A Singularly Lonely Christmas

LavenderBees

binnie wrote: »

Hmm, I wonder why I haven't been getting any notifications for two days. :eek:
Anyway here I am now. I'm glad this thread is still going. I think it is very useful for people to be able to say how they feel and you always get one who is quite insensitive to others.
Lavenderbees you sound a wonderful person and you have great wit and wasn't really asking for sympathy and woe is me. I can see that.
All you wanted was to write it down somewhere and see if anybody could come up with some answers. Everybody is different and if we feel lonely or sorry for ourselves isn't that up to us. If people don't like it, don't bother replying, it's just a waste of energy.

I didn't feel in the mood for Christmas to be honest, I find it all too commercialised and because I work in a shop I see the mentality of some people who go overboard and buy all and sundry. Where I work is open 365 a year (Greedy gits) and people really don't need to go that mad.

I have also lost loved ones in the past four years, this year I've lost an aunty and an uncle and then on Christmas Eve at 10.45pm I received a text saying saying my dads best friend had died. Now as an empathic person I just wanted a minute or two to gather my thoughts and feel sad. But all I got was, "Oh well people die the older they get, you hear more and more".
How insensitive was that, how about "I'm sorry all my condolences to your dad" and left it at that......
I was so mad I left the inlaws in a rush and started walking home the 8 mile walk. My hubbie came after me and I just couldn't calm down. I eventually got in the car and we drove home, but peoples insensitivity can hurt so why can't they keep their thoughts to themselves.

I hope you get through this sad period and in time can look to the future. The dark miserable nights and sometimes days don't always help and I say "Roll on Spring". :j

I send all my love and hope 2014 brings you some happiness LB.
xxx

Ah, Binnie. I'm sitting here shaking my head. Surely, anyone dying is sad...we all know it happens, it doesn't make it any less sad! It's another light gone out in the world.

I'm glad your hubby came after you to support you. I also hope you managed to have a good Xmas day.

I'm kind of looking to the future, that's why I started the thread as feeling sad and cr*p is not how I want to be. Baby steps though..it all takes time and energy.

2014 will be a better year. Definitely....!!

Big Hugs

LB xx

binnie

Yes I understand that writing it down helps as it's kind of like a diary. It helps others too.
I feel I can open up more to strangers sometimes and get useful advice. It's also lovely to get support and encouragement from others and shows there are some lovely people out there.
My aim for 2014 is to look after myself more as I always put others first and worry the heck about them. In doing that I've made myself quite poorly this year .
I need some more "Me time" and will still carry on looking after others, but will try and spoil myself too somedays.....
I will be watching your progress with interest as I feel a connection to you somehow. I like your style of writing, humour and courage.
Enjoy the rest of your evening.
I've to go to bed early, I'm up at 4.30am to go to the madhouse (work) for more hungry shoppers.
xx

grandmasam

Hi lb
Glad I gave you a laugh! I love xmas pud and brandy butter so yesterday was my indulgence day,:D I have several of these during the year,to indulge in something i love to either do, eat, travel to a beach, or whatever, It feeds my soul.
Rosie , my hound, is a dog Ive wanted for years, and now saving for another,:j I'm done with being told what to do, think and say by various others and have gently weaned myself away from those who are .. um..controlling.
Learning to become more positive in daily life has helped a lot,and baby steps all the way.My old sig was : life is too short, so how much fun can I have today!
You have done really well this christmas, pat on the back sweetie :T
Caz

LavenderBees

Em, look, can you all stop posting so I get a chance to catch up :rotfl:

I'm heading back a couple of pages as there's some really useful info on some posts there :T

Just had a huge laugh at my cats - far flung friend and Polo-cat had sent them a pressie of a cat in a bag. Basically, a ball with a battery in it, that you put in a bag, and it wriggles around. I didn't put it in the bag properly, so it's been spinning around the living room! The cats have been fearful for their lives, especially when it took off for the kitchen, then, as they followed it, it suddenly turned round and headed back towards them :rotfl:

