I need help!!! I don't know where to turn

woodformoretrees

If someone claims a professional position and then posts their 'expert' opinion, which would appear to be outdated at best, they need to back that up. IMHO.

A lot of people with debt issues have mental health issues that have either been caused by the stress of debt or that have contributed to the debt in the first place. Mental health services in this country are severely lacking and difficult to access, and some folk still feel a huge stigma in asking for help in the first place. For people to read this kind of writing off of posters (this and other thread) is unhelpful at best.

People can choose to react with disbelief on this thread, of course - but that's a personal judgement call. It certainly doesn't need to be garnished with (un)professional claims.

Trishiapp

woodformoretrees wrote: »

Trishiapp, when you claim to be expressing an opinion as a professional in the mental health field, which I've seen being done in two threads now, then you're putting yourself in a completely different league.
I don't believe that a true mental health professional should be making unsolicited diagnoses based on a few internet posts.
Nobody else, including OP, is claiming to be professionally qualified to comment.

Good morning woodformoretrees.


I have not made a diagnosis . I simply stated the facts, based on common human response to grief.

Trishiapp

woodformoretrees wrote: »

If someone claims a professional position and then posts their 'expert' opinion, which would appear to be outdated at best, they need to back that up. IMHO.

I think we will have to agree to disagree on this one.


Most psychologists agree that there is a pattern which people go through, starting with shock and disbelief. This pattern is called the ' cycle of grief.' Other stages include: denial, anger and guilt, despair and depression. The final stage, which most people pass through, following the depression, is acceptance.


The' Cycle of Grief' is currently the main model used in mental health services, thus it's not out-dated. The ' Cycle of Grief' is based on the wonderful lady, who was a pioneer in treatment of personal trauma, grief and grieving, associated with death and dying, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.


I am not claiming to be anything, but I do have a lot of experience in helping people in such circumstances.

Trishiapp

woodformoretrees wrote: »

If someone claims a professional position and then posts their 'expert' opinion, which would appear to be outdated at best, they need to back that up. IMHO.

A lot of people with debt issues have mental health issues that have either been caused by the stress of debt or that have contributed to the debt in the first place. Mental health services in this country are severely lacking and difficult to access, and some folk still feel a huge stigma in asking for help in the first place. For people to read this kind of writing off of posters (this and other thread) is unhelpful at best.

People can choose to react with disbelief on this thread, of course - but that's a personal judgement call. It certainly doesn't need to be garnished with (un)professional claims.

I will not engage into a debate about the state of the mental health services. However, I truly hope that, anyone experiencing mental health difficulties will seek help as soon as possible. This can be done via their GP.

woodformoretrees

You stated very strongly that people do not post updates on Internet forums when they're bereaved and you claim this was a fact based on extensive professional experience, and yet people clearly do.

You said: >>>>> I have worked with hundreds of grieving people, both adults and children, and can, without any doubt ,confirm that they Do Not post 'up-dates' on their progress! Nor do they make comments about others being 'vile' to them. It just doesn't happen! <<<<<

You're mixing facts up with your stated lack of empathy with the OP but you're not being clear as to which hat you're posting with.

olivia84

i think admin should close this thread. i'm afraid i am personally with the doubting Thomas's, however i would feel awful if there was any truth in the op's posts. if the posts are not genuine then the op shouldn't be berated too much as there may be a reason in her own mind why she would be doing it. closing the thread would also stop.....i don't know how to put this in a nice way.....stop any attention she might be seeking.

close the thread and move on.

x

Trishiapp

woodformoretrees wrote: »

You stated very strongly that people do not post updates on Internet forums when they're bereaved and you claim this was a fact based on extensive professional experience, and yet people clearly do.

You said: >>>>> I have worked with hundreds of grieving people, both adults and children, and can, without any doubt ,confirm that they Do Not post 'up-dates' on their progress! Nor do they make comments about others being 'vile' to them. It just doesn't happen! <<<<<

You're mixing facts up with your stated lack of empathy with the OP but you're not being clear as to which hat you're posting with.

Indeed, perhaps I was not clear with my posts, so please allow me to explain, and hopefully draw a line under this...


Clearly, having read the previous posts, people do post 'up-dates' ( I was not aware of this, so I stand corrected) but I do wonder what kind of 'up-dates' people actually do post?


Is it something like,' The funeral is next Tuesday' or is it, ' I am so heartbroken this has happened. My husband is no-longer with me nor will he return to me. I am not able to cope with the pain at the moment. I don't know how people cope when the heart hurts so badly. Please help me.'


Generally, the latter is the 'normal' response to a loss of a loved one. Oftentimes, there's an element of anger attached to people's shock: ' The only thing I can do right now is cry for him, yell at him, until I can't stand it anymore.'


My lack of empathy, is based on OP's posts, which also lack in empathy, or indeed, 'normal' human responses, hence my suspicions.


Regardless of what hat I am posting with, I do not feel I have mixed any fact at all. I still stand by what I have said.


Also, for anyone currently struggling with the loss of a loved one ,I would like to gently encourage them to visit crusebereavementcare.org.uk, or contact them by phone on 0844 477 9400.

woodformoretrees

Thank you for retracting your comment on how bereaved people behave.
I think you'd be surprised at the spectrum of people's posts while they're going through the process. It would seem that a lot of people might use the anonymity of the internet to get away from the textbook behaviour expected of them in such situations.

Happy to draw the line.

BillJones

thecassman86 wrote: »

The truth of the matter is that doubts about OP crept into most of our heads long before she posted about her husband dying. Long before. It sounds harsh, but i totally expected her to post that he'd died before she did.

Sadly there've been many people on here who've spun terrible stories, been given great support by many strangers out of the goodness of their heart, and then gleefully thrown it back in people's faces when revealing that it was all "just a laugh". For people who've become emotionally involved, and tried to do genuine good, that's a real slap in the face, and of course makes people doubtful.

In this case it's a bit odd that the OP seems to have a brand new number, to have never given it to the absent husband, but then to have it called by the police when he was in an accident. As others have said, it does not seem to add up. It's absolutely possible that the OP has given muddled information as she's genuinely in a real mess, but, OP, you'd probably stop the doubters if you could clear up that point. Given the number of kind people who've offered help, I think that it'd be a nice thing for you to do.

thecassman86

I agree with olivia84 that the thread should be closed. If OP is telling the truth then closure would protect her from reading upsetting posts. If she's lying then it stops the farce.

I think to summarise,

* If OP is truthful and he's died then she can claim on his Life Assurance.
* If OP is truthful but no Life Assurance, she can sell house for full value and pay off all of her debts in a single transaction.
* If OP is lying then the latest, and future, content of the thread is no longer offering any help to it's readers, so it's pointless being here.