A Singularly Lonely Christmas

duchy

The one thing I'd say (from experience) after loss is the "firsts" are always the worst- first Christmas, first birthday. aniversary etc. Once you've got by he first one -it does become easier . I always feel the first year is about just taking each day as it comes - good and bad and as the year progresses you find the better days come more frequently until the bad days are unusual (we all get them now and again) and you realize you are starting to move forward.

Need2bthrifty

Happy Boxing Day LB.

I had a very lazy morning yesterday, singing along with childhood favourites on “Stewpot” Stewart’s, Children’s Choice - good old Captain Beaky and his band, MorningTown Ride, My Brother and Right said Fred – wouldn’t be Christmas without them.

There were 10 of us meeting up for lunch and as it would be difficult to get all of us comfortably sat down in one house it was decided to go to a hotel – very posh party hats but our table ended with what can best be described as mini Chinese hats you know the conical kind – and sitting at a circular table we looked like the dancing mushrooms from disney’s fantasia :rotfl::rotfl:

My brother (bear in mind he’s 57) was in his element and having great fun trying to see how many of the waiting staff he could hit in one go with those long whizz bomb balloons – said it was almost worth the money watching the look on their faces as they tried to avoid them!! :laugh: :laugh:

But at £45 per head :eek::eek: don’t think we will be doing that very often.

Like you I came home to an empty house and although stuffed with food – emotionally deflated.

But today is another day and I’m also in my PJ’s – this is the day that I treat myself and do my own Christmas dinner – got a small turkey crown, just because I love it and really enjoy the leftovers.

Having my smoked salmon and pink fizz as I type - so Cheers :beer:, here’s tae us, wha’s like us, d@mn few and theyre all deid – mairs the pity.

Off to prep my veg and get the turkey in the oven, have a lovely relaxing day.

Take care, N2BT

LavenderBees

Dozey_crow wrote: »

I am so sorry for all of the grief that people are suffering. Christmas is always such a difficult time we have lost a lot of relatives around Christmas. I understand what Luxor is saying about struggling to make plans when someone is I'll as my DH is also unwell and it does make things harder. We are learning to take a one day at a time approach to everything and to have a contingency plan for everything. For instance we are going to the sales today and our contingency is that we are not ever far from a coffee shop so he can rest if needed.

Funny things to happen... Well my grandma was there with us yesterday she is a very well dressed Victorian esk lady in her late 80s, tall and thin. We also had with us a distant relative who is renowned (to the rest of us! :rotfl:) for bad taste in presents. Anyway there was a large squishy parcel for Grandma from said relative. She opened it to reveal an enormous fuschia pink garish top with matching mini skirt!!! Well her face was a picture :rotfl::rotfl: credit to her though she covered it well and thanked said relative very sincerely.

We are considering offering her money to wear it!!! Goodness only knows what she will do with it!!!:rotfl:

Just to be clear though it was all in good humour and no one was miffed at all. We almost look forward to presents from this person.

Lavenderbees, well done for managing Christmas day so very well. I hope that you do find something to help with the next few difficult days.

:rotfl:Post a photo? :rotfl:

paulineb_2

Ive watched this thread, I live on my own (me and cats) and I do have family but not loads, theres my mum and my brother. My gran died 3 years ago at Christmas. To be honest, my problem has been that I had a couple of years where everything went wrong, really wrong, that was about 6 years ago although Ive had my testing times since. I lost friends because I broke my arm and ended up on sick pay (ssp) and I couldnt afford to socialise. Other issues with work, went into hermit mode and stayed there.

Last year I made a massive effort to get out and about, joined a few meet up groups, have just left a local one because I wasnt happy with the way it was being run and there were a couple of incidents at nights out that the organisers didnt deal with, but I have to continue to make the effort and keep socialising.

Im pretty shy in real life and people dont always believe that when they meet me, but Christmas is just a time for me to be with my mum, my brother comes up to see us at Christmas, I dont see as much of him as I would like, he works in one of the local gyms Im a member of, so Ive seen more of him this last 6 months as Ive been doing more classes and he did my gym programme for me

I think the problem is, you tend to get into a mindset where you think everyone is having a bigger, better, bolder time than you. I do have friends, but they arent always the most reliable, if they phone me and I want to go out, I go, if I dont I dont, but Id say I have many more acquaintances than I do have friends and life can be quite lonely at times.

But the person who has held me back over the last few years, has been me, no one else. I also spent long enough in relationships that werent serving me well and had SO many miserable Christmases as a result I also need to take a step back and think, was I happier then than I am now and the answer would be a resounding no.

One day at a time, be kind to yourself and pat yourself on the back for efforts you have made to change things. Im very self critical, but Ive lost 30 pounds in weight in the last 7 months and for the first time in a long time Im looking after myself and that includes eating well, trying to sleep well and exercise and its made a difference to my self esteem.

Byatt

I had a lovely time yesterday with my DD, but last night, very late I had a little weep as I take her home today, and the lovely family feeling of having someone around will be gone. I didn't know until this morning what it sounded like upstairs when the curtains were open...a silly thing, but poignant.

