A Singularly Lonely Christmas

Shropshirelass

:wave:
Hello all and especially LB, thank you for every time I read this thread. OH and I have also each been in a similar situation to yours, years ago, so appreciate the problems.
Now we find ourselves with children living abroad or far away, and with other commitments in addition to their responsibility to us, so that we see them for a limited time over Christmas/New Year, and spend a fair few days just the two of us.
As a former nurse, I never had a complete Christmas off while working, so really appreciate now that I don't have to go out at the darkest time of year in the worst weather imaginable. The reason Christmas was a 'family' time, was it was one of the rare times when most people had a few days to spend at home all together, and have time to visit. Don't we easily forget those members of society who still work, in the last few years including shopworkers, who have a brief respite on Christmas day, (unless packing shelves).

While I appreciate that people feel regretably upset when let down by withdrawal of invitations, presumably it is because some cant trust their family to behave well so would you really want to be there in the middle of a cross between Corrie, Emmerdale and Eastenders :rotfl:. At least if on TV you can switch the unpleasantness off.
Have just read that houses four miles up the road from us, had power cut on Christmas Day from 1pm to 6pm. Hope they managed to keep smiling:) and that all suffering such problems will soon be right again.
Thank you again LB:T

LavenderBees

Broomstick wrote: »

Hiya, I've been following this thread too - loads of things to think about. Thank you LB and everyone else who's posted.

I only heard the tail end of 'You and Yours' on Radio 4 at lunchtime which was about people learning new things. There was some interesting stuff about how brains and neural networks change when you learn something new and about the idea that it's never too late to start. It was a slightly different take on life-long learning that, to me, sounded much more appealing than learning something new in order to meet new people or just to fill one's time with something - valid as those reasons are. I'm going to listen to the whole programme later but here's the link to throw another idea into the melting pot for ideas for the longer term.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b03m7z0l/You_and_Yours_26_12_2013/

B x

I've just finished listening to this program...and feel nicely inspired. Although the program talks about learning new things like gardening, financial budgeting, community choir singing etc, what it's made me realise is that I'm learning new things all the time, but I just didn't recognise it as learning.

Even starting my lottie this year was learning...

A really interesting program, and very timely for inspiration for going into a new year.

ETA I luvs Alvin Hall... :smileyhea

DundeeDoll

http://www.yha.org.uk/festive-breaks

Youth hostels are much changed since my youth. You're allowed alcohol for a start, they have duvets and family rooms, you're not locked out during the day (how i remember steaming in the boiler room after a day's hike in the rain waiting for the doors to open) and you dont have a daily chore. I think you dont even need to be a member, but i'm a lifetime member anyway, just havent been for a while

lostinrates

LavenderBees wrote: »

Yes, I have timers on my lamps, but hadn't thought about using one for my radio so there is a voice to come home to. Good idea!! So simple, but will be effective.Thank you!!

I'm considering chickens on my lottie this year..I'm hesitating slightly as they will be tying, and I suspect I'm going to need to be flexible about working away a little (possibly a lot) more next year. But I'm home far more than I'm away, so hopefully by late spring/early summer... :T

You can maybe help me decide whether to join a book group - do you find it is a bit like having homework or is it all nicely pleasurable?

x

Lavender bees,

I keep chickens.

Honestly? They ARE a tie. Personally, were I free single and looking for new adventures there is no way I would tie myself down with them. Its not the holidays, its the daily missed opportunities if you have no one to rely on. Its the noone to tell about the sadness of the many scrapes they get into and the misery of having to do something responsible and not have anyone who knew the birds tell you 'it was the right thing'.

I don't keep brilliant health, which is why we live how we do ...me moving back out from the country to have some life out here, and why my parent moved in with us as a sort of weekday carer when its needed, though i hold I would cope alone. In fact I think the caring is more the other way now. :rotfl:

The birds are a bind like few of the other animals. They are vulnerable in a way nothing else is, and yet won't take heed. Appointments at doctors.....soonest available? Well....does it clash with sundown? :rotfl: Drinks or supper with friends.....suddenly coats double if you are in town near them, then have to pop home put birds away then pop back .....

