A Singularly Lonely Christmas

Dozey_crow

LavenderBees wrote: »

Oh! How I feel for your friend. I know exactly how she feels.

I hope she has come through the period ok......

I don't honestly understand this "christmas is for families" business myself, are friends not also part of your family? Often friends are closer than your family, so why would a friend be second-rate at Christmas time?

Having been on the receiving end of this so many times myself, I know how hurtful it is. I try to be understanding, but my sensitive little heart gets that bit more bruised every time.

I hope your friend is ok. She will be, if she has you looking out for her.

x

I'm not sure she is OK to be honest. We texted yesterday and she said she was unwell and hadn't opened any presents or eaten anything but she was hoping to feel better tomorrow (today). Not sure if she is depressed or feeling physically unwell because of a cold. Tried to call today but there was no reply. Not unduly worried because she did say she may go out and if so won't answer I will call her again tomorrow. We will try and go to see get but my DH isn't well so we have to wait and see

Yes I don't completely understand the friend \family divide either I think that having three invites retracted because of 'family' is incredibly hard. when we are in a position to host I will make sure she is included, she gets on well with my family. Also after a Christmas with our crazy family which is nothing like the idealized image presented by the media she may like the idea of seeing no one over the festive period (:rotfl:)

Being 'at the bottom of everyone's social hierarchy' as she puts it must really hurt and I an very sorry for you too. I understand what you are saying about the heart this is what she was telling me. She felt that no one understood how she felt and didn't care enough .. very sad.

I think you have handled it all brilliantly.

LavenderBees wrote: »

Bless your Grandma for even trying them :rotfl:

I know... A funnier image you can't imagine... Grandma looks a bit like the queen apart from being much thinner than the queen... Now imagine..:eek::rotfl:

LavenderBees

dktreesea wrote: »

OP, thanks for posting this thread. I went through a similar thing many years ago, where, as circumstances would have it, I found myself all alone over the festive season. I have thought about that period, from time to time over the years. I felt really lonely then but , unlike you, I didn't really do much to alleviate that loneliness. Reading the efforts you are making and thinking back to my time in that lonely place, I realise now there was so much more effort I could have made to brighten up my time.

If I had that period again, and knew about these people, I would have treated myself to a course instead!
http://www.golearnto.com/creative-courses/jewellery-making-courses

or gone on a holiday over Christmas;
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/hubs/christmastravelguide/8167254/Singles-travel-Go-solo-this-Christmas.html

In the past I have felt this was too luxurious/expensive to indulge in. Nowadays I pay for what I want and need first and then count the pennies.

But to be honest, without support, I'd probably have wallowed far more than I have. Yes I did realise I was in for a miserable time if I didn't look to do something about it, but the energy to actually DO something has come from all you lovely people

Thanks for those links. Far Flung Friend suggested an activity hotel/holiday but finances fell apart with colossal vets fees so it was never going to be a reality this year. These links look really interesting. Much appreciated! A possibility for another year.

There's an interesting point made in response to the Telegraph article from someone wanting to avoid Christmas. The solo holidays featured are all Christmas related.

Interestingly (to me anyway :rotfl:) I think if I was with people who were in the same or similar situation, I'd be quite happy to celebrate a Christmas of a kind. For me, it's not Christmas itself I want to avoid, just the loneliness and sadness the whole period conjures up in me. If I was somewhere with others and making my own Christmas, I think I'd feel differently, albeit I suspect the sadness will always be there, if more subdued.

But for anyone wanting to avoid Christmas, I have in the past travelled fairly extensively in countries I'd expected to be Christmas free...Hmmmm....Cuba, Sri Lanka, Vietnam...and all had Christmas trees, and Christmassy things...

" I don't bl00dy believe it" was my first response, in true Victor Meldrew style, but actually, it was rather sweet, really.

Many thanks for those ideas though. One of the things I'll be thinking about is planning next Xmas in advance...maybe budgeting for a holiday as a treat. I agree with you...we're worth a bit of luxury, if we can make it affordable.

xx

LavenderBees

groatie_queen wrote: »

I for one am grateful to LB for starting a thread for companionship and new ideas for singletons at Christmas. In the past, there was a thread for bereaved people, and very valuable it was too. People are on their own for many reasons nowadays, not often through choice, and a thread for helping all of us to find some cheer at this time of year is worth its weight in gold.

I do agree it's needed not just for Christmas, living solo is something to be managed as positively as possible all year round. Where I fall down is in the cooking department. Lately I've lost my appetite and have fallen into the habit of not cooking proper meals... so one thing I did just before Christmas was buy some foil food trays, and I've pledged to myself to do some batch cooking for the freezer, so that I have easy meals stashed away for coming in from work.

This morning I went to have breakfast at my local Morrisons, which has a cafe and opened at 11.00. I sat with my cuppa for an hour or so, kindle in hand, and enjoyed the murmur of conversations around me.

Back home to tackle some housework, and I'll be meeting up with my Scrabble group tomorrow morning for a couple of games. We're not competitive and help each other out, there's lots of chat and cups of tea too.

I hope you all have a peaceful evening.

Your scrabble group sounds fab

Actually groatie queen, you always sound pretty resilient and positive. I love your posts as you always make me look at things differently. I would never have thought of sitting in Mr M's cafe, but you've actually made it sound attractive.