I am okish today, onwards and upwards and all that, a day at a time is a good starting point, because we really don't know what is around the corner.

Hugs LB, as Calicocat said, you are a "gusty" woman, and will get through this.

Funny cat story, Polo-cat barely moves when we eat, but suddenly, when the ham came out, he was like a cat possessed and started to clamber onto the table, to try and get this gorgeous smelling object...nothing would stop him so it was place on the top of the freezer...everything else was knocked over!

LavenderBees

Need2bthrifty wrote: »

Happy Boxing Day LB.

I had a very lazy morning yesterday, singing along with childhood favourites on “Stewpot” Stewart’s, Children’s Choice - good old Captain Beaky and his band, MorningTown Ride, My Brother and Right said Fred – wouldn’t be Christmas without them.

There were 10 of us meeting up for lunch and as it would be difficult to get all of us comfortably sat down in one house it was decided to go to a hotel – very posh party hats but our table ended with what can best be described as mini Chinese hats you know the conical kind – and sitting at a circular table we looked like the dancing mushrooms from disney’s fantasia :rotfl::rotfl:

My brother (bear in mind he’s 57) was in his element and having great fun trying to see how many of the waiting staff he could hit in one go with those long whizz bomb balloons – said it was almost worth the money watching the look on their faces as they tried to avoid them!! :laugh: :laugh:

But at £45 per head :eek::eek: don’t think we will be doing that very often.

Like you I came home to an empty house and although stuffed with food – emotionally deflated.

But today is another day and I’m also in my PJ’s – this is the day that I treat myself and do my own Christmas dinner – got a small turkey crown, just because I love it and really enjoy the leftovers.

Having my smoked salmon and pink fizz as I type - so Cheers :beer:, here’s tae us, wha’s like us, d@mn few and theyre all deid – mairs the pity.

Off to prep my veg and get the turkey in the oven, have a lovely relaxing day.

Take care, N2BT

oh, I was listening to Right Said Fred, too! Jigging around a bit, too :rotfl:

Yes, I hate that emotionally deflated feeling. Far flung friend has had a lovely time with her daughter but is now suffering the awful emotional deflation, by the sound of it. It seems only time (and alcohol?! ) helps.

My dinner was lovely despite (because of?) the smoking oven. Loads of leftovers to bag up for freezing and still lots of pink fizz left for this afternoon. I may be unable to type soon :rotfl: Actually, I may be asleep soon

Oh, I did Tom Kerridge's sprout tops (butter, bacon,chestnuts), and it was fab...could have happily just had that!

Have a lovely restful day yourself. PJ days rock!

xx

Calling14

Just seen this thread lavenderbees. I tend to be home alone over Xmas, this yr sad one funeral day before Xmas eve, which resulted in my cold turning into bronchitis. Just going to say that I hate going back to an empty house on Xmas day, does make you tearful. So I chatter to my dog, friends on fbook usually have a drink but been too ill this yr.
Would love to go away but where? Off till January but I do have relatives nearby but wouldn't wish this bug on anyone. Hopefully improve next week go for few walks, days out and you do meet people. Yr not on yr own.

camelot1001

Been following this thread and would like to say to you LavenderBees that you are a very brave (and gusty!) woman. Just me and DD this year which was different but ok.

You will begin to feel better, just keep looking at that list you made - you may not feel like doing everything but even one thing will make you feel heaps better.

Good luck!

Broomstick

Hiya, I've been following this thread too - loads of things to think about. Thank you LB and everyone else who's posted.

I only heard the tail end of 'You and Yours' on Radio 4 at lunchtime which was about people learning new things. There was some interesting stuff about how brains and neural networks change when you learn something new and about the idea that it's never too late to start. It was a slightly different take on life-long learning that, to me, sounded much more appealing than learning something new in order to meet new people or just to fill one's time with something - valid as those reasons are. I'm going to listen to the whole programme later but here's the link to throw another idea into the melting pot for ideas for the longer term.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b03m7z0l/You_and_Yours_26_12_2013/

B x

A.Penny.Saved

Why is everyone making such a fuss about being alone at Christmas? I find most people hypocritical celebrating Christmas when they never go to Church except for funerals, weddings etc. There are hundreds of thousands of people who are alone at Christmas, do we open threads for every one of them? Millions of elderly alone who are doing no better than the OP. Homeless people and people who have been forced to vacate their homes due to flooding. Count yourself lucky, it could be much much worse!

I have not seen or heard from anyone since I phoned my brother on Christmas eve. I have eaten no Turkey or Christmas dinner, no nuts, pies or anything else. Christmas day was like any other except there was no where open! I won't give a sob story because no one wants depressing but I don't open a thread saying woe, woe I'm all alone at Christmas. I suppose I should change my name to ebenezer. Bah, humbug! lol

OP I hope that you found something which made your life meaningful and fulfilled. Christmas is far too materialistic anyway, people hoping that the latest tech gadgets are going to make them happy, for 5 minutes. Happiness is about appreciating what you have, health, a place to live, food to eat and family/friends and not yearning for what you don't have!