Two different 'takes' on the same thing?

HPoirot

victory wrote: »

Two reasons..xmas parties, xmas food and she wants to go with some other people she knows at work who have all said they will start in January.

Victory your friend must be enjoying all the obsessive drama then, if she plans to fret for another month while enjoying all the food?

I agree with others, her husband is still here meaning if he wanted to leave he would have done it already. And that her attitude is more likely to drive a man away than her weight.

Make-it-3

Poor fella was backed into a corner with that question. Think he was trying to deflect as casually as he could. Sounds like your friend has self esteem issues and would have taken the answer badly whatever way he put it.

I think she is also setting herself up for failure with a January diet, people are miserable after the excesses of Christmas and most fall off the wagon pretty quickly. She needs to make lifestyle changes if she really wants to keep the pounds off permanently.

FBaby

It is rarely the excess weight alone that drives men (or women) away. It is the constant talking about losing weight yet doing nothing about it, or always finding excuses why it doesn't work that is frustrating for the partner, alone with the lack of self-esteem that comes with it.

It doesn't matter what he meant by that. He said he was supportive so she now needs to get on with losing the weight. She might want to wait after the festives so not to be a party pooper, but that doesn't mean she has to indulge because she is only starting her diet afterwards. The more she puts on, the harder it will be afterwards. She can enjoy herself and has one chocolate rather than a handful etc...

jetplane

His reply was factual, he is still there. What was he supposed to say?

Oh I'm still here now but if you put any more on then I'm off out of here, she is then even more paranoid, so she has a cake cos she's upset.
or
It doesn't matter how much weight you put on I will still love you, she then thinks yeh but don't you fancy me oh I will have a cake to make me feel better.
or
You have put on weight but I still find you attractive and want to have more sex yada yada so she thinks oh I don't need to diet I'll have a cake.
:rotfl:

If she has put on weight and it is affecting her life, then as others have said, she needs to make the changes now. OK she can still enjoy Christmas but also start feeling better about herself. You should really only have the honest conversation with your husband if your prepared to accept the honest answer.

fluffnutter

Actions speak louder than words. If he's kind and loving then she needs to stop obsessing about a throwaway comment. Men tend to say what they mean - women then read a billion different meanings into what is essentially a straightforward response. She's paranoid and feeling low at the moment hence the negative interpretation. You're not, nor are you emotionally involved in the situation, hence your more positive reading.

What's more worrying about all of this is that she simply doesn't talk to him about it.

aileth

I don't think he meant it in a bad way, just phrased terribly I think. I winced when I read it!

xbrenx

I'm with the "can't do right for doing wrong" set. Poor man.

I'm also with the "she should start her diet now" people. There's time to lose a few pounds before Christmas, okay, they'll probably go back on again BUT she won't end up heavier. (That makes sense in my head lol).

Mojisola

victory wrote: »

Two reasons..xmas parties, xmas food and she wants to go with some other people she knows at work who have all said they will start in January.

xbrenx wrote: »

I'm also with the "she should start her diet now" people. There's time to lose a few pounds before Christmas, okay, they'll probably go back on again BUT she won't end up heavier.

Absolutely! Just because she knows she's going to over-indulge at a few parties doesn't mean she can't reduce her eating the rest of the time between now and the New Year.

What's the story behind her putting on weight? Is it comfort eating because things aren't right in her life? If there are things that need sorting out, she's unlikely to keep the weight off unless she deals with those issues as well.

pollypenny

To be blunt, no matter how much you love someone, a large weight gain can be very off-putting.

It was for me and OH was just like the OP's friend, promising to diet after Christmas or after the holidays. It also effected his self-esteem.

She should look after her weight for her own health, anyway .

paulineb_2

I think it could have been phrased much better than that and I can understand, given that she already doesnt feel good about herself not feeling any better after that response.