I need help!!! I don't know where to turn

19lottie82

I'm sorry but I don't believe this for one second.

If it were true (despite all the little trip ups in the story), would the OP be logging back on to give us updates, re the funeral etc.. I really, really doubt it.

AMILLIONDOLLARS

19lottie82 wrote: »

I'm sorry but I don't believe this for one second.

If it were true (despite all the little trip ups in the story), would the OP be logging back on to give us updates, re the funeral etc.. I really, really doubt it.

We are all human, when you're being attacked, it's natural to defend and protect yourself, when pushed into a corner, even wounded animals do this. Just because she is grieving does not mean she should allow someone to kick her whilst she's down.



AMD

glasgowsaver2011

AMILLIONDOLLARS wrote: »

We are all human, when you're being attacked, it's natural to defend and protect yourself, when pushed into a corner, even wounded animals do this. Just because she MAY BE grieving does not mean she should allow someone to kick her whilst she's down.



AMD

fixed that

Trishiapp

19lottie82 wrote: »

I'm sorry but I don't believe this for one second.

If it were true (despite all the little trip ups in the story), would the OP be logging back on to give us updates, re the funeral etc.. I really, really doubt it.

Spot on lottie!


I have worked with hundreds of grieving people, both adults and children, and can, without any doubt ,confirm that they Do Not post 'up-dates' on their progress! Nor do they make comments about others being 'vile' to them. It just doesn't happen! The reason why people are not concerned with what others think, is simply due to the humbling nature of death and dying; it makes one aware of the impermanence of life. It opens us up to another dimension, beyond the physical.


Majority of people, especially if it's sudden, unexpected death, go into shock and disbelief, followed by the other grief stages. While there are some small differences , those stages are common features for all humans.


Whilst I really love AMD's wonderful attitude to human suffering, I have simply run-out of any empathy for the OP. In fact, I truly hope someone who really needs it benefited from the earlier, caring and well meaning posts.

woodformoretrees

Trishiapp wrote: »

Spot on lottie!


I have worked with hundreds of grieving people, both adults and children, and can, without any doubt ,confirm that they Do Not post 'up-dates' on their progress! Nor do they make comments about others being 'vile' to them. It just doesn't happen! The reason why people are not concerned with what others think, is simply due to the humbling nature of death and dying; it makes one aware of the impermanence of life. It opens us up to another dimension, beyond the physical.


Majority of people, especially if it's sudden, unexpected death, go into shock and disbelief, followed by the other grief stages. While there are some small differences , those stages are common features for all humans.


Whilst I really love AMD's wonderful attitude to human suffering, I have simply run-out of any empathy for the OP. In fact, I truly hope someone who really needs it benefited from the earlier, caring and well meaning posts.

Have they specifically told you that they don't reach out to online communities?

And have you made an assessment about how much time they spent communicating online under normal circumstances, prior to bereavement?

It seems a strange knowledge for you to have unless you've carried out specific research about people reaching out to online communities following bereavement, especially bereavement of a partner in a non-functioning relationship.

For a mental health worker you seem to be unafraid of making a very broad brush and public assessment of human behaviour.

(this completely aside of all our views on the legitimacy of this thread)

Gigervamp

A few years ago I was a member of another forum. I'd spoken about my worries for my dads health on there, so when he died unexpectedly, I posted on the forum to let them know what had happened.
I also kept up with posts on there. For one thing, the condolences from other members were comforting, but I also found that reading other posts on the forum was a good distraction technique.

Everybody grieves in their own way. You can't just say that if someone is really grieving, then they wouldn't be posting on a forum.

tiny_courageous

I found the online communities I was a part of invaluable when I suffered a bereavement, and yes, I did post "updates" of what was happening. Sometimes the anonymity is easier than talking about things in real life.

DFW is known as being more "huggy" and soft than other parts of MSE, although yes, it can be brutal to hear the truth of people's situations at times. People are extremely open about their situations because they know they will be supported. I would hate to lose that because people feel the need to go troll hunting.

woodformoretrees

Trishiapp, when you claim to be expressing an opinion as a professional in the mental health field, which I've seen being done in two threads now, then you're putting yourself in a completely different league.
I don't believe that a true mental health professional should be making unsolicited diagnoses based on a few internet posts.
Nobody else, including OP, is claiming to be professionally qualified to comment.

blackberrycurved_2

I have read this thread from start to finish and I am really sad at some of the responses. If you don't believe someone is genuine then why would you bother posting. Many people post on forums world wide - debt, mental health, addiction uncle tom cobbley etc. They may be hiding the true nature of their posts but always there is a reason, a need, an issue, usually it is because they are very lonely. Offering advice is a good thing, making sweeping often judgemental generalisations is not. I have a friend with ME she is ill, four times she has applied for benefits and been refused. She can't apply for job seekers because she isn't well enough to attend the weekly sessions that are compulsory in our area. When people's heads are mush because of money and emotional trauma and whatever else because you can't know and you can never know the whole story, when you are communicating in this way, you do have to be careful what you say. You are all right, of course you are right in terms of giving her money advice but there are more important things than being right. People are delicate, minds fragile, all they read is the negative and if this was your daughter, mother, sister how would you feel if they reacted badly, if they hurt themselves because of how they had been spoken about on here? I hope there was little truth in this story because what I've read tonight makes me feel very sad for you.

thecassman86

I think a lot of the focus of posts seems to have shifted onto different ways to grieve and how it's "harsh" to react to a death the way that the majority of us have...

The truth of the matter is that doubts about OP crept into most of our heads long before she posted about her husband dying. Long before. It sounds harsh, but i totally expected her to post that he'd died before she did.

Maybe she is in a financial mess and is finding the support and anonymity comforting and so she's exaggerating her situation to get "virtual hugs"... Maybe he really has died and we've been incredibly harsh... But the fact is the reason that this forum exists is for help, advice and support through debt and throughout this 10-page thread (long long before her husband even left her) the OP has completely ignored and brushed off advice to help her financial situation.

In her first SOA she showed a payment for Life Assurance. If he has died then she can claim through that and everything (DEBT-WISE) is sorted. But i'm now expecting a post saying that it's non-claimable for some reason - if i'm honest.