote: »

Thanks. We did not want to go down the CSA route when she first refused to speak to him as we kept hoping she would change her mind, and that contacting CSA may antagonise the ex (she would probably get less money). Neither of us are nasty people, we know that the ex has told daughter untruths about us and lied about her affair, but we have no intention of lowering ourselves to this level.

Would have been nice to get a phone call or text to thank us for the money and presents we sent for Christmas tho

No thank you for Christmas presents and money? Is that usual or does she normally thank you?

SingleSue

Maintenance should be paid whilst child benefit is in payment and as in the case of eldest son, that was until the end of August this year....6 weeks before his 20th birthday.

He did 3 years in 6th form due to completely messing up his first year (he received a rather eek diagnosis just before the start of 6th form and it messed his mental state up), so he had to press the reboot button and start afresh.

I was actually rather proud he took the more grown up decision to start again, than to give up at the first hurdle and in fact, so was his father and despite the issues I initially had with now ex hubby paying maintenance, he never quibbled about continuing to pay.

It paid off for eldest...he is now at university after exceeding expectations in 6th form and absolutely loving it and both myself and now ex hubby are helping him financially with an equal amount to cover the little things (it's not a huge amount by any standard)

Luckily, one thing both myself and ex hubby always agreed on was their education.

jellyhead

clareski wrote: »

Ouch, makes me sound like a monster!!! Point taken, and believe me it has been considere. I have offered to move out of our home for a week so they can spend time together, but daughter still refused and would not explain why. I think it has been so long now that any father/daughter relationship will be ddifficult if not impossible, but keep praying for a phone call at least.

Perhaps a whole week is too much? Thinking back to my teenage years I was prickly and self conscious, and hated conversation, even with my own mother!

I wonder if he asked her to meet him somewhere for a coffee or meal, she might find that easier? Then she can disappear when she feels like it, or arrange to meet friends in town shortly afterwards, or whatever.

I've never known what to say to my father, but meeting him for a coffee in town is less scary (I'm still antisocial in my 40's!).

Bear in mind that many teenagers aren't talking to the parent they live with much either, it's a tricky time. I still have a lovely relationship with my 17 year old but it doesn't seem to be the norm amongst his friends, especially the girls, and particularly if they feel that the parent is expecting achievement from them and will be disappointed if they 'fail' their A levels.

DS4215

jellyhead wrote: »

As far as I am aware from what friends have said, you should continue paying until the end of the A-level academic year, but am not sure whether you should stop in July, or September. Universities don't start until October, so I'd pay the September payment.

A Level results come out at the end of August. I would suggest continuing to pay until she has her results (August), then asking what her future plans are. She could go on to Uni, or fail and have to resit (which means more payments).

brunettifan

bestpud wrote: »

Looking at this from a different angle:

When your daughter goes to university, she will be assessed for student finance on your ex's income.

She will only be assessed for student finance on the household income where she lives. Absent parents are not factored in.