Teenagers

Tigsteroonie

Is DH father to DS? I'm unclear from the posts ... if he's actually a stepfather rather than natural father, it might help to explain why he finds it 'odd'.

gunsandbanjos

Nothing wrong with it at all, in fact I think it's lovely and you should cherish the close relationship you have with your son.

Your DH sounds like an !!! if you don't mind me saying! My ex was similar in his attitude, not about this type of situation but just generally, his way was the only way. Took me a long time to realise it.

cloudy-day

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

From these two posts, your relationship dynamics don't seem too healthy to me.

Your OH seems jealous of the closeness you share with your son and his knee jerk reaction when he saw you was to verbally lash out.

What are you going to do about it? Hope the memory fades away? Tow the line? Adapt your behaviour so you won't cause offence?

You should be an equal partner and be able to talk about these things... If you can't then the relationship is not working...

You need a plan.

Yes I noticed myself that I'd strayed off topic there. We've been together 20 years and I deal with DH as best I can.

My plan is simple, I have a great son, brilliant friends and a good job which keeps me independent. So if one area of my life (relationship with DH) isn't perfect then I can take that.

I know my mates don't get it, but it suits me. Thanks for you corncern though - and I really mean that, read it back and it sounded sarky which wasn't what I intended.

cloudy-day

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

Is DH father to DS? I'm unclear from the posts ... if he's actually a stepfather rather than natural father, it might help to explain why he finds it 'odd'.

He is DS's dad.

As I said it was the implication that it was seedy that upset me.

DH has just come through to apoligise. He said he just ment that DS was too old and should be acting more mature. As he is very grown up in other areas I am not concerned but will take on board what he said.

Again, many thanks to everyone who took the trouble to reply - even those wearing hard hats!

Tiddlywinks

cloudy-day wrote: »

Yes I noticed myself that I'd strayed off topic there. We've been together 20 years and I deal with DH as best I can.

My plan is simple, I have a great son, brilliant friends and a good job which keeps me independent. So if one area of my life (relationship with DH) isn't perfect then I can take that.

I know my mates don't get it, but it suits me. Thanks for you corncern though - and I really mean that, read it back and it sounded sarky which wasn't what I intended.

As long as you're happy enough... it doesn't sound that way really but only you can judge that.

The question is, how many times can you stand to feel the pain or see your son hurt by the nasty comments?

I'm not a 'dump him and move on' kind of person, I believe relationships need work. But when people start to tolerate hurtful things just to maintain the status quo then my alarm bells start to ring.

We all have different levels of tolerance - only you know yours.

Just beware that your son is getting cues from his dad about how men act... dad doesn't seem like a great role model in some areas.

Best wishes with finding your way through this.

nickj_2

cloudy-day wrote: »

He is DS's dad.

As I said it was the implication that it was seedy that upset me.

DH has just come through to apoligise. He said he just ment that DS was too old and should be acting more mature. As he is very grown up in other areas I am not concerned but will take on board what he said.

Again, many thanks to everyone who took the trouble to reply - even those wearing hard hats!

did DH infer that it was seedy or that your son should "man up"?

itzmee

Personally when I read the OP my first thought was why on earth would a normal 14 year old boy want to be in bed with his parents!! Most teenagers think parents are the scourge of the earth who are there to give them a hard time and wouldn't want to be anywhere near them. Don't get me wrong, I am mum to 2 kids of 10 and 17, I don't mind the 10 year old cuddling up in bed on a weekend morning but would draw the line at the 17 year old who is taller and hairier than my DH! Bedsides, he wouldn't want to.


I can sort of see where your DH is coming from OP, I wouldn't say it's inappropriate though, maybe just not usual teenage behaviour. Perhaps he sees it as namby-pamby to be cuddling mummy and is time to grow up.


However I don't think that he should have said it in front of him to make you both feel awkward.

neverdespairgirl

cloudy-day wrote: »

DH has just come through to apoligise. He said he just ment that DS was too old and should be acting more mature. As he is very grown up in other areas I am not concerned but will take on board what he said.

I just don't agree with him that showing affection is not mature. My brother, for example, is 28. He never gets into my Mum's bed in the morning, but that's most definitely because she's always up before he drags himself out of his pit (-:

But he regularly greets her, and all 3 of his sisters, with hugs and so on, and my Dad does with the rest of us, too. It doesn't seem remotely childish or unmanly to me to demonstrate affection!

j.e.j.

All families are different aren't they.. we didn't go into our parents bedroom, let alone bed, once we got to about school age! Then again I knew someone at work who used to have her two adult daughters cuddling up in the bed with her on a Sunday morning, and their dad, too. The daughters would have been about 19 and 23 :rotfl:

mummyroysof3

My children are much younger so I wouldn't know if it was the norm for a 14 year old to that. Tbh in our house it's not something that happens as I've always took the children downstairs as they have got up so as not to wake those still sleeping