Lilt and Jellytots most excellent adventure...

liltdiddylilt

Just had a good old read of peoples lovely supportive comments.

Thank you all for being mad on my behalf, and for sticking up for me, and for saying things when you think you shouldn't. There's enough holding back on what you really mean in this house at the minute without lovely friends starting to do it too for fear of upsetting me.

Things didn't go so well on my last day of work. I was wayyyyy asleep by the time he got in and heard nothing until the morning when I went to work. he was stand offfish whilst not overtly rude so I ignored it and just carried on as usual. Eventually after asking me how to cook the pile of crap he had bought for his parents meal (add sauce to washed prawns, put potatoes in the oven for 1 hour, slice the ham, put the other stuff on the plates) he decided once again (echoes of last year clanging loudly in my ears) that texting me the words 'We need to talk when my parents go home' at 10 past 4 on my final day of work when I am up to my eyeballs in figures and profits and the professional indemnity insurance questionnaire that MUST be finished by 5pm. Every time he does it at the worst possible moment via text and then wonders why I blow a gasket or won't talk about it right there on text.

He reeled off a bunch of things I have supposedly done. I am mean and nasty when he is 'trying so hard and being polite and courteous and helping out around the house) and hes getting nothing back apparently. Oh I am so sorry that looking after your daughter 4 days per week, keeping the house clean, food on the table, washing and ironing done, watching whatever stupid tv programmes you want to watch so that we have your idea of 'time together' in the evenings you are here... After trying and failing to defend myself. I gave up. I told him I had to work and I would text him when I was coming out of work which would undoubtedly be late. As it was I probably have to go back in on Tuesday when I am free and Him can look after Jelly to finish off what his distractions put paid to on Friday night. I've had 2 stressful weeks at work. My back is playing up and I am trying not to bore anyone with the teeth grinding pain I am enduring on an almost daily basis. I've been getting ready for Christmas, dealing with a cold, Jellytot being almost permanently ill, the house being turned into a hovel over the 3 days he is here and supposedly 'cleaning up'... I am SO SORRY I am not dropping to my knees in front of you nightly. :wall::mad:

We managed to get through last night without any arguments or issues. We both put it to one side for his parents and then when he had gone I went to bed.

Today he threw the WiiU that 'he' has bought in my face. On skype in full hearing of his friend. Bear in mind please that he has bought 3 games I have zero interest in, all costing £30+ when my game was free, and the other was £11. He bought a controller for himself that I can't use. He used the £45 he got from selling a Christmas jumper he bought me for £25 originally, plus some other items that he sold on ebay which were either unwanted free with the wiiU, or the above mentioned amazon screw ups from my past purchases. So he has actually spent none of HIS money on this thing. This is the first year he has actually bought his own parents presents. Every year before this, I have spent £40 on each of them, and ended up with a primark onesie or other cheap items back. So I told him he has his own money, pay for their gifts himself this year and he got mad at me for that. I have paid for all of Jellys gifts, all of my family's, and our mutual friend and her kids. I will cover as always, all of the bills, the food shopping, the Christmas food, crackers. I will do the cooking for Christmas, I will also be the one washing the pots. DO I get recognised for any of these things? What do you think? Yet still he throws his gift to us at me like I have not spent a penny and manages to make it sound like I SPONGE OFF HIM!!!!!!!!!

The reason dear reader, that this rant is on here... well there are 2. In the new year I am going to read it back to myself and decide if feeling like this is worth it for what I get in return. And secondly because if I do not get it out on here or somewhere I am going to explode when he comes over for Christmas Eve & Day and I remember all too well the horrific row at 11pm til 3am last Christmas Eve because he had gone through my phone and decided that I was cheating on him with no evidence when nothing was going on with anyone. And this when he had dumped me and walked out on me 4 months before and caused me endless heartache between times.

I think I need a smack in the chops. Please just let us get smoothly through the next week. That is all I ask.

supersaver1000

Litly. Some people know just when and where to push our buttons so that we explode and then we become the bad guys. You deserve to be treated like a princess. Him deserves a kick up the !!!, but my guess is that he is still soft boiled. Please take the high road and don't stoop. You are 100% totally right but he will never get it and even if he does, would he ever admit it. Sorry, I know nothing about you or HIM really, perhaps I am projecting. Sleep well litle one.

killerpeaty

Oh Lilt. I'm so sorry you are having this happening to you.

I have found some people over account for their own money (I am one of them) and they just need to be put into place when they get uppity (myself included). But in my opinion from what I know, please forgive me for saying this, he is applying the concept of his money to too many things. It's a bit like when a child decides that mum's purse is his/her's.

All I can say is that you are amazing, intelligent, (undercover) confident and interesting. You shouldn't need to defend yourself, you're brilliant.

supersaver1000

Hi hon. Hope you are feeling okay. It makes my blood boil to think you work so hard to make things lovely and with one careless thoughtless act HIM can sour it. I know, been there and got the tshirt. MrSuperdave has a really good job now - sadly his spending when up proportionally with his wages, hence my first LBM about 3 years ago. I know it's hard and it is worse than dealing with a toddler, but I am prepared to ship out if MrSS doesn't stop it now. Luckily I think he's finally got the message and is getting on board, but he's heading towards a hard boiled 50 and I suspect HIM is still a soft boiled baby. You are the grown up in this relationship babes and you're going to be the unpopular one. I wish I'd had your common sense and drive at your age - we'd be living a very comfortable life by now. However, there is still time to turn this ship around.

