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Nice People Thread Number 10 -the official residence of Nice People
Comments
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I suspect I am a little like Lydia's former husband in that I have a natural tendancy to think my way is the best way. However, knowing your weaknesses goes a long way to overcoming them.
People rarely* enter relationships to hurt other people, but unfortunately it does happen. Often it's not abuse so much as an inability to give the partner what they need due to their own weaknesses.
*Rarely isn't never.
Edit: Lydia, you have more than an ounce of brain. Maybe, I think you should consider, no woman could have addressed these problems because your husband wasn't willing or able to address them.“The ideas of debtor and creditor as to what constitutes a good time never coincide.”
― P.G. Wodehouse, Love Among the Chickens0 -
I suspect I am a little like Lydia's former husband in that I have a natural tendancy to think my way is the best way. However, knowing your weaknesses goes a long way to overcoming them.
People rarely* enter relationships to hurt other people, but unfortunately it does happen. Often it's not abuse so much as an inability to give the partner what they need due to their own weaknesses.
*Rarely isn't never.
Absolutely. He never ever ever, even in the middle of the nightmare, did anything for the purpose of hurting me. Hurting me was only ever an unfortunate side-effect of getting what he wanted about something.Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.
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You are clearly deluded if you think that your friends would have the slightest difficulty in producing more than enough material for a lengthy eulogy. The NP would have plenty to say before your RL friends even got started, and as for fir...
There HAVE been a lot of chickens.
. (Tongue slightly in cheek with these comments Lydia....)
Its up to fir what would happen in the event, but my request is nada and then DH having support from his family /fiends.:).0 -
Yes of course. You hope there will be some of that. Quite a lot of that maybe. But you do not get angry if the person guesses wrong.
For example, LNE didn't like getting lost when driving. He also really disliked being told things he didn't need to be told. So, if we were going somewhere that I knew the way to, and he was driving, I had to guess whether he knew the way or not. If he did know, and I told him, he'd be angry - "I know that. Don't tell me what to do." If he didn't know, and I didn't tell him, he'd be angry - "If you knew we needed to go that way, why on earth didn't you tell me?"
OH can be a bit like that. He doesn't get angry much, but he will say, "I know!"
But he's fine being teased about it, and admits that he's being unreasonable. That makes a huge difference, I think.Absolutely. He never ever ever, even in the middle of the nightmare, did anything for the purpose of hurting me. Hurting me was only ever an unfortunate side-effect of getting what he wanted about something.
Yes, but....
There's a very useful legal idea in criminal law about people being assumed to intend the probable and natural consequences of what they do.
So if you keep doing A, and it results in B, then you do intend B, really. Because you don't do anything to avoid it....much enquiry having been made concerning a gentleman, who had quitted a company where Johnson was, and no information being obtained; at last Johnson observed, that 'he did not care to speak ill of any man behind his back, but he believed the gentleman was an attorney'.0 -
You are clearly deluded if you think that your friends would have the slightest difficulty in producing more than enough material for a lengthy eulogy. The NP would have plenty to say before your RL friends even got started, and as for fir...
Will there be a wake? A celebration of a wonderful life. How many days will it last?No reliance should be placed on the above! Absolutely none, do you hear?0 -
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I know I'm always right.
(But I find it's easier to let Mrs McTavish come to that realisation in her own time....) “The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie – deliberate, contrived, and dishonest – but the myth, persistent, persuasive, and unrealistic.
Belief in myths allows the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought.”
-- President John F. Kennedy”0 -
Why cannot I motivate myself to get ion the shower?
Sigh.
Anyone want to come with me?0 -
I suspect I am a little like Lydia's former husband in that I have a natural tendancy to think my way is the best way. However, knowing your weaknesses goes a long way to overcoming them.
People rarely* enter relationships to hurt other people, but unfortunately it does happen. Often it's not abuse so much as an inability to give the partner what they need due to their own weaknesses.
*Rarely isn't never.
Edit: Lydia, you have more than an ounce of brain. Maybe, I think you should consider, no woman could have addressed these problems because your husband wasn't willing or able to address them.
Sorry, on phone so can't selectively quote (easily). Lydia - I'm sure you wouldn't let me or anyone else say 'if they had an ounce of brain'. We can be sure that you have a fair few in your possession. Anyone can find reminders in an unhealthy relationship and not have noticed how unhealthy it had become until afterwards. However clever they are or are not.0 -
Absolutely. He never ever ever, even in the middle of the nightmare, did anything for the purpose of hurting me. Hurting me was only ever an unfortunate side-effect of getting what he wanted about something.
IIRC, he did not reserve this approach to life for you. How did his parishioners get on with him?
It's very unfortunate that he died as he did. There is so much unsaid/unclosed between you. I very much hope that, given the chance to reflect, he would have been able to say how sorry he was for all the harm he did to you.No reliance should be placed on the above! Absolutely none, do you hear?0
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