One of the funniest things I've ever seen...two cats scattering in different directions, then trying to look cool :rotfl:

I can see hours of endless fun with this pressie :T, and maybe a expensive trip to the vets with traumatised cats :eek:

chirpycheap

A.Penny.Saved wrote: »

Why is everyone making such a fuss about being alone at Christmas? I find most people hypocritical celebrating Christmas when they never go to Church except for funerals, weddings etc. There are hundreds of thousands of people who are alone at Christmas, do we open threads for every one of them? Millions of elderly alone who are doing no better than the OP. Homeless people and people who have been forced to vacate their homes due to flooding. Count yourself lucky, it could be much much worse!

I have not seen or heard from anyone since I phoned my brother on Christmas eve. I have eaten no Turkey or Christmas dinner, no nuts, pies or anything else. Christmas day was like any other except there was no where open! I won't give a sob story because no one wants depressing but I don't open a thread saying woe, woe I'm all alone at Christmas. I suppose I should change my name to ebenezer. Bah, humbug! lol

OP I hope that you found something which made your life meaningful and fulfilled. Christmas is far too materialistic anyway, people hoping that the latest tech gadgets are going to make them happy, for 5 minutes. Happiness is about appreciating what you have, health, a place to live, food to eat and family/friends and not yearning for what you don't have!

Christmas means different things to everyone, a celebration of Jesus birth, a midwinter festival, a traditional celebration that can be enjoyed regardless of religious beliefs and yes it has become for some all about over consumption.

However for me this thread is all about the important aspects of Christmas. It is about community and reaching out to others. The OP s anything but 'woe is me' and has in fact inspired others to share their experiences and think about how to make a positive contribution to others.

The thread I am sure has provided comfort to others and that act of thinking about other people is surely exactly what Christmas should be about. Of course we should all count our blessings but in the spirit of Christmas we can also take time to think compassionately about others rather than sitting in judgement.:A

LavenderBees

calicocat wrote: »

It's boxing day....and they are clearly up for a fight.

Best ignored.

You are still awake then!...is it just me or is tv today rubbish. I only have free-view though.


Do you shop much in morpeth, and if so will there be any good sales ? I haven't been to morpeth for years, not sure what's there now, and don't think I can be bothered with Newcastle or the Metro.

TV has been rubbish, unless you're under 7 year old, I think. I only have freesat. TBH, I couldn't concentrate on anything so didn't bother with any of the DVDs I've been stockpiling for just such a day.

Morpeth is fine for a few hours mooch. It depends what you're looking for really. But if you don't want anything in particular and just want a pleasant mooch, then it's better, imo, than the hoards and going to Newcastle.

I'm thinking of a mooch in Morpeth on Saturday or Sunday...

jpscloud

LavenderBees wrote: »

Just had a huge laugh at my cats - far flung friend and Polo-cat had sent them a pressie of a cat in a bag. Basically, a ball with a battery in it, that you put in a bag, and it wriggles around. I didn't put it in the bag properly, so it's been spinning around the living room! The cats have been fearful for their lives, especially when it took off for the kitchen, then, as they followed it, it suddenly turned round and headed back towards them :rotfl:

One of the funniest things I've ever seen...two cats scattering in different directions, then trying to look cool :rotfl:

I can see hours of endless fun with this pressie :T, and maybe a expensive trip to the vets with traumatised cats :eek:

Ah, this reminds me of the classic game of "bedmouse" (while having a lazy lie-in with cats on the bed, wiggle and move toes under the duvet while saying "where's the mousie, where's the mousie?")

Beware, as cats are notorious for not getting when this game is over, and playing it can lead to any inadvertent movement under the bedclothes being mistaken for a hunting opportunity... especially in summer, when bedcover is not quite thick enough to prevent being spiked by enthusiastic claws :eek:

I'm another singleton - I've been lurking and enjoyed reading along with your thread. I like being alone, and find socialising quite difficult and often exhausting, but it's not that I never want any company or socialising, if you know what I mean.

