Two different 'takes' on the same thing?

HPoirot

unholyangel wrote: »

Speculation goes both ways.

Fact is, I openly stated in my original reply to him that I don't know any of the story and it was purely based on a few comments he made on here. Yet you seem to have taken issue with that where he has found none.

Not intent or hell bent on anything. I haven't came to any conclusions about his post, what I've actually said is the complete opposite of coming to a conclusion.

Again, no.

coolcait

marisco wrote: »

Your friends own insecurities are making her view her partners response negatively unnecessarily. You advise us that when she spoke with him he listened and was understanding. All that care, concern and empathy he showed has been overlooked because he didn't give a sugar coated, loved up response.

I think she needs to get over herself, stop fretting about being a bit over weight and do something proactive about it. Not only will eating well and doing exercise improve her figure, but it will increase her self esteem and stop her coming across as needy. Not an attractive trait in anyone. Has she ever suffered from depression?

I agree with your whole post.

However, if he had given a "sugar coated, loved up response" there's a very good chance that the OP's friend would having been working herself into a negative downward spiral along the lines of "he only said that becuase he felt he had to".

This is an issue which lies mainly in the OP's friend's own mind. That's where she mainly has to sort it out, rather than in the gym.

After all, if this is such a huge issue for her, why isn't she doing something about losing weight now, rather than waiting till January?

maman

As far as your original question goes I think I'm in the 'bit tactless but well meant' camp.

unholyangel wrote: »

As for the OP, as others have said....it really needs to be a lifestyle change and not a "diet"...

What your friend needs now is to get there act together ready for the New year. If money isn't an issue then I'd recommend she joins now and doesn't put it off. But, come January there will be vouchers in magazines offering free membership so it's more mse to wait in that respect. She's made a good choice with Slimming World as it really is a lifelong healthy eating plan rather than a diet. I'm a convert (promise, I don't work for them;)) and lost the weight I needed over two years ago and kept it off!!:D


I'd suggest she stops worrying and gets going. TBH what really matters is that she does it for herself and her own self esteem not anyone else including her DH. Tell her you've done a bit of research on her behalf because you will be supporting her all the way.


She could go onto the SW website and get their free 7 day meal plan and give that a go or join our lovely, supportive SW thread on here.


https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4666031

DKLS

victory wrote: »

Two reasons..xmas parties, xmas food and she wants to go with some other people she knows at work who have all said they will start in January.

Poor bloke doesn't stand a chance, if she is that bothered by her increased weight she should do something about it for herself.


Or find someone local who has Novovirus and catch it, I lost a stone and a half in 36 hours with that lurgy.


Not the best way to lose weight by any means but cheap and effective if a tad grim.

seven-day-weekend

FBaby wrote: »

It is rarely the excess weight alone that drives men (or women) away. It is the constant talking about losing weight yet doing nothing about it, or always finding excuses why it doesn't work that is frustrating for the partner, alone with the lack of self-esteem that comes with it.

It doesn't matter what he meant by that. He said he was supportive so she now needs to get on with losing the weight. She might want to wait after the festives so not to be a party pooper, but that doesn't mean she has to indulge because she is only starting her diet afterwards. The more she puts on, the harder it will be afterwards. She can enjoy herself and has one chocolate rather than a handful etc...

Not possible. I would have to have no chocolate

rpc

As a bloke, if we say something that can be taken one of two ways and one way hurts you then we meant the other one!

It sounds to me like his reply was probably a bit of the "why do you need to ask that, doesn't the fact that I am still here show you how much I care" but expressed in fewer words.

victory wrote: »

Two reasons..xmas parties, xmas food and she wants to go with some other people she knows at work who have all said they will start in January.

Losing weight effectively is all about habits. You can start now and just have exceptions early on. It's always easier to start something tomorrow!