Debt worries - can't tell wife.

Scammerkiller

Hi, Please talk to your wife, she wont leave you im sure. I have been hiding my problems and it was a great relief to talk to my wife about it, turns out she is in a simlar boat! If you leave it too long she might find out anyway and that could be worse for your relationship. The other great relief was talking to payplan and stepchange, massive help.

Okydoky25

I've been here. I'm the wife who threatened to leave with the kids. I didn't. I got exstreamly angry at having been lied to constantly. Worse I found out by chance I was not confessed to.

At the end of the day I was not willing to walk away from the man I loved and my children's Dad over money.

We made a budget and got it cleared but I still have a slight uneasiness over the lack of honesty and have total control over the money now so you confessing really is what will save your marriage in the long run. Good luck

Kate_fixing_it

The chances are she already knows and she's pushing you to tell her. My hubby knew, he just didn't know the full figures and I had to go through the utter hell of coming clean to truly wake myself up.

I promise whatever you are imagining it won't be that bad. There is nothing in life more frightening than the unknown.

I'm sure if you post a SOA on here there will be a flood of helpful advice on ways you can make savings.

I hope you are doing okay.

Kate x

jaxsmar

Agree with all the above...why not show her your posting and read other people's response's she will know how serious you are at clearing your debt and how you feel about the situation.... good luck!

Shepherd1978

My wife has come home feeling ill and gone straight to bed. I can't do it tomorrow night because she is going out but I know I must over the weekend.

I have cut up my credit cards though!

Sazzie23

Shepherd1978 wrote: »

My wife has come home feeling ill and gone straight to bed. I can't do it tomorrow night because she is going out but I know I must over the weekend.

I have cut up my credit cards though!

Good luck Shepherd, my advice - having been there - is to text her and say, I have something we really need to talk about, when would be a good time ? (oh & tell her no one is ill before she panics).

The stress of not telling her/her finding out/running up debt again could split you up anyway, so better to tell her and let her make her own decision whether to stay & fix it.

onamissionEU

The thing that concernes me OP, is that you seem to be the scared puppy hiding in the corner from his angry master. It seems you wife has the attitude of "your debt, your problem"?

This is NOt what a marraige is about. Maybe this is not the case and the situation just comes across this way but this is not how it should be, ESPECIALLY if the increase in debt-load is due to spending on family essentials. This makes your wife jointly liable. The lies are a totally seperate thing though and as other posters have suggested, are possible the straw that would break the camels back.

You need to get a copy of your credit report including all of your debts and also make a list of your outgoings - where the money goes. You then need to sit down with the wife and discuss it throughly and make a plan to get out of this mess.

IF, after being mature, honest and practical about your "family finances" she still wants to leave you, then you have probably married the wrong woman anyway. She needs to wake up to the fact that you are both responsible for family finances & spending (unless you are blowing loads of cash on booze, hookers and gambling; in which case, respect! But you life as a family man will be over either way!)

Sinhanada

I completely understand what you're saying and where you're coming from. It's a daunting experience when you realise you have to face up to the debts and the way you're living life - although not extravagantly as you put it, but enough for the debts to be piling back up.

Your wife seems to be financially astute from what you say and probably the reason you fear telling her so much. I can understand the reluctance to do so.

NDL have given you some excellent advice - look at getting your credit report, doing a budget, and seeing where savings can be made.

One thing I didn't see is if you have any defaults or if you're struggling to make your repayments?

I found myself in a similar situation a few years ago - although I'd built mine up with Pay Day Loans. I knew my wife would blow a gasket and she did - but telling her was the best thing I ever did. Before I did though I'd already contacted Step Change and gone through the budgets and worked out a repayment plan - so although I was going to her with the debts, I had a solution already in place.

The upshot? We're still together, still happy - but she doesn't trust me with money and I for one don't mind that at all!

Shepherd1978

Hi Sinhanada

No, it's "just" credit card debt at 0% and overdraft spending up to small limit. I pay most of the household bills from my account, never miss any payments, no other loans etc.

Sinhanada

Then you should have nothing to worry about. I know it's daunting, but I would seriously suggest that you do your budget and show your wife how you intend to reduce the overall.

Glad to hear everything is managed well - and lastly, best of luck!