I found the solo holiday ideas interesting, maybe something to consider for retirement days in the future.

LavenderBees

lostinrates wrote: »

I don't think it matters whether people are Christian or not. A mid winter festival transcends faith boundaries, and a time when its almost universal to be with people who are near and dear to you cuts hard when you realise those people are gone, or unavailable for whatever reason.

I'm sorry that you have woe in your life. We all deal with that differently. I think lavenderbee's thread has helped others in her shoes.

DH and I have had a wonderful time alone, so rare for us, but I said to him last night, while this time alone is so rare and precious for us things like this have reminded me that the open door policy my parents held have helped many people and something I want to continue in the future, especially as we are childless so perhaps better placed to be more flexible than some others.

We're not sure how to reconcile this ATM with our deep seated need for quiet time alone, which is rare (one of my parents lives with us usually, and my husband works away Monday to Friday) but we have discussed an open door Christmas every second year perhaps.


The other problem is that our friends in need of someone to spend Christmas with are London based and we are not......so best to wait until we have spare bedrooms really .

So, this has been a valuable thread not just for single people, but for those who have been taking stock in how lucky they are and how most usefully to share that without damaging their own relationships too. . Surely those things exactly.....how to. Give, and how to live better, respectfully which ever position you are in, have been addressed in this thread and thus are very much in the spirit of Christmas and also Christian message?

I do hope your 2014 is better than this year has been a penny saved.

You know, speaking as one on her own, I'd have loved it if any of my more local friends had had an open door policy. In fact, the opposite has been the case . Far Flung Friend invited me but finances are such that I had to turn her down. But I really did appreciate her invite.

I think it's a lovely thought to have an open Christmas policy.

BTW, I think you and a few others have managed to articulate the spirit of this thread far far better than I ever could. Thank you!

LavenderBees

jpscloud wrote: »

Ah, this reminds me of the classic game of "bedmouse" (while having a lazy lie-in with cats on the bed, wiggle and move toes under the duvet while saying "where's the mousie, where's the mousie?")

Beware, as cats are notorious for not getting when this game is over, and playing it can lead to any inadvertent movement under the bedclothes being mistaken for a hunting opportunity... especially in summer, when bedcover is not quite thick enough to prevent being spiked by enthusiastic claws :eek:

I'm another singleton - I've been lurking and enjoyed reading along with your thread. I like being alone, and find socialising quite difficult and often exhausting, but it's not that I never want any company or socialising, if you know what I mean.

I found the solo holiday ideas interesting, maybe something to consider for retirement days in the future.

Yes, my youngest can get a bit overenthusiastic about the duvet game :eek:

Socialising can be exhausting. I agree. Although not busy yesterday, I was absolutely shattered when I got home. Last week, I really enjoyed meeting Calicocat, yet the next day was fit to drop. This is a fairly recent thing for me, so I'm suspecting stress?

In the past, I've been on Exodus holidays, which are not cheap, but well worth investigating. Met some great people to holiday with that way. Seen some fantastic places too .

Out of my price range at the moment, though. But worth having a look to get ideas.

x

lostinrates

LavenderBees wrote: »

You know, speaking as one on her own, I'd have loved it if any of my more local friends had had an open door policy. In fact, the opposite has been the case . Far Flung Friend invited me but finances are such that I had to turn her down. But I really did appreciate her invite.

I think it's a lovely thought to have an open Christmas policy.

BTW, I think you and a few others have managed to articulate the spirit of this thread far far better than I ever could. Thank you!

That's our problem...we are far flung from our friends who might appreciate it.....out in the sticks. Not far from trains, but not in a state to host people overnight so it would mean car hire or hotel stop overs.

This Christmas just us has been a blessing I cannot describe. They re rare and precious days we get alone together. But sharing company is also important.

I think when we are able to host we will hash out a happy medium, because its 'fitting'.. So long as we still get some time alone together!