Debt worries - can't tell wife.

racing_blue

ma5k wrote: »

While I personally believe it's important to talk with your partner

He said in the title, can't do that.

needs a plan B (which... edit... I see you have given)

ma5k

Shepherd1978 wrote: »

We are are hoping to move soon and lucky that my parents (who don't know about any debt) will be giving us some money that would more than cover my debts before completion to a new house. That will clear the debts and be a new slate for me.

If sorting this can't wait until you move, could you not talk to your parents now & tell them the situation to avoid worrying your wife. You could then fill your wife in after you have moved & that additional stress (for both of you!) is out of the way!

Your parents might be shocked, but they will hopefully be worldly-wise & keen to help without threatening the stability of the family.

Shepherd1978

Ma5k,

That is quite an attractive idea. As much as I would hate going to my parents it could be a safer option. I could tell them I was just £2.5k in debt and wanted to clear that.

It could wait until we move house but I am worried there would be a chance I wouldn't get the money from my parents for that until the mortgage process has started and we'd have to declare "debts to be cleared on completion". No reason why we shouldn't get the money before hand so I could clear everything off but it's another worry.

Shepherd1978

racing_blue wrote: »

He said in the title, can't do that.

needs a plan B (which... edit... I see you have given)

Maybe I should have put a "?" at the end of my title!

Shepherd1978

I should also say I took one small but important step last night. I told her that I have run out of money this month, a week before pay day and that I will need to put 100 on credit until then. In the last couple of weeks I have been giving her recent updates too so that this wasn't a surprise to her and she accepted it. This is important as previously I would have told her everything was fine and just used credit cards anyway. This is the first month I have had to do this in a while due to paying for Xmas.

She has also run out of money on her account so she will have to do the same. Difference with her is that she has always said when she has been short of money.

One small truth. One small step.

catwoman73

What is the £500 other income? You haven't included your child benefit, is this in the £500?

I suppose the CB and tax credits could be the £500, but that seems a lot on your income unless you have a lot of children (sorry, if you have said how many you have, I must have missed it).

You are probably spending more than you have listed for presents, clothing and holidays. However, your SOA shows that you should have plenty of money to cover basic living, so a DMP is unlikely to be appropriate, or to be accepted by creditors.

You and your wife both need to pull together, to budget and prioritise your debts for a few months, while making sure money is not being wasted on things like coffees and eating out, excess clothing, gadgets and all those other things that can take up hundreds of pounds per month without really noticing.

Shepherd1978

£500 other income is basically 2x £243 childcare vouchers that come straight out of wages (and therefore take home pay is less than those salary totals listed to adjust).

£500 should probably be higher then to include child benefit for 2 kids but then I am sure you are right about presents, clothing and holidays. Not easy to work out figures for these things sometimes!

flipperOSN

Shepherd1978 wrote: »

Ma5k,

That is quite an attractive idea. As much as I would hate going to my parents it could be a safer option. I could tell them I was just £2.5k in debt and wanted to clear that.

It could wait until we move house but I am worried there would be a chance I wouldn't get the money from my parents for that until the mortgage process has started and we'd have to declare "debts to be cleared on completion". No reason why we shouldn't get the money before hand so I could clear everything off but it's another worry.

I don't think that creating another lie to cover the situation is a good idea. Please don't take that the wrong way, but I have been in the situation where I was trying to maintain several realities, none of which were quite true. It really really adds to your stress.

From what I understand you have ~10k debts, your wife knows about ~7.5, your parents will give you enough to cover it all and the equity in your house can cover all. That's not a bad situation to be in and could be presented in a rather more positive light to her? If you really can't tell her then you need a plan to make the ~7.5k happen, and if that's few months belt tightening you can do on your own then you should do that at least.

PS I get £134 every four weeks for two children in CB. That means one month a year I get two lots in a calendar month.

ma5k

Shepherd1978 wrote: »

Ma5k,

That is quite an attractive idea. As much as I would hate going to my parents it could be a safer option. I could tell them I was just £2.5k in debt and wanted to clear that.

I know that I would be embarrased to go to my parents, but I also know that most parents have been through difficult times & are only too pleased to help out if they can.

If it were me personally, I'd talk to just my dad (expecting/knowing that he would also tell my mum, but that he would know best when/how to do that)... this is because in the past men were traditionally 'the providers' & he will likely have been through experiences that can help him better empathise with 'being in a corner' such as this. I'd level with him completely (you don't want a similar situation with your parents as with your wife), but obviously you know your parents best.

You strike me as responsible & capable financially (the budget you posted clearly demonstrates this) & reducing your initial debt so dramatically is a mamoth achievement. If my own son came to me with this situation out of the blue I would obviously be taken by surprise initially, but would be flattered & proud of him.

You are clearly stressed, but be kind to yourself... it is obvious you love your family a great deal & you are no doubt an ordinary decent bloke simply trying his best to do the right thing - what more can you do?!

You have my respect & very best wishes

ma5k

Shepherd1978 wrote: »

One small truth. One small step.

One small truth. One MASSIVE step!!
:T

It seems very wrong that people should ever feel unable to be completely open & honest, particularly as you so clearly want to, but on the bottom line (imho) honesty is the very best way out of most holes & will bring genuine happiness in the long run!