Two different 'takes' on the same thing?

victory

My friend has put on some weight and it has affected her self esteem/ confidence and she has become somewhat 'obsessive' about it all saying that she thinks her OH will go off her, they have less sex, that it's all her fault etc etc, she is going to go to slimming world in January and is fully aware the weight gain is affecting every area of her life and how she views it now, she is going to loose it...

So, we talked and I suggested she told her OH all about it and what he felt about it, she did, he listened, was very understanding and then when she asked if the weight was going to make him leave her/did he still fancy her etc he said 'well, I'm still here aren't I?'

That has made her spiral down even more:eek: she thinks that means that he is staying with her as if he is doing her a favour, he is putting up with it because he has to, all the negatives...

I see it as he means that he 'is still here' because he wants to be and the weight gain doesn't make any difference to the way he feels and he is just happy to go with the flow and support her either way gain or loss...

Two different takes on what was said...

Which one do you think?

Tiddlywinks

If he is a person who doesn't express his feelings that often then I'd day it was his way of telling her that he is still there because he cares.

Tiglath

I'm with you - poor guy probably realises whatever he says could be misconstrued if he ventures into the minefield of wife + weight. If he does ever go off her, it'll probably be because of the paranoia and self-obsession, not because she's put on weight; emotionally it's not an attractive place to be.

victory

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

If he is a person who doesn't express his feelings that often then I'd day it was his way of telling her that he is still there because he cares.

That I don't know, I don't know how their 'deep clear the air conversations' normally go but she seems stuck on this one....

victory

Tiglath wrote: »

I'm with you - poor guy probably realises whatever he says could be misconstrued if he ventures into the minefield of wife + weight. If he does ever go off her, it'll probably be because of the paranoia and self-obsession, not because she's put on weight; emotionally it's not an attractive place to be.

Oh don't tell her that:D

marisco_2

Your friends own insecurities are making her view her partners response negatively unnecessarily. You advise us that when she spoke with him he listened and was understanding. All that care, concern and empathy he showed has been overlooked because he didn't give a sugar coated, loved up response.

I think she needs to get over herself, stop fretting about being a bit over weight and do something proactive about it. Not only will eating well and doing exercise improve her figure, but it will increase her self esteem and stop her coming across as needy. Not an attractive trait in anyone. Has she ever suffered from depression?

mountainofdebt

as marisco says really.

poor bloke can't do right for doing wrong.

mgdavid

why is she waiting until January to start the diet? If it's the right thing to do, do it now. If it's not, don't do it all.

victory

mgdavid wrote: »

why is she waiting until January to start the diet? If it's the right thing to do, do it now. If it's not, don't do it all.

Two reasons..xmas parties, xmas food and she wants to go with some other people she knows at work who have all said they will start in January.

victory

marisco wrote: »

Your friends own insecurities are making her view her partners response negatively unnecessarily. You advise us that when she spoke with him he listened and was understanding. All that care, concern and empathy he showed has been overlooked because he didn't give a sugar coated, loved up response.

I think she needs to get over herself, stop fretting about being a bit over weight and do something proactive about it. Not only will eating well and doing exercise improve her figure, but it will increase her self esteem and stop her coming across as needy. Not an attractive trait in anyone. Has she ever suffered from depression?

Not that I know off but she can be a bit needy yes and dare I say it 'hard work'?

neverdespairgirl

Sounds to me like a positive thing - he's saying that if her putting on weight would make him leave, he'd have left, and he's not.

I think it's more likely that he would get fed up with her feeling insecure, not wanting sex, etc.