Hope you have a good Sunday Litly. I'm fuming that you are being picked on, but I know you'll come through love. Stay true to yourself. Xx

BILLIE

Oh Lilty I am not going to add to fuel to the fire that is burning in so many hearts, suffice to say you have my virtual support and hugs and that I agree totally with SS1000 and killer peaty. History repeating itself you think? It is all he can do because he is the guilty party and only thinks he can get away with it by throwing up the smoke screen. Try and have a relaxing day with Jelly, knowing that you are ready for the big day, you are organised and in control and you have your money under control and are in the black. Hoping to hear from you soon xxxxx. Please know I am not trying to butt in but like SS been there done that xxxx

maddiemay

I hope that you managed to get some sleep last night, sending hugs and loving thoughts that you can get through Christmas and give the little one a great time. No advice from me, you are more than capable of doing what is best for you and that darling child, when the time is right you will decide which way you want this relationship to go. I am, however, tempted to suggest that you re-format parts of your post from last evening into large font, double spacing and underlining where necessary and then print and laminate it, before giving it to HIM as a post Christmas present:rotfl: (The sort of thing that an eight year old might be able to read and understand!)

Take care of yourself and Jellie.
xx

Eager_Elephant

Oh Lilt (((( ))))

What sort of Xmases did OH have when he was growing up? If they were all doom and gloom and arguments maybe it freaks him out having a 'normal' xmas.

Failing that maybe he is just a t w u n t??

Could also be connected to the fact that he does not provide for his family (as in you and jelly) and by causing arguments he can blame you for everything and try to get rid of the guilt he is feeling??

Please make sure you do come back after xmas and read what you have posted - previously I have posted when DH has been a twit and it helps put it into perspective and also means I have a written account of what happened. (Previously when I kept emails relating to DH's behaviour he closed down my email account (so I lost all emails) so I had no proof to get a divorce and left me thinking about whether I was over reacting).

Hope today is a better day for you.

liltdiddylilt

Oh my goodness EE... are you actually kidding me? I am very surprised you didn't just divorce him for the extreme invasion of privacy. When Him went through my phone last year I was almost apoplectic. I saw red. He has a password on his phone, and has since he started talking to a girl from Newcastle in early 2013 (yes seriously). I don't have one because mine has the cbeebies app, is used by Jelly for educational apps and occasional games & I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO HIDE. It took me a long while to get over that. It was more that he was so blatant about the girl and I talked to 3-4 female friends and my mum.

My day has been absolutely lovely so far. I woke to nice messages from Him, with no prompting. Jelly has been an absolute delight. The kitchen is completely sparkling after I washed the pots I left in a huff last night - Astonish cream... I would genuinely be thankful for it in my Christmas stocking. I gave MiL a bottle a week or so ago and she has used it on everything ever since!! It makes water bead up and roll off surfaces so is incredible for keeping surfaces clean much longer. The gleam it leaves on the draining board an hob is incredible so the kitchen sparkles.

I have written my Christmas food shopping list and am now in the process of figuring out a plan of what the meals are from Christmas Eve to the day after Boxing day to utilise it properly and see if there is anything I could do without

Jelly and I are snuggied up in my bed together. She keeps pulling bobbles off the underside of the bed cover, and handing them to me with an 'Oh noo!' - my response is to tickle her until she caves each time. We are now having a dance off to Taylor Swift - Shake it Off. The fresh sheets for both of us are drying on the radiators and will then be going on the beds - I am even debating buying some Christmas covers for both our beds for Christmas Eve to go with the new pyjamas. Is it a bit much? lol - it will involve more washing :rotfl:

Time for a coffee and another cbeebies panto. We watched cbeebies A Christmas Carol this morning. Peter Pan next

So in answer to all of you, yes today is a much better day. It feels like Christmas Have a huge pile of wrapped gifts in a bag waiting for my friend to come tomorrow and collect them for her, her new baby daughter & son a bit younger than Jelly love their bones I do.

Hugs guys!! xx

please-let-me-be-lucky

Glad today is a better day and I'm sorry I was M.I.A when you needed support.

It does sound like HIM is deflecting all his guilt on to you. As an outsider looking in (and not impartial because I'm totally on your side!!), you seem to have the upper hand in the relationship. You have the home, the child, the better job, all the responsibility of bills and housework etc etc and he was the one who did wrong last time too so you are already 'better' than him anyway. He is trying to pull you down to his level because he is unable to step up to yours. Don't let him.

It speaks volumes that you are willing to keep the peace to have a nice Christmas, yet he brought things up while you were at work and just a few days before the main event. Please do re-read what you wrote yesterday after Christmas, and make informed choices then. I totally agree with putting it all down in words for him too.

As a Geordie, I apologise for all floozies in my city who may have caused you pain too .

Hope you and Jelly have continued to have a lovely day Xx

apple_muncher

What did you think of Peter Pan? We loved it here. But then we love - and watch frequently - all the cbeebies pantos! And currently have The Snowman and the Snowdog on. Dd is enthralled, as if she were seeing it for the first time.

lots of love xx