Free range eggs from trueY well reared and kept birds from small holders represent incredibly good value for money.

paulineb_2

I went youth hostelling when I was 18, loved it, went to skye and a few other places, I remember the daily chore well.

paulineb_2

LavenderBees wrote: »

Hi Pauline. Thanks for dropping by! It sounds like you're trying really hard to get out of your rut, and to a large extent, you've succeeded, so really well done. Especially well done on the weight loss - fab!

Your comment about "relationships not serving you well" has had me thinking again this afternoon about why I'm flogging a dead horse in trying to keep a friendship going that doesn't make me feel good. Is it bad to give up or is it just sound common sense

It's easy to say that I will drop everyone who makes me feel unsupported or at least doesn't make me feel particularly good, but in reality that isn't easy. Hmmm...more thought needed.

xx

I am. Thank you. Ive been lonely many times in my life I think and a lot of it stems back from my first relationship. We had mutual friends, 2 of my friends dated his, we went to different schools in the area, I met him through one of them and we were a couple for 2 years which isnt really a lot, but it became difficult because when we split, his decision, people took sides, I was no longer invited to nights out by some people and what was worse was I used to go to weddings and he would be there, one friend sat me next to him at a wedding and only later did she say, really sorry about that, it was no biggie really.

And Ive spoken on the boards elsewhere about him too. He was horrible to me and that might sound like I was happy to be rid of him, but when something is great, then its wrong, you dont always see the wrong right away. He finished with me very casually, like he was breaking a dentists appointment and then spent the best part of the next few years turning up at my door, crying, saying he loved me, Im sure he did, but not enough. And I dont know why, because he made it clear he thought I was an idiot and Id never do anything with my life, he worked away in London for a year and he used to write to me, even after we split, ten page letters telling me how awful I was, how great he was, how Id never do anything with my life, blah blah, he didnt like himself, that was the problem, but it all got projected onto me.

I think I spent my 20s too terrified to get into another relationship because I was so damaged by that one and when I did meet someone else, well that wasnt positive either, I stayed far far too long in that.

I lost confidence as well due to work related stress issues, again, Ive spoken about them on the boards, I spent a long time in jobs where my working conditions were awful and if you complained, you got attacked, verbally, in emails and in letters, I think I just opted out after that, also with my weight going up and down, in 2011, I think I went out once socially with someone who wasnt my mum. I just couldnt do it.

I think Ive been out more in 2012 than I have been over the previous 5 and thats no joke. Im a fitness instructor and Im not the loudest person on earth even when Im teaching, but when Im up there, fine, its when Im away from that I struggled.

I suffer from low self confidence due to some stuff thats happened in the past but thats life, lots of people go through tough times, its the way it is.

My lightbulb moment last year was when I was doing a kids fitness exam. I had to be videod and when I watched it back I was like holy macaroni. I had broken my tailbone at the end of 2012, 2012 was a tough year all round, piled weight on and done nothing about it.

My BMI was ridiculous and I dont look the weight I am because Ive always exercised, but the very next day I de junked my diet and started exercising, hard. I had 4 sessions of physio for my tailbone and after it was on the mend then I stepped up my exercise and thats been 7 months now. Ive always exercised on and off and I teach classes but in stressful times, it goes out the window and so does healthy eating.

I also took myself off to Majorca at the end of August for a weekend and I enjoyed it so much, I went on my own that Im going back twice next year. As cheap as you can get it, all inclusive.

Ive always had friends I think who havent treated me the way I would like to be treated. Im quite a soft hearted person, people like me, but Ive met a lot of selfish people in the past. And thats ok, people are who they are.

One thing Ive realised is, even though how small it is, I cant stay in anymore. Even if I go out once every two weeks with a meet up group or whatever and spend £5 while Im there, thats enough for me. I spent so long sitting in the house not wanting to go out but being miserable at the same time, I really dont want to end up back there.

paulineb_2

I also think its a very hard and brave thing to do to admit that you are lonely at any time of year. Personally, as I said above, I think Ive always put far more into friendships than Ive ever got back and I think that was part of the reason I just opted right out for a while.

