Maintenance payments after 18 years old

Sunshine_and_Roses

Short version....

OH's wife left him 12 years ago when his daughter was 5 years old. He has paid maintenance every month without fail ever since, without the need to go through CSA. Daughter is currently at 6th form, and will possibly be going to uni, though we dont know for certain as she very rarely replies to his messages and never answers his calls.

When she reaches 18 will he still be required to pay maintenance? Her mum and new husband both work - unknown how much they earn but more than us!!

He has only had contact with his daughter once in the last 5 years, through no fault of his own, they moved over 100 miles away and always cancel meetings at the last minute, when we have booked holidays etc, and now she says she does not want contact at all.

Where do we stand?

pinkshoes

Write a letter asking her to confirm in writing her post 18 intentions I.e staying in education or not.

if she doesn't reply, then clearly no money is required.

perhaps she might like to be paid directly?

Sunshine_and_Roses

Thanks Pinkshoes. Would he have to pay maintenance if she went to uni for four years (for example)? At the moment we can manage with the amount of money that the ex asks for, but it is heartbreaking when we are unable to see his daughter. Not even received a phone call today which really hurts.

mountainofdebt

If its the daughter that has said she doesn't want any contact then I'd be tempted to pay the maintenance until the whitsun school break and then stop....but I would let them know my intentions beforehand

I've no doubt if this ruffled feathers you'd soon know about it

Sunshine_and_Roses

Thanks Mountainofdebt. Her 18th birthday is April so I was thinking of paying until May and then stop, but not sure on legalities. If she did go to uni then most courses start in September, dont know what the ruling would be between these times too.

Any advice is greatly appreciated

Gigglepig

Lots of people may disagree but personally I would continue to support the young adult, just as I would have if i still lived with the other parent.

The daughter may feel hurt and abandoned if he stopped seeing her when they split up? I would too if my parent stopped coming to visit (and I'm an adult, and well more than 100 miles away...) unless there are extreme medical or financial circumstances why would he not go and visit her? When there is a will there is usually a way?

Eta - i hope this can be resolved somehow and you can get back in contact with her, shame if both you and the daughter feel hurt about lack of contact.

Sunshine_and_Roses

Gigglepig I understand completely, and we have travelled to see her only for her to completely blank us, not even speaking to us (and we told her we were coming). That was one long, sad journey back home.

maggy50

Gigglepig wrote: »

Lots of people may disagree but personally I would continue to support the young adult, just as I would have if i still lived with the other parent.

The daughter may feel hurt and abandoned if he stopped seeing her when they split up? I would too if my parent stopped coming to visit (and I'm an adult, and well more than 100 miles away...) unless there are extreme medical or financial circumstances why would he not go and visit her? When there is a will there is usually a way?

The op arranges a visit or offer of holiday and the daughter cancels thats how I read it , I will await correction.

Sunshine_and_Roses

Maggy50, thats right. She used to visit us about three times a year when she was younger, and speak to her dad on the phone at least twice a week. Then about 5 years ago she stopped wanting contact, not answering phone, making excuses not to visit etc, even though nothing has changed on our part, and she will not tell us why she does not want to speak or visit.

maggy50

clareski wrote: »

Gigglepig I understand completely, and we have travelled to see her only for her to completely blank us, not even speaking to us (and we told her we were coming). That was one long, sad journey back home.

Sadly we have been there too with my oh children as they were then.
There is underlying pressure here on both sides it seems.
After losing contact completely my oh has accepted the situation.

paulineb_2

Why should he continue to pay for a daughter who won't see him? I mean past her 18th birthday?

I think you need to get proper advice on this and if he does want to keep paying, fine, but parents splitting up doesn't mean she's been abandoned, sounds like your oh had a raw deal, what has the mum been doing re this?

Quite happy that he pays and he should, but what efforts has the mother made to ensure contact has happened over the years?