Sorry, does that sound sarcastic? I don't mean it to be...it's just another wee activity that I've had my eyes opened to.

Have a lovely morning with your scrabble group.

xx

LavenderBees

Dozey_crow wrote: »

I'm not sure she is OK to be honest. We texted yesterday and she said she was unwell and hadn't opened any presents or eaten anything but she was hoping to feel better tomorrow (today). Not sure if she is depressed or feeling physically unwell because of a cold. Tried to call today but there was no reply. Not unduly worried because she did say she may go out and if so won't answer I will call her again tomorrow. We will try and go to see get but my DH isn't well so we have to wait and see

Yes I don't completely understand the friend \family divide either I think that having three invites retracted because of 'family' is incredibly hard. when we are in a position to host I will make sure she is included, she gets on well with my family. Also after a Christmas with our crazy family which is nothing like the idealized image presented by the media she may like the idea of seeing no one over the festive period (:rotfl:)

Being 'at the bottom of everyone's social hierarchy' as she puts it must really hurt and I an very sorry for you too. I understand what you are saying about the heart this is what she was telling me. She felt that no one understood how she felt and doesn't care enough .. very sad.

I think you have handled it all brilliantly.

Depression can manifest itself in physical woes. I hope she is ok. Would she be mortified if you showed her this thread? It maybe will help her to know that she is not alone, and that others do fully understand how she feels as we feel the same. It has certainly helped me hugely. Perhaps some of the ideas will help her take control for next year as even if you do manage to invite her, she will still have times on her own to get through.

xx

RosiePuddingPaws

Just popping in to thank LB and (nearly) everyone for this thread. I'm another singleton (with two cats) and wasn't doing much for Christmas. I do have family that I could have gone to but hate that they make me feel a failure as my marriage ended. That they are all much more supportive of my ex doesn't help my confidence.

This thread has made me start thinking about what I want for the future, rather than just coasting. I hope we all have a better 2014.

RPP

LavenderBees

RosiePuddingPaws wrote: »

Just popping in to thank LB and (nearly) everyone for this thread. I'm another singleton (with two cats) and wasn't doing much for Christmas. I do have family that I could have gone to but hate that they make me feel a failure as my marriage ended. That they are all much more supportive of my ex doesn't help my confidence.

This thread has made me start thinking about what I want for the future, rather than just coasting. I hope we all have a better 2014.

RPP

Thanks for dropping by, Rosie, please drop by any time. Absolutely love your user name

I've just been looking up "recipes" for bubble and squeak...My dad would be appalled I have to look it up :rotfl:

x

DundeeDoll

Thanks for a great thread. As somone whose 25 year marriage ended 14 months ago i realise when the already grown up children no longer come home (or if we sell up will my new abode be big enough to accommodate?) xmas wont be at all as i'd imagined. I am tempted by the yha xmas holidays and wonder if anyone has tried one. 3 nights full board for £150 in bath or a castle sounds intriguing.

LavenderBees

DundeeDoll wrote: »

Thanks for a great thread. As somone whose 25 year marriage ended 14 months ago i realise when the already grown up children no longer come home (or if we sell up will my new abode be big enough to accommodate?) xmas wont be at all as i'd imagined. I am tempted by the yha xmas holidays and wonder if anyone has tried one. 3 nights full board for £150 in bath or a castle sounds intriguing.

Someone in my walking group mentioned this sort of thing to me a couple of weeks ago. He'd heard they were really good, but I'm not sure where from. He hadn't been youth hosteling for years...sounded horrendous back in the "dark ages". I know there is one lady in my walking group who uses youth hostel a lot throughout the year and doesn't seem to have any complaints. Worth looking into, perhaps?

skipton

What a wonderful inspiring thread. I only discovered it last night, as I haven't been on MSE for a while.

I too remember the awful feeling of coming home to an empty dark house especially in Winter so I bought lots of timers and had all my lamps switch themselves on, I even put the radio on one.

I think what is difficult is when you have no one to speak too. I now have 12 hens who make me smile and give me a reason to get up in the morning. (I took early retirement a couple of years ago) They are not as loving as a cat or a dog but they are pets with perks, ie fresh eggs every morning. I also sell the eggs in the village and to my book group so they pay for their own food.:rotfl:

Enjoy your New Years eve.

LavenderBees

skipton wrote: »

What a wonderful inspiring thread. I only discovered it last night, as I haven't been on MSE for a while.

I too remember the awful feeling of coming home to an empty dark house especially in Winter so I bought lots of timers and had all my lamps switch themselves on, I even put the radio on one.

I think what is difficult is when you have no one to speak too. I now have 12 hens who make me smile and give me a reason to get up in the morning. (I took early retirement a couple of years ago) They are not as loving as a cat or a dog but they are pets with perks, ie fresh eggs every morning. I also sell the eggs in the village and to my book group so they pay for their own food.:rotfl:

Enjoy your New Years eve.

Yes, I have timers on my lamps, but hadn't thought about using one for my radio so there is a voice to come home to. Good idea!! So simple, but will be effective.Thank you!!

I'm considering chickens on my lottie this year..I'm hesitating slightly as they will be tying, and I suspect I'm going to need to be flexible about working away a little (possibly a lot) more next year. But I'm home far more than I'm away, so hopefully by late spring/early summer... :T

You can maybe help me decide whether to join a book group - do you find it is a bit like having homework or is it all nicely pleasurable?

x