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Nice People Thread Number 10 -the official residence of Nice People
Comments
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lostinrates wrote: »In dh's mothers case she died intestate and tbf the best will in the world wouldn't have changed what happened, so there is that to consider too, really. (Thought better, of what trying not to type, because I won't say certain things, its not fair to anyone).
the children were not prepared, or emotionally able, to rock the boat, and I get that.
Tbh, a will leaving them everything wouldn't have solved it either.
Send it, spend it all and leave nothing but love letters and happy memories I think.
. Its much less hurtful than second guessing the love of parents both gone and surviving in the aftermath!
Spending it all and leaving nothing but memories (and debts) was what LNE did, so at least whatever happens in my future I only need to consider how to provide for my kids out of my own money, and not try to keep his as a separate consideration. And of course, I won't be having any more babies at my age, so half-siblings will not feature, even if step-siblings could. Unlikely, though. I doubt I'll find another man anyway, which will of course make the money issues a lot simpler.Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.
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Went away for our annual pilgrimage to Hartwell House at the weekend. MIL is now back in hospital, although nobody seems to know what, if anything at all other than refusing to eat, is wrong with her. Why is she in hospital? According to the hospital "It's just a typical case of the ambulance service over-reacting."
So, it was lovely whilst we were away, but things have returned to impossible pretty quickly. I told DW that I am happy to have MIL back if we can help her get better, but not if all she is going to do is slide into a rapid decline. I hope that is the right decision all round. I know the children want us to do more for her, so I may relent.No reliance should be placed on the above! Absolutely none, do you hear?0 -
Spending it all and leaving nothing but memories (and debts) was what LNE did, so at least whatever happens in my future I only need to consider how to provide for my kids out of my own money, and not try to keep his as a separate consideration. And of course, I won't be having any more babies at my age, so half-siblings will not feature, even if step-siblings could. Unlikely, though. I doubt I'll find another man anyway, which will of course make the money issues a lot simpler.
Lydia.....you have enough going on and are pulled six ways at once now with tiredness, work , kids and so on. . Please don't write your own future, tou wonderful woman, leave it to fate or as you trust in him, God. Being self defeating somewhat challenges any opportunity should happen. 0 -
Spending it all and leaving nothing but memories (and debts) was what LNE did, so at least whatever happens in my future I only need to consider how to provide for my kids out of my own money, and not try to keep his as a separate consideration. And of course, I won't be having any more babies at my age, so half-siblings will not feature, even if step-siblings could. Unlikely, though. I doubt I'll find another man anyway, which will of course make the money issues a lot simpler.
A quick google of 'your age and births' suggests that 'of course' should be replaced with 'pretty unusual'....I think....0 -
Went away for our annual pilgrimage to Hartwell House at the weekend. MIL is now back in hospital, although nobody seems to know what, if anything at all other than refusing to eat, is wrong with her. Why is she in hospital? According to the hospital "It's just a typical case of the ambulance service over-reacting."
So, it was lovely whilst we were away, but things have returned to impossible pretty quickly. I told DW that I am happy to have MIL back if we can help her get better, but not if all she is going to do is slide into a rapid decline. I hope that is the right decision all round. I know the children want us to do more for her, so I may relent.
Oh GDB. That sounds so difficult for your and your family. Hugs.
Do you think refusing to eat is a kind of "giving up on life" thing? My mum, who had LBD (which gives you dementia and Parkinsonism) and other things, soldiered on for a long time, but near the end she gave up fighting, and stopped eating unless coaxed, and then only tiny amounts. The GP said he'd seen it lots of times before - "They get to a stage where they just give up", he told my dad. With my mum, it didn't feel like a "refusing to eat as a deliberate attempt to bring about her death", but just "no longer having the will or the strength to make any effort to stay alive", which made all the difference to me in terms of being able to accept it.
If your MIL is giving up the effort to stay alive, does she have strong views about where she wants to die? Is she able to express how she feels about it? Perhaps if this really is nearly the end, and she wants to die at home with family rather than in hospital, that might be something you could do for her.Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.0 -
So weird, thinking about fil, and post came from him.
Odd coincidence. 0 -
lostinrates wrote: »Lydia.....you have enough going on and are pulled six ways at once now with tiredness, work , kids and so on. . Please don't write your own future, tou wonderful woman, leave it to fate or as you trust in him, God. Being self defeating somewhat challenges any opportunity should happen.
Don't worry. I'd like another man. I'm open to meeting one. Once I get a bit better mental-health-wise I will probably even take some action towards improving the probability of finding one. But I have to avoid feeling that my life is on hold until I find one, or that the rest of my life is only OK if I do find one, etc, so I try to remain realistic about the availability of the kind of men I would be interested in, and the competition from the numbers of women who would like one.A quick google of 'your age and births' suggests that 'of course' should be replaced with 'pretty unusual'....
Aww, thanks michaels. I recently turned 44 1/2. DS gave me presents and DD pointed out that I'm now half way to 89!
I believe in taking new relationships slowly and not rushing into commitment, and any new relationship would be further slowed down by the necessity of dealing sensitively with my kids' feelings, so since I don't even have a man in my sights ATM, I'm unlikely to be getting married before the age of about 46, and I don't sleep with men I'm not married to. Furthermore, I don't want any more kids, I consider that having any more would be detrimental to the two I've already got, and my family history suggests that medically having any more would be a bad idea, so I won't be taking any chances whatever happens.
It's kind of you to point out that I'm not entirely over the hill, but putting all the above together, I think we can certainly say that the probability of any further babies is "extremely remote" rather than merely "pretty unusual".Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.0 -
I wonder if in the new version of the forum I will keep marking my own posts as spam?0
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lostinrates wrote: »I wonder if in the new version of the forum I will keep marking my own posts as spam?
Do you keep doing that at present? Why is that, do you think? Do you also keep inadvertently marking other people's posts as spam?Do you know anyone who's bereaved? Point them to https://www.AtaLoss.org which does for bereavement support what MSE does for financial services, providing links to support organisations relevant to the circumstances of the loss & the local area. (Link permitted by forum team)
Tyre performance in the wet deteriorates rapidly below about 3mm tread - change yours when they get dangerous, not just when they are nearly illegal (1.6mm).
Oh, and wear your seatbelt. My kids are only alive because they were wearing theirs when somebody else was driving in wet weather with worn tyres.0 -
Do you keep doing that at present? Why is that, do you think? Do you also keep inadvertently marking other people's posts as spam?
Probably Freudian considering of them as rubbish?
I scroll down on the screen with my finger for I read the posts below mine with my finger above them poised to scroll down to keep reading, then I dart my finger down and hit spam instead of blank space. I swap hands fairly equally through out the day. What I mainly do with my other hand is inadventantly click on people's profiles.0
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