Maintenance payments after 18 years old

Gigglepig

maggy50 wrote: »

The op arranges a visit or offer of holiday and the daughter cancels thats how I read it , I will await correction.

A reason for this behaviour as a teenager may be built up resentment for example if she felt hurt/abandoned when her parents split up.

The way i read the post it sounded like OP's OH had struggled to keep up contact after they split due to the distance.

mountainofdebt

Gigglepig wrote: »

Lots of people may disagree but personally I would continue to support the young adult, just as I would have if i still lived with the other parent.

The daughter may feel hurt and abandoned if he stopped seeing her when they split up? I would too if my parent stopped coming to visit (and I'm an adult, and well more than 100 miles away...) unless there are extreme medical or financial circumstances why would he not go and visit her? When there is a will there is usually a way?

Eta - i hope this can be resolved somehow and you can get back in contact with her, shame if both you and the daughter feel hurt about lack of contact.

But you can only have your face rubbed in it for so long before you call time.

paulineb_2

The op said they cancel meetings at the last minute.

Gigglepig

clareski wrote: »

Maggy50, thats right. She used to visit us about three times a year when she was younger, and speak to her dad on the phone at least twice a week. Then about 5 years ago she stopped wanting contact, not answering phone, making excuses not to visit etc, even though nothing has changed on our part, and she will not tell us why she does not want to speak or visit.

This sounds so sad. Did she tell anyone else like her mum what was wrong, who might be able to explain?

Gigglepig

paulineb wrote: »

Why should he continue to pay for a daughter who won't see him? I mean past her 18th birthday?

I may be in the minority but my reason for continuing to pay would be because she was my daughter and I wanted to do my best by her, even if circumstances had gotten in the way or the relationship was difficult. Financial support is better than nothing, even if being in contact and having a close relationship would be better. I would pay simply because she was my daughter, and it would be a way of showing her i cared, even if she would not speak to me. Perhaps in the long run she might change her mind, if not i would know i did what I could.

Best of luck to OP and her OH, whatever you decide.

Sunshine_and_Roses

Her mum wont help. She had an affair and moved away to be with the other man, so had her new 'family' leaving my OH without his daughter. We have contacted her to ask her to speak to daughter for us, to see why she is so upset, but she refuses saying it is her decision. She is missing out on so much as my OH is a wonderful, caring man, and would like nothing more than to have a relationship with his daughter.

My feelings - his ex has what she wants, a new life with a new man and her daughter, and has forgotten what was left at the other side of the country. I hope one day his daughter will come to her senses and realise what she has missed out on, and rekindle their relationship. Well, its Christmas, I can dream!

Silver-Freddy

From what I can remember my oh had a lad who he paid maintenance to since him and his mum split up when he was 8 years old.(no csa was involved,they sorted this out themselves).


He went to higher education till he was 19 years old,my oh paid till he was 19,then Im certain legally after that he didn't have to pay maintenance anymore.


So chances are he will have to pay till his daughters 19 years old,after that he legally wouldn't have to pay anything (unless he wants to).

Sunshine_and_Roses

Thanks all. Who will tell me about when we legally have to pay until? CSA??

Silver-Freddy

clareski wrote: »

Thanks all. Who will tell me about when we legally have to pay until? CSA??

Just found this on a child agency website,hope it helps.


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You must pay child maintenance until your child reaches the age of 16 or until he or she reaches 19 years if they are studying full-time. However, you can organise or reach an agreement privately to continue paying child maintenance for a longer period.

debjay

Child support stops when child benefit does.