I have some friends that I see maybe twice a month and not really very much in between, we just go to Glasgow for a drink. And inbetween times we dont see much of one another but thats ok. A lot of my female friends Im sad to say, were guilty of just disappearing off the face of the earth as soon as a man came along.

I also think my gran dying in 2010 smacked a bit of reality into me, took me a bit longer than it could have and then my mum had a really tough 2012 and there wasnt much happiness around for a while, but I remember being upset about something ridiculous and my mum saying, just be glad you are alive

My gran died very suddenly at Christmas 3 years ago, she had a massive stroke and died 10 days later, absolutely out of the blue. And it is hard, because even if youve been through tough stuff and know you should be happy with your lot, you can still wallow, but my mum was right.

My weight and my confidence are very much linked. Im not a vain person but Ive spent about 20 years battling an extra stone or two. I seem to have all the fat genes in my family, my brother and I have different dads and my dads side of the family were stocky. My mum cant put on weight easily.

And that has held me back, I know it, but the thing is, as I said above, I did nothing about it. I should know better, Im an addiction worker by profession or was, but you can get into denial, about how much you are eating, drinking, exercising and then you wonder why you are the size you are?

Im still a stone from where I want to be and then some, but compared to how I felt about myself in May this year its like night and day.

Sometimes you have to give yourself a massive great big shove. And its ok to stay in as well if you want to.

There are lots of people in this world whose lives arent quite where they want to be at any given time, when its you going through the mill you think its only you, but it really isnt.

I said it on another thread, I am going to look into befriending an elderly person next year if there are any projects that do that. I miss my gran, but she had us, she was widowed at 55 and lived until she was 86 so she was lonely at times, but some people dont have family, it is something I want to do and I am going to look into it in 2014.

calicocat

Due to lack or brain function after work I have only skim...and I mean skim read today's chat.

LB.....re: morpeth for a mooch, I can't do tomorrow as now need to get more stuff from chemists for duff arm. Also, have been quickly on the 'preparing for winter' thread and am a bit spooked by the loads of snow coming post. So will be checking out car and emergency supplies in it.....and de-cluttering as right now it's like a skip with wheels.

However sunday could be an option provided I don't have much to drink tomorrow night so will assess that later?.

Re: duvet game, mine does this without invite, and she also trained the Cavalier King Charles I used to dog-sit to do same. I think I must wiggle my feet as i'm waking up and once i'm moving I am clearly fair game.........although i'm not sure which comes first, me wiggling feet or me being attacked in my sleep and so then moving my feet.


Anyone else got any really funny presents??.......i have a duck for the bath which lights up and flashes.....not entirely sure what that says about me...and eyelashes for the car...lol. they won't last 5 mins at work as someone will rip them off.

Hope everyone is well.

lobbyludd

hi - re book club, I started one and invited all the neighbours. We weren't a particularly sophisticated book club, often around half the people hadn't got round to reading the book, and often we discussed very little about the book, but it was lovely to meet and get to know my neighbours. We met around every 6-8 weeks for a couple of years - it's folded now, but became very popular, give it a try, if it doesn't work for you then leave!!

paulineb_2

My mum bought my cats a cat blanket from home bargains, oddly enough Id been looking at it to buy one as well, but I need two or three as I have 6 of the !!!!!!s, so the cats who sleep in my room (aunty and nephew) have claimed that one.

They all used to sleep in the living room until my very placid ginger tom decided that the other ginger tom was no longer welcome in his house and after a couple of fights where the fur flew, beans my ginger tom moved into my room and smudge his aunty seems to like being where he is.

So the blanket is their blanket for now. I do have another blanket I used to use when I used to do reiki so the others can have it to sit on

Apart from that, no daft ish presents, all useful or chocolate type stuff.